Step Children and Homework
Hello all,
This is my first post, although, I've so many issues to post about I just didn't know which one to go with. Anyhow, here goes...
I'd some advice on how you guys deal with SC and their homework. Now, I should point out the problem I have is a combination of my OH and SS/SD; I'll elaborate throughout.
The problem is I'm fed up of listening to my GF moan at her children about their homework. It's constant and draining. My view is simple, either make your children do their homework with no question about it or let them go without (not what I would ever do in a million years with my own child) because you can't be bothered to fight with them. This actually stems from a whole other issue of my GF being unable/unwilling to control her children, although, we go through phases.
As it stands, we live in what I call a homework house. 24/7 homework, homework, homework. The children get too much homework anyway, as we live in Poland and they have ridiculous amounts of homework. The worst thing is my GF doesn't have any routine for this where as my routine is when you get home you do your homework, as it should take half an hour tops without messing around. The kids are allowed to do them homework whenever they want, sometimes even sitting up till 11 pm with their mum finishing it off (which enrages the life out of me). In fact, my GF practically lives my lazy SK's life for them; you can probably now see what I'm referring to about stemming from another issue. The children don't have a god damn independent bone in their bodies. I don't want to seem harsh but they practically struggle to wash and are constantly shouting mum, mum, mum, mum! Now people may say that this is kids for you but it's not my son and it's not how I raise him. My son, who is 5, has more independence than SS11 and SD8 put together.
Before going too much off topic here, simple question... what can I do? and what are your experiences in similar situations?
Thank you in advance guys and gals
Mark
Unless you want to handle
Unless you want to handle their homework yourself, disengage. You can't control how their Mom handles things. But you can walk away from the situation.
If they start to argue, go in another room to relax and get away from the drama.
I never handle any homework with my SS's unless it is something my DH can't help with or doesn't understand. In that case I answer the question or help the child and then walk away. I don't get sucked into the drama over it.
You can talk to your GF about it but it seems like you already have and no changes were made. So you have two options 1) Take your child and leave or 2) disengage and walk away when the homework drama starts.
I read it as him saying he
I read it as him saying he wouldn't HAVE to do it with his kid, because he'd make his kid do the homework. He wouldn't have to let the kid "go without" because unlike her, he would bother to fight about it
Priorities. In my home, it's do what you need to do before you do what you want to do.
For everyone. All the time. Period.
I don't remember my parents
I don't remember my parents ever having to fight with me about homework at that age, to be honest. I did it because I liked learning and knew that it had to be done. My mom always got excited about teaching me to read, write, math, etc. before school even started so maybe that's why.
If they don't like doing homework and aren't responsible enough to do it themselves, someone should stay on top of it and it shouldn't be a fight. Why not sit them down at the kitchen table and watch them do it? Not you, but your girlfriend.
I guess I'm not understanding how it becomes a fight and all this drama arises if she's not giving them the option to do it or not... She's the parent. She needs to sit her kids down and tell them they're not going anywhere until it's done.
There is always the "not your
There is always the "not your kid, not your problem" option to take.
Not what I did though. Fortunately my bride and I were aligned on most things Skid related including homework. That made things a whole lot less drama filled when it came to raising the Skid.
If she doesn't want to parent
If she doesn't want to parent her kids your way then it's best if you just disengage. Stop coming home during "homework" time, stop being her listening ear whenever she complains about how much of their homework she has to help them with, stop giving her advice since she isn't taking it anyway. Just shut her down when she starts complaining and say "this is your choice". Another suggestion could be to ask another mom friend (when y'all are all together) how much homework her kids have, how long it takes them to do it, does she finish it for them, etc. Let your wife hear another Mom's answers so she understands what she is doing isn't normal and isn't helping her kids in the long term.
Disengage, they are not your
Disengage, they are not your kids and not your problem lol...... all you do is.... ignore ignore ignore.
If your GF asks your help, then give it freely in form of advice, simply say Sweety, tell your children home work time is from now till then...... and no electronics while doing homework, they will sit and do their homework... you are not going to do it for them, if they are not done, send them to school with incomplete... who cares...
that's it... either she listens to your advice or she goes on like now - it's got nothing to do with you.....
An effective tactic for
An effective tactic for dealing with homework completion issues is to sit the kids down at the dinning table, review their homework with them, assess a reasonable time horizon for them to complete it, place a belt on the table in front of them then stand up and say "you have until XX:YY time to have it done. Have it done or assume the position. Call me if you have any questions or need some help."
Then walk away. If they aren't done on time check to see if there are any extenuating influences and if not.... apply the belt to the appropriate kid ass(es).
As my grandmother was fond of saying if they can't listen and learn they will have to feel.
End of homework problems.