You said you're an ex-model. Maybe in her troubled mind, she feels insecure and jealous about that? I don't know. But whatever she feels is for her to deal with. I hope she will seek counseling before things get too bad.

Although she was vulgar to you, maybe she's growing up-maybe. After all, she included you in the invitation. Many SDs invite dad but exclude sm. But hope for the best and expect the worst.

Wear something nice. Not over the top, but nice and dressy. Hold tight to dh and pray that sd will have a happy marriage so she won't bother you, at least as much.

Good luck!

If I was you I would stick to something that is just classic. Go a little more conservative but accentuate your figure since you take good care of yourself. I am sure that your husband loves how you look so I wouldn't down play anything just don't go over the top.

AND worst case scenario, if she is horrible, leave. Make some back up dinner reservations at a great restaurant near by and that way your time to get ready won't have been wasted

Wear whatever makes you happy.  No one in her mother's family is looking out for you.  They will behave like fools no matter how you dress, so make yourself happy first. They will be nasty either way.  Wear what makes you feel good.

Go for it!  Be radiant.  Do yourself up to the 9s and rock your DH's arm.  Be classy. Hit your favorite spa for a total tune up, hit your favorite clothing boutique for just the right couture for the event.

Toxic people should not be defining how you present yourself.  Beam your happiness on your DH's arm and make no secret of how happy the two of you are in your lives together..

Cockroaches run when a light is thrown on in a dark room.  Be the light. The roaches will run for the shadows.  Which is where they belong.

I say where what makes you happy, is classy and won't upstage the actual wedding party, kwim? After all, the wedding IS about the bride/groom, not about what you wear at all.

I'd wear something that I'd wear to a similar type of wedding (meaning formal, casual, daytime, evening, garden, whatever it is) where I had no relation to bride or groom. You know, normal wedding attire - don't try to coordinate with wedding party colors or wear a MOB-type dress.  

Black, you should wear black. Just kidding. Wear what you feel good in! 

You are speaking of.  I spent months trying to do the exact same thing that you are trying to do.  I struggled to find a dress that I liked and felt comfortable in but would not upstage BM who was the mother of the groom actually but still the BM not me.  

Well long story short BM is crazy and she has a very large crazy family as well.  If you think anyone appreciated my months of research and search for a dress you would be sadly mistaken.  I have never been treated so horribly and unkindly in my whole life.  For me I would never go again.  I will also never go to any function that includes BM and her family ever again.  

My advice if you must go or think you must go wear whatever you are comfortable in.  They are going to treat you the same either way but you will at least be comfortable.  A lot easier to take on the world when you feel you look your best.  Being a former model I am sure you can find a great outfit for the occasion.  I too am younger than BM and I should have gone with what everyone told me and wore what I wanted and found a dress that made me comfortable.

This post is over 6 years old. Not sure how these show up.

But yeah, I can relate to this post. When I married DH, my OSD was almost 30 and 10 years younger than me. She went to the tanning booth because she thinks that makes her look really good. A winter wedding, in a freezing northern city and she has to have a deep dark tan - she looked like an oompa loompa. 

And she sure had plans for me when she got married - told me she wanted all the women to wear white to the wedding, to blend in with the bridesmaid dresses. I knew better and when I got to the church there was BM dressed in purple and black like a bruise and her new MIL was dressed in black and white. 

And it was even more obvious to me what her plans were during the rehearsal, when OSD and BM tried to get me to sit in the front row on the aisle.......so they could complain that I was trying to upstage BM. I said I would sit at the opposite end in the front row next to DH.   On OSD's wedding day, it's pretty sad that OSD and BM's main concern was finding a way to embarrass me.

Funny the advice from 2013—suck it up and take it; look nice, but not too nice.

Advice from 2020—ignore the ho (whomever that may be).  Do what is right for you.

Well. . . maybe we are making progress.  And it is progress, deciding to respect ourselves enough to set our own boundaries, if we have to, rather than kowtowing to BM, SKs, even DH.  God forbid we get stuck with the label Evil SM!  Now we know we are going to be stuck with that label regardless.  As someone said, “How dare you marry the Daddeee.”  That’s usually the only “sin,” and one the rest of the family may try to punish you for the rest of your life.  So, DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.  If you decide to go and don’t like the shenanigans, leave or go to a bar next door, turn off your phone, and sing karaoke all night long.  Do a stunning rendition of Where the Boys Are by Connie Francis.

Sweet, you all.  Thank you!