SS9 is being such a brat
My SS9 has been quite the little jerk of late. (can I say that?)
We had a big Christmas, big interstate trip with him and SS14. We get home and everything seems to be fine until he starts demanding more toys from us. DH and I told him straight out that he was given a great deal & we aren't spending any more.
SS9 grabs his new iPod and messages BM dearest asking if he can see her, puts on the baby voice and badmouths us (she feeds off that) Anyway, he went to BM's place for the night & when he returned we laid down some house rules and spoke to him about his behaviour. He chucked a tantrum (and I mean tantrum...he was actually waving his arms and kicking his legs on the ground). I had to say something. I said "You do realise you're almost 10 years of age, don't you?" - Perhaps I shouldn't have said it but I couldn't take the screaming and whining any longer.
It's been a few days and I've said very little to SS9. He has been now trying to suck up to DH by baby talking and making animal noises at him. It's kind of weird... DH isn't buying into it and keeps telling him to stop talking like a baby, but he doesn't stop.
He also has it in his head
He also has it in his head that he can come to our place during the day, go in the pool and play games and eat his 3 meals and then go back to BM's for the night. (BM promises this all the time and then you never hear from her, plus she always lets him sleep in her bed.). It's now been an ongoing struggle to say to him no, you're in our care so you're here. Part of me wants to say "get the hell out of my house" but the better part of me knows he doesn't get fed there or clothed and never taken to school with BM. He's only wanting to go there because she's showing him affection (for now, it doesn't last long).
I'm so confused. SS9 knows I'm angry with him so he keeps trying to sweet talk everybody else. I just cannot stand the baby talk, tantrums and playing games any longer. I cringe every time.
Yes, we have them in our care
Yes, we have them in our care full-time. It's not court ordered but she is not a very fit parent and so we have them 100% of the time. She was meant to have them every second weekend but couldn't keep that up so they are just with us and we have told them they can see her but it needs to be scheduled and needs to work around us.
I sometimes fear going home from work because I think my face says everything. When I walk in the door and hear the baby talk, I immediately disengage and hide in our room just so I don't have to listen to it.
Am I overreacting?
My SS9 sounds very similar to
My SS9 sounds very similar to yours, I keep wondering if it's their age? Mine has been doing the baby voice for a few months now and it just seems to be getting worse. I've addressed it with DH who has repeatedly told SS to speak normally but it hasn't stopped and sometimes he'll do it all the more when we address it. Last time he was here it was the worst I've heard it yet, I mean really really babyish to the point where when he spoke to me I actually laughed at him because a) it sounded so ridiculous and b) i couldn't actually make out what he was saying. I get the feeling they know it annoys us so that's partly why they do it and maybe they want to act babyish thinking we'll find it cute? I do the same I disengage and hide in our room, wear earphones, anything to drown out the voice because I can't bear it, it's vile! I wish my DH would address it properly and make consequences!
LOL! Funny threat. I
LOL! Funny threat.
I couldn't do it, but I'm sure it would work.
My ss9 wants to be a YouTube star when he grows up.
(I am blown away by this ambition and children's addictions to this damn site!!!)
He feels as though if he
He feels as though if he tells the kid he can't see his mum, then SS9 will think we are keeping him from her.
Bit of an update, it's midnight here and we are just getting to bed after a two hour tantrum. SS9 refused to go to bed and screamed the house down. He has had his things taken away from him but boy did we cop the abuse tonight. He kept demanding to go to BMs which DH said no to so he kept screaming and kicking the ground. He got a smack from DH which didn't stop him.
DH said to him to stop playing games and blackmailing us now that it's bed time and SS9 kept resisting. Very tough and I feel for DH who is very patient with SS9 and does all he can to provide and create a stable environment. However, tonight was just a bit too much especially when both of us have to be up early for work.
Why do some kids flat out refuse discipline even if they have been spanked? If I looked at my father the wrong way, I would have known about it. I never dared to do half the things kids seem so confident in doing these days. (I sound like an old bat now)
Absolutely. Or, daddy turns
Absolutely.
Or, daddy turns him over a knee and lights his ass up but good.
Good lord, he's a bit old for
Good lord, he's a bit old for tantrums like that! Why did you guys engage with him at all though? If my 5 year old is having a tantrum, we send him to his room and tell him he can come out when he's done. *shrug* One, we don't want to have to listen to it. Two, engaging with him (trying to force him to stop) always just prolongs the tantrum. And three, sometimes *I* feel like throwing a tantrum when kids are making me insane, so I can sympathize with needing an emotional outlet when it's overwhelming - they just need to learn to do that in private (scream into a pillow or something) and not spew it all over everyone.
Was SS coming out of his room or something? (Just trying to see if there was some reason you didn't just chuck him in his room and ignore him.)
He sounds a LOT like my ss9.
He sounds a LOT like my ss9.
I think the baby talk and noises is something BM encouraged. Its the only thing that makes sense to me. Maybe when he did that with BM he got away with it??
Bm also let SS sleep in the bed with her. In fact, he has never had his own room until he moved in with us just before Thanksgiving.
I just try to be as kind to him as possible and talk to him as calmly as possible in regards to his attitude. I do LOTS of "punishments" in the aspect that negative behavior creates negative consequences and positive behavior creates positive consequences.
He loves to play video games and is addicted (yes, addicted) to them. So for every negative behavior we minus 20 minutes from his allotted daily playing time. (Which he HATES)
Once he has lost that, we go on to the next thing.
I'm a pretty mean step mom when it comes to punishments according to him, but that has to do with the fact that he had a free for all situation at his BM's house. That changed when he moved in with us.
I agree to, Often, I make him sit alone in his room with no technology and allow him time to think. After I have cooled down, I go in and try to talk to him about why he got in trouble. If he still has an attitude, he must sit there longer until he can openly communicate with me in regards to his problems/fears/tantrums/etc.
Just a thought, I know when they hit full blown tantrums there isn't much you can do. I agree with some of the above, don't engage during that time. They are trying to get your attention. They are winning with your engagement.
Just ignore and go about your business the best you can. The tantrum will dissipate a lot faster.
Thanks for all the
Thanks for all the advice.
The reason we engaged was because he was sent to his room kicking and screaming. He kept coming out of his room and pretty much tearing the house down in the process. DH would put him back in his room and he would yell and carry on with things like "I WANT TO GO TO MUMS NOW. I HATE YOU. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN HERE. YOU'RE A MEAN FATHER" while running out of his room and up and down the hallway. So basically, DH had to keep going back to him (which is probably what he wanted too).
We have told him repeatedly that he is far too old for this sort of behaviour and that tantrums and if he wants to carry on like a baby, he will be treated like one. For example, babies do not have iPods, they can't play video games or go swimming in the pool without floaties. I told him a few nights ago that he is quite privileged and that there are lots of toys and clothes of his that he doesn't use or play with that could go to other kids who are less fortunate. He snapped at me and almost had a meltdown about it. (Why he wants to keep clothes that are 3 sizes too short for him is beyond me).
Last night, he told me "I've been thinking and I feel bad and I want to give some of my toys to needy kids." - I told him that was great and to go and pick some of the things he doesn't use and put them aside. He then back tracked and said "Oh, I'll think I'll just pick two things." - I said, OK fine... put them aside them. Then he walked into his room for two minutes, came back out and said "Yeh, I'll just do it later".
To me, he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear in order to make me think he is being good, but really he is very selfish and it continued on through the night.
He actually told us that he would stop chucking a tantrum if we put his TV back in his room. I couldn't believe it. He knows exactly what he is doing... Half of me wants to put his damn TV back just so we can get some peace and quiet and sleep, but then I know if we do, he will think he has us wrapped around his little finger.