My ODD18 had a problem after her dad remarried about feeling welcome. His house was a memorial to her growing up- literally every picture she had taken ever on every wall in his house. She went out one time to find them all down! Now, I agree with the SM, but her dad should have prepared her a bit. He is a long distant NCP with visitation twice a year.

If they have their own rooms, let them decorate them their way- leave it that way until they redo. IF they give you a gift, put it out so that they know you appreciate it. DD gave SM a picture stand and put all wallets in it of SM son, DD and exh - it was placed in DD's room- she was hurt. Also make sure that they have things that stay all the time and you LEAVE out all the time. It's a connection into your house.

Include them in your every day routine. Don't turn into Disney parents, but let them know that you love having them there. And knowing that their BM is nervous.....you could work that to your benefit. You could have them send her a card, make something, and send it to her. etc.

Don't bring up the other house unless it's in a positive light.

My problem with my skids- BM constantly interfered, constantly texted and called oh how I miss you (she saw them once a week and her weekends) they were with us for 4 weeks.

One of the ways we helped the skids feel more welcome in our place is that we gave them each their own personal space. When they shared a room, they each got a wall that they could decorate on their own and their own bed, which they picked their stuff out for. Now, they are each able to have their own rooms, which helps a lot. The other thing is that we don't do "allowances" we do a salary as a privilege for being part of our family. As part of the salary, we each have responsibilities that we take care fo every time they're here (we have week on/weekoff). Have a white board on the wall and when it's done, we erase what we did. If they don't do it, I do it and charge them out of their salary. Or I hire someone and pay them out of the "salary". If it gets down to a certain level, phones and other electronics become the next step to go. I highly recommend the book "Have a new kid by Friday" by Kevin Leman. Very very helpful to us. That salary is a great motivating factor. They pay for all of their entertainment stuff too, so they pick what is important to them. When we take a road trip and stop at a gas station, they buy their own stuff because I always have snacks available. If they want something different, they'll have to buy it. Same with junk food. I don't buy it. They can get their own junk. It works out great because they think they're m aking out on the money stuff and I don't feel guilty when I say "No, I'm not buying that for you." I'm very blessed to have a great DH too. He is very good at backing me up in my decisions. Also, have a tradition that you do as a family. Growing up, my dad read us a Bible verse every morning and it's one of my favorite memories. Here, SS10 and I try to read together before bed at night. It's a nice time to build a relationship. SS15 and I are still struggling to find something we can do together.

One of the ways we helped the skids feel more welcome in our place is that we gave them each their own personal space. When they shared a room, they each got a wall that they could decorate on their own and their own bed, which they picked their stuff out for. Now, they are each able to have their own rooms, which helps a lot. The other thing is that we don't do "allowances" we do a salary as a privilege for being part of our family. As part of the salary, we each have responsibilities that we take care fo every time they're here (we have week on/weekoff). Have a white board on the wall and when it's done, we erase what we did. If they don't do it, I do it and charge them out of their salary. Or I hire someone and pay them out of the "salary". If it gets down to a certain level, phones and other electronics become the next step to go. I highly recommend the book "Have a new kid by Friday" by Kevin Leman. Very very helpful to us. That salary is a great motivating factor. They pay for all of their entertainment stuff too, so they pick what is important to them. When we take a road trip and stop at a gas station, they buy their own stuff because I always have snacks available. If they want something different, they'll have to buy it. Same with junk food. I don't buy it. They can get their own junk. It works out great because they think they're m aking out on the money stuff and I don't feel guilty when I say "No, I'm not buying that for you." I'm very blessed to have a great DH too. He is very good at backing me up in my decisions. Also, have a tradition that you do as a family. Growing up, my dad read us a Bible verse every morning and it's one of my favorite memories. Here, SS10 and I try to read together before bed at night. It's a nice time to build a relationship. SS15 and I are still struggling to find something we can do together.