Step Kids are NOT the only ones in the house.......DRAMA
SD14 moved in with us last year full time; I/we have three other children. This process has been very tough on EVERYONE! I would say I have tried to make a lot of adjustments.......making mistakes along the way; but SD is a compulsive LIAR - not just about big stuff but everything and anything; she has been with us a bit over a year and has been grounded about 10 months total!! I don't even trust her to take a walk.
Our house has been nothing but a snowballing argument - my DH and I are about to end a 12 year realationship because of all this. SD cries it's because of me.....boohoo and dad bye's it hook line sinker. I am not being a mean SM - all she has to do is tell the truth and not be so sneaky. Everywhere she goes DRAMA follows; I mean it! There isn't one day goes by that she does something she's not supposed to our lies, or sneaks out......I told DH that I think she does things "on purpose" just because she knows it bothers me; and then him and I fight and then the spot light is of her!
I have been a step kid and I know the game but not daddy!!
It just gets old and exhausting........any ideas or stories.....plz
Sorry I don't have any ideas
Sorry I don't have any ideas but every time I read a story like yours its gives me chills. I hope my SD9 doesn't turn into a liar/sneak/huge problem!
All I know is, my own BD, now 19, was a PAIN in the neck who put me through the wringer when she was younger, getting in trouble, lying, the whole 9 yards of teenage girl nightmare (she finally just grew up and out of it around 17, magically) and I could barely hang on and she was my BIO daughter. I can't imagine if it was a STEP daughter!
Hang in there... it's too bad you have her full time and get no breaks from the drama...
Disengage. He is responsible
Disengage. He is responsible for her staying home and behaving herself. If the cops bering her home and he isn't there, refuse to have her in the house and she can hang out with the cops until Daddy gets home. He is responsible for feeding and clothing her. He is responsible for washing her clothes.
It gets tough because the other kids see her getting away with all kinds of crap. But tell them to lock their good stuff away and you do the same.
She will sink and probably then her father will see what the picture REALLY is. With you in the middle it dulls her bad behaviour because it has to bounce off you first. Which means she does something bad and you tell DH. He hears what you are saying and then takes it with a HUGE handful of salt because, after all, you HATE SD. So removing yourslef from the middle lets him see her for what she really is.
And if she keeps running out then it makes things more peaceful at home.
You can tell your DH that you obviously are not doing a good job helping him with his daughter. So from now one he is fully responsible for her. This way he doesn't fight with you anymore and you can return (yeah ! Right!) to the loving relationship you had in the past.
I told my DH his son was the go-to guy at high school for drugs. The nice middleman. I heard it from my 2 kids who heard it from others. I felt DH had a right to know. DH spoke to SS1 who denied it to the hilt. I know DH believed him.
The same SS is now in a half way house for drug users and alcoholics 3 yrs later. DH says he didn't believe him but I remember DH telling me that his son said he wasn't and his word is good enough for him. Okey Dokey,
She will fall and fall hard. Just step back and parent the children you CAN parent. It isn't your job to make up for crappy parenting.
Wow, this sounds like my
Wow, this sounds like my story. My SD15 is the most lying, vindictive, evil, piece of work that I have ever seen. It's crazy! I was a teenager once, so I know it gets hard. Heck, I was a female teenager with a step mother and step father (both my parents remarried). So it's not like I don't know the game. Some of the things she's done to me is so far out there - that she could have been in a juvenille detention center.
I am also contemplating leaving my husband. I met him in 2001 and we've been married since 2004. It's been an uphill battle since 2004 - when I became his wife. I am literally just tired of it. That's why we are in counseling right now. I was ready to pack my bags and leave.
Don't really know what to tell you. Other than, if you really love your husband, try counseling. Maybe it will help him understand his actions. I also like what the previous person said - DISENGAGE!
I have tried and it was easy
I have tried and it was easy when she was at our house just on the weekends. But now that she is with us full time; I want to scream. He calls me a b* because I don't "want" to be apart of it all! He makes her come to me (all the kids) and ask everything!! I hate it; I want to say no to everything because she is such a liar. DH makes us be this "happy" little family but its just NOT!
Wait, he calls you a b*? Oh
Wait, he calls you a b*? Oh heck nah. That's not even cool. He needs to stop that immediately.
My DH does the same thing. For example, he knows that I don't like SD15 to bring friends over to our house on the weekends she comes to visit. First of all, I've worked all week and I have 2 boys (3 and 9 months). When she comes, I feel like I have to clean behind her, her guests, my DH, and my boys. It's the weekend and I am suppose to relax. I worked more than 50 hours at work, don't I deserve a break? But when she wants someone to come over, DH sends her to me to ask. It's like, you already know the answer, why send her to me - ANSWER HER YOURSELF. I think it's DH's way to make me look like the bad person. But, I've found the trick to this. I have already told DH that none of her friends are coming over, so when she comes to me, I will simply say 'Daddy told me that he already said no about your bringing your friends over because he's not going to clean up behind them, so I am not sure why he's sending you to ask me when he told me no already.' Case closed.
DH did what????? Oh Hell~o
DH did what????? Oh Hell~o NO!!!!!
HIS KID HIS PROBLEM!
Have a sit down with DH and tell him he had balls when he donated the sperm to make her...SO He needs those balls now to deal with her and her crap! NO MORE sending SD to you to MAKE you the bad person...FLAT out "NO MORE BUSTER!"
You can try setting "house rules" with SD and most importantly WITH DOD's (dear ole dad's) HIS FULL BLESSING AND BACKING.....
Simple list with what you as parents BOTH agree upon with NO QUESTIONS ...broken rule=instant loss of privalage...
It is worth a shot...then SD's "fun" will be totally up to HER and NO LONGER the fault of her "Mean Wicked FunKilling SD Hating STEP MOM" Her loss of fun will be because of HER choices....nothing else...IF SD wants fun she WILL step it up and behave/help out/not lie/be respectful....Key is DH HAS to be TOTALLLLLLY on board....And NEVER EVER change the punishment SD EARNED or give into being manipulated.....
Good Luck! I live with a PIA SD and a DH with "Head in the Sand Syndrome"!!!!!!! So I feeeeeeeeeel You!!
I agree with all of you and
I agree with all of you and love the comment......
think it's DH's way to make me look like the bad person.
I also think that since we have caught her lying so much; now that it's me doing all the deciding - if she gets caught lying again - I'll be to blame. I know all these GAMES. Do they really think we are that stupid??