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SS kicked BF out of soccer game

Cookieboom's picture

As you know SO won 50/50 custody but SS refuses to follow. BF is taking BM to court for contempt, which is in about a month (BM went to court for restraining order against BF (which got denied)

The other day BF took SS to his soccer game.  It was his scheduled day with SS.

After he dropped him off and was getting out to watch, SS told him that he wanted him to leave because he is fat and ugly and he doesn’t want to be associated with him.  SS was insistent and final BF left, and as he was leaving he saw BM pulling up. 

I told BF that he needs to end this coustyd battle with her. And tell SS “since I’m fat and ughal and you don’t want to be associated with me, you can go live with BV full time.”

Apparently my friend (who is a social worker) thinks I was out of line and should not have gave him this advice.  She thinks he should not have left the soccer game. WWYD?

Rumplestiltskin's picture

This situation is a dumpster fire. Any advice you do or don't give isn't likely to make much difference. Were i you, i would hold off on marrying or cohabiting until this kid ages out and boundaries are in place. 

AgedOut's picture

I see no good future for your SO while his son is acting this way and it's being enouraged and stoked by the mother. It just plain sucks and I'm sorry your SO is going through it. 

Do you have other children in the home?

Cookieboom's picture

I have two kids, but when BM came back (She ran off with a married man) and started alienating SS, I kept myself and kids away from the situtation.  

simifan's picture

Your SO's situation is horrible. SS is completely PAS'd. He is 16 and actively hostile to his DH. I agree with you, it's time for DH to drop the rope. SS has already proven he will do as he pleases.

ESMOD's picture

You know.. if I had spouted off at one of my parents like that.. it would have resulted in an IMMEDIATE U-turn.. my father would have approached the coach.. apologized for the fact that due to behavioral issues.. his son was going to be unable to play in this game.. and kid would have been told to get in the "dmn" car.

Oh.. you say SS would refuse?  my parents would have had zero problem loudly making an embarassing spectacle of themselves and me by extension.

Oh.. yoohoo.. sweetums SS.. It's your ole FAT and Useless father here.. well.. I'm demanding that you get in the car now.. because we are going home so we can take care of that rash on your private parts.. Oh.. SS.. come on.. I don't want to discuss the fact that you still pick your nose.  I can do this all day son.. let's go.. you aren't playing today.. you acted like a spoiled little brat.. so your teammates probably don't want to even be around your trifling self.  come on.. it's not going to get better the longer you delay this.

 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I agree. Playing in a soccer game is not a basic need or right. Neither are electronics, junk food, or anything else deemed "fun." DH would be within his rights to drive him home (DH's house) if it's DH's legal custody time, and plop him in an empty room with just a bed and desk for doing homework, and tell him he can earn back fun things by behaving normally. Not even nice or friendly, just basic respect. I agree with OP's advice to her SO but i think it is years too late. This kid has been catered to, butt-kissed, and allowed to do and say what he wants for so long due to his "pick me!" parents that he is the definition of spoiled, which is ruined. It's sad for him but he is probably already a write-off who will struggle for the rest of his life because he never learned self-control or work ethic. 

Yesterdays's picture

We were raised the same way. Acting out meant you were immediately sent home. Want to throw a tantrum in the store or restaurant meant you had to leave IMMEDIATELY.  It's funny I see so many parents trying to reason with toddlers in the store like they are an adult to try to get them to behave. I would just have thrown them over my shoulder and left. I agree with Esmod I would have cancelled him going to the game. I know it's hard because of alienation but still. When a kid is acting that horribly it can't be accepted and there needs to he a harsh message sent that it won't be tolerated in any fashion. It sends a bad message to allow it that you'll be allowed to be treated like garbage. 

ESMOD's picture

It's funny.. when I was young.. there were zero options for parents to get groceries.. meals delivered straight home.

There were times my mom aborted a grocery run.. there were times that one of my parents went out to the car to sit with me or my brother while the rest of the table finished the meal.  

"oh.. I had to get the groceries done.".. nope.. you do not.  you can go another time.. you can arrange for pickup at the store lot.. you can have it delivered.. 

And.. I get lots of teens.. preteens get embarassed by parents.. still.. being overtly rude to a parent shouldn't go with out it being addressed.. and we certainly would have lost the game privilege.

advice.only2's picture

So your BF is throwing even more money down into the bottomless pit of despair so he can get kicked in the crotch again by the “justice system?”  I would have just told SS have a nice walk home.  Then in future let SS know he can get himself to and from practice as he’s 16 now.

CastleJJ's picture

I agree with you 100% (and I'm a social worker). Social workers who aren't in stephell don't get it. I think your BF is being foolish. He may have 50/50 on paper but BM and SS are never going to let him exercise it. Your BF would be smart to let SS be with BM permanently and cut his losses. This isn't his son anymore, he is too far gone. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your advice was spot on and you were right to give it. This kid is 16, he is not going to be changing his attitude anytime soon. BM has alienated him, and SO has let him get away with his behavor for too long. Nothing is going to change because no one is going to do anything differently.

Rags's picture

firmly in the face of his toxic spawn, chewed him a new asshole in public in front of everyone. Then placed him back in the car by a twisted ear, and left.  Daddy's visitation time, daddy decides.

And for damned sure DO NOT drop the custody case and DO NOT fail to follow through on the contempt filing.

If BF caves, and crawls away, BM and BF's idiot shit of son win.  While BF may not win, he needs to be absolutely commited to the escalating misery inducing consequence campaign to get his X under control and keep their spawn fully suffering along with his toxic BM.

BF needs to keep BM's nose constantly scrubbed in the stenchy spots in her life's carpet with a firm hold at the scruff of her neck  while kicking her in the ass with every legal, social. and financial tool at his disposal.  His toxic shit of a son needs to see mommy snivling and cringing at the very thought of your BF and she should drop to the ground in tears any time she lays eyes on him.  Your SS needs that lesson as well and needs to have his own nose plunged into his shit filled toilet of zero character for even thinking of drinking his idiot BM's KoolAid.

Grrrrrr.

It would be game on if I were your BF and this crap was happening.

Nea

We used the total destruction model on the SpermClan and we kept SS fully abreast of the facts in an age appropriate manner. This is what in large part resulted in SS-31 being a viable adult, man of honor and character, and a man of standing in his profession and community.  His three younger Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas include a Dole-Queen, a convicted felon, and Spawn #4 who is not far behind the prison inmate.

We did nto have the crap that your BF is dealing with.  Because DW had full physical and legal custody from birth and any time SS would come home from SpermLand visitation with any toxicity from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool we talked with him about it, reviewed the facts, and explained to him how the CO worked, etc......  They tried to infect them with their gamly effluent, unsuccessfully. Because his mom and I made damned sure to innoculate SS from their sleeze with an example of a strong marriage, a caring and quality family, and .... the facts and full knowledge the counters to the SpermClan lies and manipulations.

BF needs to go scorched earth on his X and on his idiot son.

Diablo

Harry's picture

For years.  Didn't SO was part of SS childhood? Did he did father things ?  Did he take care of him doing special things on his birthday. I.e. birthday father son fishings trip. Paintball  trip.?  Or is he now just trying the BF thing

Cookieboom's picture

but BM ran off with a married man.   

BF was raising SS by himself.  BM wrote him an email, relinquishing her parental rights as she blamed SS for her on/off again relationship with her married BF. She wrote in the email that she needed "to be happy" and SS was ruining her relationship.  She also wrote in email that she no longer wanted CS.  There was no court order, I told BF that he needs to go to court and file emergency full custody as I stated she could come back and take SS, he refused ("BM would never do that”) Live and F'ing learn!!

We waited a while before I met SS.  I met SS, he was sweet to me, liked me.  We introduced my kids to BF/SS and we got along great.  SS loved my kids and would ask BF  to invite my kids to different outings while I was at work, and they would all go out and have fun.  

BM was dumped (Man went back to his wife and they moved out of state) and she came back, thinking everything was going to be the same.  She flipped that I was in the picture, then the fun began and SS refused to be around me, calling me a whore, etc.  She even took BF to court and got back CS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

I have told BF time and time again to end this foolishness.  Court is in a month, I think he is ready to end this (But the lawyer keeps getting him to prolong it, let’s see what happens from here).  BF is now realizing the situation and has made statements that BM has ruined his relationship with his son. 

Thank you for all your replies!

Winterglow's picture

Well, that explains why she hates yuo so much - she HAS to keep her son away from you because she's scared shitless that you'll tell him the truth about his early years!

Cookieboom's picture

What happened, he doesn't seem to care and thinks she hung the moon.