Struggling with traveling with sd
I have major anxiety about traveling with my sd10. Every year I think it's going to be better but it's not. She refuses to try new foods, she only likes chicken nuggets, fries, garlic fingers. She limits where we can go for meals by this pickiness. She refuses to sleep with her sister who is 5 so we need hotels with a king bed and single at least. And last year she decided she can't sleep without her mother on the phone with her until she falls sleep. So , here we are in a hotel with biomom on the phone waiting for sd10 to fall asleep. Fun. She can't sit in the back seat next to her sister Because if bd5 touches her out breathes on her wrong, there's a fuss. I sit in the back and she gets the front seat. And every year I tell DH I will never do that again, and it always turns into a fight bc I should not let her get to me. 8 years of this crap. Help
Your DH makes you sit in the
Your DH makes you sit in the back seat while his mini-wife sits up front? SD has to fall asleep with BM on the phone? I bet it's speakerphone, too. Nope nope nope. Word for word that's what you should say.
ETA and these guys wonder why SM doesn't want SD around. SM must just be selfish. SMH.
Help? Really?
How about the kid eats what is served or what is ordered for her. Or... go hungry Kids will go about an hour being hungry before htey eat what is in front of them. Do that.
How about.... NO! She does not get to fall asleep with mommy every night.
How about... she sleeps on the floor is she will nto share a bed with her little sister. Toss her a cushion of off the sofa or chair in the hotel toom, and order a sheet and blanket from the desk.
If she whines and cries... she and daddy can go sleep in the car.
Lather..... rinse.... repeat.
I make it a point to regularly remind myself that past behavior is the best predictor of future performance. The odds of a parent that tolerates this kind of crap from their spawn changing how they parent enough to change the behavioral direction of the spawn is... slim and none.
Do not let this polluted progeny of your DH's failed earlier family adversly influence your young child. If daddy won't man up and protect his younger child, then you will have to apply the testicular fortitude to end this toxic spawn's toxic behavioral influence on your family and to counter daddy's lack of balls.
Toxic spawn sits in the back and can STFU unless she is spoken to. She eats what she is told to eat, sleeps where she is told to sleep, and she does NOT get mommy on the phone during visitation except in short very closely supervised spurts and for damned sure she does not get to fall asleep with mommy on the phone.... EVER!
Good luck with this blended family and failed parent shit storm.
Just Refuse
End the drama by not traveling with this kid anymore. And if that's not an option, then "put your foot down" on this ridiculous enabling behavior.
Your DH needs to start parenting his kid. First and foremost, a 10 year old does NOT need her mom on the phone to fall asleep. If she does, then maybe she should just go for day visits and get home at night to sleep with BM. Second, a 10 year old does NOT dictate where the family eats. She will find something on the menu or she can just not eat. Third, a 10 year old does NOT dictate where she sits in the car. And fourth, a 10 year old does NOT dictate hotel accomodations. She can sleep on the pull out couch.
Your DH is making huge missteps in raising this kid. You are going to have one powerful MiniWife on your hands if he doesn't get this under control now. Time to set boundaries and new expectations or your life is going to get even worse with the way this kid is being raised.
You need to skip out on the
You need to skip out on the family trips and let DH feel the full brunt of SD. The only way to teach a man like this is by experience. Disengagement is the way. Don't announce it just back off and be unavailable for any parenting needs for SD. Not your job, you weren't a part of making her.
1. it is dangerous for
1. it is dangerous for children her age to be in the front seat. in the US it is not legal in most states I believe.. she would need to be in an approved car or booster seat.
2. kids fussing in the back.. it is a THING.. and it is your job as parents to deal with it.. not give in to it.. you both have set a horrible precedence.. I would absolutely refuse and SD would recieve consequences.
3. Almost every restaurant has a kid's menu that would have the chicken fingers of some sort.. I would not worry about expanding her horizons.. just feed her what she will eat.
4. Most hotels have cots they will put in a room.. get a room with two queen beds and a cot.. It's going to result in better sleep.
5. She can call mom out in the hallway to say good night. that is it.. no lingering on the phone.. someone needs to step up and set boundaries here.
She is how she is because you and her dad allow it. stop that and her entitledness will stop.. it will be a bumpy ride.. there may be tears.. and whining.. you can and will get past it.
somehow your vacations have
somehow your vacations have been allowed to become under your SDs control. I would say no more vacations until SD can act like she's a member of the family not the Queen of the car.
No. Just NO!
Holy smokes this child has
Holy smokes this child has WAY too much power. She doesn't like what's for dinner? She makes a pbj or she goes hungry. She demands her mother be on the phone until she falls asleep? That's a "no." She NEEDS to learn to fall asleep on her own. She CAN sit in the backseat, and if she makes a fuss then she receives a punishment. That's what normal families do.
How about your DH actually parent the child instead of making everyone else contort themselves?
Welcome to Steptalk!
Some great advice there.
I used to love organizing outtings with us as a "family" having "family time". Had everyone eating dinner together, doing weekend fun things, festivals and the fair.
After 8 years of Bs, poutting, sullen, brattiness, I have given up on all that and do what I want without all that stress.
Its been working and now SD24 Feral Forger does her own thing with her own friends and so does SD17 Power Sulk CPS.
No child should dictate to that intense level ANYTHING.
I myself put the kibosh on
I myself put the kibosh on traveling or going out to eat with the SDs for years, between the ages of around 10-13. It was just too much and it was not fun at all. No boundaries then no travel. I encouraged him to do it with them alone and he did a couple times. But he was exhausted after. Yeah, duh.