Stressed about job/bf kids
Hi everyone. I posted once before about my situation. The brief recap is that I'm 29 with no kids. My boyfriend has 6 kids ages 2 to 11. The youngest two are currently living with us along with their mother who had no where else to live. My boyfriend and I keep getting into the same argument which is that he thinks I should stop working or at a minimum change my hours so I can stay home with his 2 kids. He only sees the other 4 every other weekend. He builds sets for movies and tv shows for a living. He has currently been out of work for 7 months due to health problems. (severe headaches, joint pain, extreme fatigue, nerve pain). He also claims he hasn't been working all this time because I don't want to change my hours and he has no one to watch the kids. He feels that because I told him I want to be provided for that I should watch the kids and that that's fair. I only work part time and don't contribute to the bills but I cook for him every day and the kids a lot during the week and help take care of the kids a lot. I also drive everywhere because he doesn't have a car and hasn't the entire year I have been with him... So I'm the one who was driving his 4 kids home an hr and back whenever they were here along w bringing him to doctors appts and such. I told my boyfriend I am willing to watch the kids on my days off which is Wednesday and Friday. He said that doesn't help him or solve the problem. He thinks it is unreasonable to expect him to pay the bills and me not watch the kids nearly full time. I also want to mention he does not nor has he ever paid for my personal bills just the household. I think it is nice of me to offer to even watch them for 8 to 10 hours 2 times a week especially since their own mother lives there. Granted she works full time but I feel that this should still mostly be between them to figure out. Am I being selfish and unfair?
Their mother is living with
Their mother is living with you? Why can't she watch them? And your boyfriend is not working but thinks YOU should watch his kids? DO NOT give up your job to watch his kids. That will be part of your exit plan if the time comes.
He said it's illogical for
He said it's illogical for him to stay home and me work for far less money and not contribute financially. I never asked him to stay home though the kids should be in nusery and preschool as far as I'm concerne and camp this summer. I am working more hours this summer. That's why he is frustrated. I take care of my godson And since he is off from school I'll be there about 36 hrs a week. They used to go to daycare when they all didn't live with us. He pitched a fit about that saying he doesn't want daycare to raise his kids.
He doesn't want daycare to
He doesn't want daycare to raise his kids, but you'll do just fine if he can bend you to his will.
I remember your last post, and I'm sorry you're still in this messed up situation.
This guy has 99 problems, but none of them are your responsibility and he will drag you down and ruin your life as well if you let him. Please get away from him.
Since he is not paying your
Since he is not paying your personal bills, how would he suggest you handle those if you're not working in order to watch HIS kids? Is he willing to pay you to be the nanny to his kids? If he is, are you willing to work as his nanny? Do I understand correctly that your current job is taking care of your godson?
I think part of the problem here is that you told him you want to "be provided for." I'm not entirely sure what that means, other than you don't contribute financially to the household bills (although you contribute to the household in other ways). It just doesn't seem wise to me, in the absence of some big safety net, for either party to a relationship to stop working and rely on the support of the other, particularly when you're young and without being married. How do you get spending money? How do you save for your retirement? How do you prevent the other partner from controlling you since you have such an uneven partnership financially? What happens if you break up? Would you have the resources to start over without a job or any support? This sounds like it has the potential for disaster for you.
I told him I wanted to be
I told him I wanted to be provided for a long time ago when the kids didn't live with him. We both are fairly traditional people. However..... I meant I wanted to take care of my house meaning I want to do the food shopping, running erands, cooking and decorating not take care of his kids everyday. That is a job in itself. Anyway if I stayed home with the kids he would still expect the house to look decent and food to be made. My plan was to do all of those things while at the same time build my own online business so that I do also have my own money. I can't do that and take care of the 2.5 year old and his 5 year old ( who is very attention seeking). I feel that he is putting me in a bad spot because one we're not married and two he doesn't have savings or investments. I can't rely on someone like that. Even if I could I still want my own money on the side from investments and a business I start if things to south in the relationship. Also he has extreme fatigue and migraines almost every day. What if he can't work his very physically demanding job? Then what? He needs to apply for disability. Yeah no thanks.
What do you mean....
"IF" he can't work?? I thought he hasn't been working for 7 months?
He doesn't even have a vehicle?
Sooooo....
Both times you have posted you seem very nonchalant about the situation, meanwhile everyone is pretty much saying WTF... Does it make you pause and think, OMG! This IS a crazy situation that is probably not good for me, or nah?
"Hi everyone. I posted once
"Hi everyone. I posted once before about my situation. The brief recap is that I'm 29 with no kids. My boyfriend has 6 kids ages 2 to 11..."
I got this far and thought "God Girl, Run, run fast." The rest of the post is even worse. Do not quit your job, i get a very bad feeling he is setting you up so you have no options but to stay in this chaotic situation.
Learn from our experiences, it doesn't get better. Find a child-free man.
Nothing will change unless
Nothing will change unless you change- everyone is is win win here, except you and for you it is lose, lose. The problem with tradition is that it is fanatically adhered to long after it has lost its original meaning- this is the 21st century, not the 16th.
I will repeat what I said in
I will repeat what I said in your other post. Just no, no way, no.
Do not become financially dependent on this guy (who has nothing, anyway) and be stuck. I would get out of this situation, it's obvious that he wants you as a nanny for his kids and a homemaker for him (and his ex).
He is trying to manipulate you and it doesn't sound as if he's going to give up, he knows what he wants.
Do you know what YOU want? It surely cannot be this.
So you have yourself a sister
So you have yourself a sister-wife situation... and they want you to be the stay at home mommy - even though you don't have kids of your own... Sounds like a terrible idea! Come On Lady!! You can do better than this! A dude with 6 kids living with you and his ex! Don't think for a second that they don't still hook up when you arent there btw!
I hope this guy is disease
I hope this guy is disease free and a great lay, because he has absolutely nothing else going for him.
He has 6kids and you have
He has 6kids and you have none? Why? The why is about why you chose this guy? He brings the baggage of two failed families, he wants you to be his live in day care. Hmmmmm?
Now, you asked to be taken care of. Since you work part time while he is expected to work full time to provide for you, what do you bring to this equity life partnership if you are not going to keep the home and care for his kids?
And why the hell would you not only tolerate his X to enter your home much less invite her to live there? What the hell is wrong with you? This guy is an idiot. You facilitate this crap? Really?
smh
Just asking.
did i read this correct ?????
did i read this correct ????? the BM lives with both of you too??? GET OUT NOW! nothing else to say
OMG are you kidding me?
OMG are you kidding me?
it's not your job to take care of someone else's kids. They have a mother and father. Please don't let this man fool you, or else you will become the primary mother of this kids. Is this what you want?
you're 29 and you deserve to have your own life and your job instead of watching someone else's kids full time. Seriously don't waist your life and think about it.