Hi,

I am married 10 years ago to my husband and we have an 18 month old toddler. Before we met his ex wife and him divorced, due to her having an unplanned child with another guy while still being married. She was having an affair behind his back.It was not nice for anyone presumably and he had a daughter with her.

He left and stayed in the local area. However, he met me two years later and we quickly married and set up home in my city, which is a capital city. The mum remained in principal custody and chose to live with another man in a town that is very remote from our place, generally very remote anyway. For years, he drove a 6 hour round trip on fridays to pick her up and drop her back on sundays. I really probably tried too hard with the daughter, welcomed her into my home (dad lived wiith me) and bought her gifts, was loving and kind in all ways. I really tried to understand how hard the situation was for her. She was 10 at that stage when she met me. Now she is 18. Since then, over the years she caused me great stress and distress being like a spy on my home, snooping and stealing from me (lying about it too). She was rude at times and I could just see the hate in her eyes at times. I have found this whole experience so daunting and so many arguments have happened, due to the lack of boundaries. Eventually my husband would come to admit I was right about some things but went through hell and high water. Her mother was quitely working away in the background to attack us and bad mouth her dad and he regularly. The kid ended up being resentful and jealous etc. I went nacho one day, however I still try too hard when she comes over. I still cook and clean 3 meals a day (special ones), dote and stay around too much, so much so I get exhausted. And I ask myself why? I know she still DNGAF really. Since my son came, I have tried to focus on my life more and less on their drama. Their relationship is not great as she does not reply to communication from him for weeks sometimes and rarely contacts me. Only when she wants something from him or wants to visit the city to shop. She is now working and has a boyf so she really is busy with that and dad is now even more on the backburner. 

Now she is 18 and my issue is, she is coming to the city for concerts or on holiday (airoort is close by), so evey time now she wants to bring her boyrfiend to stay. The holidays they stayed several overnights and we had to reshuffle the whole house. Baby goes off routine and wont nap as too much people around, they sit and watch netflix all day and night, bar going to the shopping mall which they dont have closeby in their own home. After everything I have been through I can barely cope with his daughter coming, as I know she does not care much about us, never contacts, never takes her brother anywhere but seems more than happy to use our home as a crash pad for shopping, being alone with BF and for other convienence. Although I get i have a SD and need to accomodate, I am not best pleased this lad is coming along every time. I think if she were interested in spending time with her dad or family then she should- she sees her boyfriend every day- they also work together. As I said, these people do nothing here, and I can see that she is just using. This is not about love or missing her dad, she is manipulative and cunning and often uses people for lifts to work and then complains about them when they do it for months and say they cannot do it any longer as she needs to get her own transport. I raise this with my husband and I get framed as the B*tch. 

I appreciate this is also his home, but I do not feel compelled to take responsibility for her boyfriend as well, I can just about deal with her coming as I know she does not respect or like us. I am so tired of people only defending SK's. I get it, it was so hard, I spent many years trying to help her process this and was there for her, but I know deep down I need boundaries too and I don't want to readjust my whole life and my childs to accomodate this situation.