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Souvenirs can kiss my ass!

StepLady's picture

DH is very smart and also very blessed when it comes to finances and his businesses, in these times it is a big deal for folks to prosper and he is greatly. Thanks be to God. My ex, dd's dad is also stable in his career with very little expenses and some perks. My ex, myself and my DH favor experiences over junk. All on same page right? Yes my ex did sent dd an Ipad but they use it to talk who cares? I did not buy it! We have all been to Disney many times, but we do not buy the ears so to speak, we pay for extra encounters, fast pass etc. But kids are not taken to toy shops daily if you see what I say.
I had no experience outside of my city of growing up. But I was raised in very urban and multicultural way. I knew a lot did not ever own a lot. My mother raised sister and I in one bedroom flat, one room for kids and she either slept with us if cold or on couch if warm. But we both speak more than three languages, have traveled etc. You see, I was raised frugal and correctly in my eyes.
BM1 is more similar to me and DH. She has no room and no cares for crap items all is well with her on those lines. But anytime we travel with BM2 kids and this is after she has tried to fight travel, fight the trips, fight any events she knows about in advance. Well, DH and I just took kids on a school night to a local event that many are going to with kids all over the USA, and BM2 did not know of it in advance. We took kids prior to event, out to eat a wonderful, fun restaraunt for dinner. We let the kids know where we were going and chose their own outfits. We then took kids to the event. Kids were returned on time to BM2 and she sent us an email that kids were so so so sad after the event that they were not gifted with items that were for sale at event. WTF? Really?? Neither was DD! She has no complaints! She enjoyed the show and took from it a fun night out at restaurant and a show. BM2 and I am sure kids were mad after she told them to be mad! She strives to force conflict with DH and making him looking cheap and bad. We are not cheap! They go nowhere unless we take them! But got a terrible and tacky email about "doing things right or not doing them at all" Meaning if we take kids out of for fun, they will need junk food, treats and garbage to take home. Well so what, if we buy items they stay at our home anyways, so why would she care what we bought? It would never benefit her fat ass! We would never buy and send to her home something she could get use of. It is our home, we decide how much crap goes in it and at the moment we are more than full on crap! Deal with it!
DH was nice but firm in email response, "Heard you were not planning to take kids to event at all, we took them, they had fun, if they were not happy with what what purchased as "extras" that is sad and I will talk with them about it later."
I hope his response took the wind out of her sails as far as nagging and greeding! You have to understand, we are the family that took kids to Disney let them each choose one or two things to bring home but they had a blast and it led to many (drunk???) emails about how cheap and mean we are. Meanwhile BM2 does nothing with kids ever because she is babysitting many other kids for money (her brother and her sisters kids) and can not buy a vehicle to suit them all, there for they do nothing ever. Sad on her part, not on ours!
Anyone else here deal with souvenirs and event/trip crying?? I am so so so so sick of it!

twoviewpoints's picture

Ignore the emails. They deserve no response.

If and/or when the children themselves ask/complain to Dad and you about lack of extras at any of our outings, then Dad and you can answer any of their questions and/or disappointments. An event that your DH and you take the kids to on Dad's time and dime is none of BM's business as to what you all buy and spend. The event and activity as a family and a special treat for everyone is in itself the 'gift'. As you say, you occasionally purchase an extra item (such as an extra treat at Disney) but it should not become expected on every outing. It doesn't matter if Dad is standing there with wads of cash hanging out of his pocket...it's not whether or not Dad could have afforded it, it's that no treat is a treat when it becomes an expectation and no child needs something every time they attend a function or outing. That's the way spoilt and entitled children are created.

Again, ignore the BM's emails on her opinions of your family outings. Do not entertain them. BM's can't continue to argue or harp on about anything if Dad isn't responding to her. DH and you have no need to justify your purchases or lack of them on any outing...stop doing it.

furkidsforme's picture

Just IGNORE. Not even worth your time to respond.

Why do you even care what her opinion is? Let it go.

AllySkoo's picture

Totally agree, her email didn't deserve ANY response. Now, I'm with a previous poster in that I like souvenirs, I always buy myself (and usually the kids) something to remember a trip by. Lol So I don't quite buy your point that somehow that makes me terrible or tacky. Wink

I'll offer you a different way to view this though. The kids obviously had a good time with you - it's not like they were complaining when they were with you! Then they go home to Sad BM. What are they gonna do? Tell her what an awesome time they had, and how cool you and their Dad are? Nah... they're going to tell BM what they think she wants to hear. "Oh yeah, they took us to this thing. It was good I guess, but they didn't even buy us anything to remember it!" (Especially if buying crap is BM's "currency" - if that's how she measures the value of people or experiences.) Meh. It is what it is, not worth getting upset over I think. If the kids complain TO YOU about you not buying them crap, I'd address it. Otherwise I'd just ignore the whole thing.

StepLady's picture

I do not think you are terrible or tacky lol! I meant the email from BM2 was terrible and tacky.