Stinky, rude SD12
Well, not much has changed except my SD is now 12 but still going on 3 and stopped wetting the bed 9 months ago just before her period started. She still lies and manipulates her parents and me against her father. I have been married to her dad now for 2 years this week and together 3 years in total next month so i have been on the scene long enough for things to start getting better.
This child has been pulled up on her bad hygiene before my her father and i and here we are again. I am stuck looking at a suitcase full of filthy washing from school camp. I will not get graphic but even i am just unable to wash these clothes and undies. It looks like she hasnt washed her parts in weeks!! Poo, the works!!!
She is not embarrassed by this either and is happy to pile the dirty undies on top of all the washing so even her father can see this putrid mess.!! Also this same weekend, she left a used pad in her room agaon, for all to see and when she was told off she saod she forgot and the pouty lip and baby talk started AGAIN!!!! I have got to the point where I just dislike this child, unless there is money and food is involved she isn't interested/. She is a very self centred cold hearted person like her mother. When my husband sent the message to tell the mother that she needs to speak to the kid again about her hygiene we just get negative comments back. It is almost not worth asking the mother to do anything.
SD just looks at you with a blank cold face and has no interest in listening when you say why you need to wash your bits properly and put pads in the bin correctly. My husband thinks i am being over the top and we have fought like nothign else since this occured 6 days ago. I said i am concerned for the childs health as she is not cleaning herself. He said i am too harsh on SD and let her mother deal with it. I said ok no worries, so should i send back the stained underwear and clothing to the mother to wash cause no one seems to give a crap and i am not touching it. He of course has the sh*ts and insists he will wash it. (3 years and he has never turned the washing machine on nor knows how to) This a manipulative stage (does it often) he is plotting hoping i will give in, I will NOT. Not the first time he has tried to manipulate me especially when it comes to SD. This is the short version so sorry for rambling on but this child has been very rude and disrepectful to myself and my husband and when i tell her how rude she is being or tell my husban to get her to pull her head in he says "oh it's ok, only see her a couple of time a week so dont want to fight with her when she comes" Well that just means cop out to me and shows the kid will get even worse by not being disciplined when she truly needs to be.
I think my husband will just bury his head in the sand as usual and the child will continue to be a disrespectful smelly brat. Feel like just giving up as i know i will not get anywhere in my marriage when my husband doesnt back me.
Does anyone out there have any of these issues? Thank you for letting me rant! xo
Disengage for a while. It
Disengage for a while. It will be a wake up call to DH and he will start to back you up. I too disengaged when SD was 12. She’s turning 14. She’s much nicer to me now after DH talked to her a few times about being respectful towards his partner. SD figured out I don’t give a crap when I just leave her disgusting things where I find them and just throw her crap into her room. She especially was caught off guard when I suddenly only took DD to do stuff with me and left her home with her dad. Disengage. It works.
Disengagment
I agree about disengagement. It works wonders.
My SO is in charge of washing his and his daughter's clothing. I did it a couple of times, but I discovered real quick that washing another child's pissy clothes was not something I wanted to take on.
You decide what to disengage with. Maybe just the laundry. Maybe add cleaning after her also. Maybe meals too. Maybe even entertainment as well. The great thing about disengagement is - it's not your kid, so you can really just not care.
Thank you
I think you are spot on Areyou. Thank you for taking the time to read my rant. I will make a point of disengaging, it can't hurt anymore than it already does. Thank you again xo
It’s definitely worth it I
It’s definitely worth it I think. As much as I’d love to be a happy, jolly Walton’s family, I know that is unrealistic. If you feel bad, sad, hurt, used - can it get worse. I guess in time reality might kick in for SD in terms of your good advice and what you do - but In the meantime be happy with your partner and don’t let anything stop that.
you are not responsible for SD so don’t feel guilt, if they want your help and support they have to earn it and respec you.
Attention seeking behavior
This child is behaving this way because she wants adult attention, albeit negative attention. You need to stop enabling this attention seeking by showing your disgust. Next time, calmly call your husband, point to the unsavory pile of underwear, and inform both your husband and SD that one of them is going to wash it, not you. Then turn around and walk out, without any further discussion.
Only problem is
She may be living with you at 40 . The same way. Same room mess. Make her clean up some. All kids are that way. But there has to be some type of limits
teach her to use the washer
Kids that can use an ipad or phone can certainly learn how to use a washer/dryer. Teach her to use cold water on blood, spray n wash on poo. Buy her some intimate wash for her bits. She needs life skills and sadly her parents are not stepping up.
She is old enough to do her
She is old enough to do her own laundry. Shut the door to her room and only enter if it's an emergency. You can't care more than her parents. If they are fine with her being a filthy slob, you will never make a dent in her behavior.
Exactly, why would you do
Exactly, why would you do laundry for a thankless heathen? She is plenty old, time for her to start doing it herself. My SD is 9 and we had a period where she wasn't wiping or flushing. I told her if we caught her not wiping she would be grounded and have her tablet taken away. I also hung signs up in the bathroom. Sh*t changed real quick.
She sounds exactly
Like my 11yo SD! Not bathing, Shitty underwear, period panties and all.... I won’t wash her gross clothes... She won’t bathe unless we force her to and she never brushes her teeth... my DH has to deal with it now...I leave the nasty panties out for DH to be grossed out by...
Sounds like we all have
Sounds like we all have common SDs. I am disgusted by the hygiene of my SD15 - my friend even commented on how she stank when she was here - won’t be having SD in my social circles!