So, my marriage seems to be over and me and my girls have got to leave.
Forums:
I'm feeling a little bit numb.
Last night, we had (yet another) row and this morning, my husband has told me he wants me and our 2 girls to move out.
I asked him if its want he wants and he said yes, he can't go on with my "outbursts" anymore.
It's his house and sd13 lives there too (which has been the main reason to our problems - not her so much as his enabling behaviour) so me and my dd1 & dd5 will have to move back in with my mum.
I feel like I'm having an everlasting panic attack.
Has anyone else been through this? How did you cope? Xxx
I'm not sure from a legal
I'm not sure from a legal viewpoint where I stand - its his house, I'm not named on the mortgage, an to be quite honest, the atmosphere at the moment is unbearable.
There's just so much to think about, my children will both need to move schools and I work full time - how am I going to cope being a single mum??
I feel like I can't breathe
If its unbearable and you
If its unbearable and you need to move out do not worry about how you are going to do as a single mom. Getting your babies out of that toxic situation will be the best for them. You will make it. You will and you can! I know panic is not easy, I suffer from it BUT you just keep telling yourself "I can do this, I got this". You work full time which is wonderful so that means you can consider your parents house as temporary until you are able to get your own place. Your kids are young enough that they will adapt with a new school district. They will. I moved my 7 year old (now
and she LOVES it where we are at and would never want to go back to the old school she was at. They are much easier to move when they are young rather then teens.
Do you get child support for your own children? If so that is another source of income to help raise them. You will be fine. You just have to set your mind to believe in yourself. I wish you the best of luck. I know it isn't easy BUT do not worry about being a single mom. I know many single moms who are awesome.
Hang in there. Sorry you have to even go through this. I just think if its toxic where you are at and you have no children with this person then you have an opportunity to run from the toxic situation. I would. My kids are with my DH though and so forever I will have to deal with my toxic SD19 and thank God we are disengaged from her now and she is an adult so I don't have to live with her anymore. Take care.
Go, don't stay put. It is
Go, don't stay put. It is his house. Go to your mothers and immediately seek legal advice. Staying in that house when he (and clearly his 13 year old daughter) don't want you there is not good for you, but it is really unhealthy for your little girls. I hope to God these two younger girls are not his, because if he is throwing out two children to keep the one that is so, so wrong. But if they are his and he is doing this to you and them, don't just go, run like hell. You have no need for a heartless cruel man like that in the lives of you and your daughters,
Staying will only aggravate the situation anyway. Perhaps time and distance may make him realise he needs to change his parenting. He may decide he wants the marriage and you and he need to work together to get on the same page. It cannot all be his way. But if he doesn't, then you and the girls are better off alone than with a man who doesn't want you.
Just go as quickly as you can. Get legal advice as I said immediately. Call him on this and let him know you are serious. The sooner you know the real truth about his feelings for you the better. If he wants you, the idea of you getting an attorney might wake him up. If it doesn't, the sooner your out of this loveless marriage the better for you and your kids.
Mystepshadhorns has written a post titled Haven't checked in almost two years. You really need to read it. She did it, she left. I think although this post was written a few days ago, it was meant for you.
How will you cope being a single mum. Far, far better than you will cope with being an unhappy wife. Your family will,step up to the plate, help will come from the most unexpected of places. You cope because every other single mother copes. I coped, survived and thrived, and I had no family support, and no child support. I don't know how, but I did. We all do. At the time mine were 2, 6 and 7 almost 8.
Both dd1 and dd5 are his.
Both dd1 and dd5 are his.
I'm so scared. I can't even call my mum or my best friend because I know when I say it out loud its real and can't be taken back
Call someone. They will be
Call someone. They will be there for you. Call them. It won't be a shock or a surprise to any of them. They may even be thrilled you've finally left. Call them. It will be okay.
I would also add google
I would also add google womens legal and support services for your state - find out where you stand legally - in some places he cannot legally put you and your little ones out in the street with no notice - depends how stong you feel and whether you are prepared to fight for your home when it comes down to it.
If dd5 is his (not doubting you LOL that sounds wrong) the point being you have obviously been together for well over 5 years, and I assume living in his house for that time? You also work full time, so I would imagine you have contributed significantly to the household in that time?
Find out your rights honey. and stay strong. He is being an ass because he thinks he can intimidate you.
I am so sorry that you are
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You and your girls will be ok. Go to your mom's for now and get a lawyer. Get child support established and start working toward the divorce. Take care of your children! They have to become your first priority.
Being a single mom is hard but not as hard as living the way that you have been dealing with SD. You will be amazed at the relief that you will feel once you walk into your own place with just you and your kids and know that there won't be any drama with your DH or SD. It will feel like a million pounds has been lifted off your chest!
Talk to your mom and keep us updated! (((hugs)))
This is a very emotional
This is a very emotional time. It is devasting for her, as she said she can hardly breathe and is clearly in a heightened state of anxiety. I think the first thing she needs right now is emotional support. A lawyer can sort out everything else for her. If she is going to her mother it would likely be the case that mum would let her catch her breath and find a place when she can. This is her daughter and grandchildren.
I doubt any man who tells his wife to move out and take his 1 year old and 5 year old daughters with her so he doesn't have to teach his 13 year old manners, is going to negotiate the above details in a calm and rational manner. She needs, her mum, her best friend and a lawyer.
Before you move out I would
Before you move out I would contact an attorney. Many will consult for no charge, and they will give you advice on what is the best way to handle this. Yes, it is his house, but it is also your home, regardless of your name being on the mortgage or deed. He cannot, legally, kick you out of the house and cannot make you leave. He has to follow the rules of any other landlord in your state, which is typically at least a 30 day notice and then court, etc, if you don't leave. Contact an attorney today.
What a dumbass. Even if he
What a dumbass.
Even if he said it in the heat of anger, how could you continue in a marriage where he has made it perfectly clear that you and your children are never going to be as important as his first born? A lot of women speculate that the second family is treated as not as important as the first. Well, this would be complete proof. A person willing to sacrifice 3 for the sake of 1.
Im sorry you are hurting.
Im sorry you are hurting.
I have a few questions before I can offer any advice.
Have you been having marital problems long?
What type of problems are you having?
Has he asked you to leave before now?
Outtahere seems to know what
Outtahere seems to know what to do for your location, please follow this advice!
We have been married for 14
We have been married for 14 short months but together for 7
The problems began 3 weeks after our wedding when BM stated she could no longer handle SD13 and she would have to live with us. I was never even consulted in this process - I apparently always knew this could happen so therefore "I had made my bed"
SD13 has spent a grand total of 7 nights with BM in the last year but we still have sd10 every week overnight and eow.
I have no breathing space from her at all, or time alone with my girls. She dominates the house constantly and I would go as far as to say her behaviour towards my dd5 is verging on bullying.
Their father refuses to discipline her and enables such behaviour in fear that she will turn around and say she wants to return to live with her mother (even though it was never really we choice - her mother signed her over through solicitors)
I don't often feel self pity (at least not publicly) but I'm 28 ffs!!!! Why am I doing this??????
my xh kicked me out and kept
my xh kicked me out and kept my kids and put a restraining order against me. I would highly recommend you call your mom for support if she is supportive type and then call and talk to an attorney asap. Also someone mentioned that if you are married the house is half yours and I am almost certain that is the case. So don't just flee, make sure you have a plan. Get control of your emotions and make a plan, with the help of an attorney. Please don't just flee b/c you might lose everything.
PS, I personally think you dh is a dick just like my xh and you deserve way better, but leaving and getting on with you life is going to take planning, not reacting.
Hugs
Stay calm, don't lose your
Stay calm, don't lose your mind just yet. Keep your head on tight just long enough to make solid choices, then close your door and break down. Tough situation your in my dear. Many thoughts and prayers are with you.
Never been in your situation but I seem to get "outburst's" and many panic attacks over seemingly simple things sometimes after much reflections.
Keep your head up girl!
Things will pick up again
Things will pick up again for you and I know you will have a happy life. I do agree with all of the other posters here your husband can not just throw you and HIS children out on the streets and he has shown himself to be a real low life. Get some Legal advice NOW and cover yourself and if this goes to court I can't think that any judge would accept or go in favour for this man when he hears what he has done. Good luck!
Make sure you send him an
Make sure you send him an e-mail asking if he's sure you need to leave your home. You want to have it in "writing" that he's asking you to leave, you're not walking out on him.
I don't know how it works there, but here if you have a consultation with an attorney, they can't take your ex on as a client because it's a conflict so go "consult" with every freaking decent attorney you can so he's left with the bottom of the barrel.
{{{{Hugs}}}} This so hard & I
{{{{Hugs}}}}
This so hard & I know it hurts to even breathe. You have children to protect - you need to rouse mamma bear... if you can't have mom or a friend call an attorney for you. DO NOT Leave without legal advise - this may put you at a disadvantage during the divorce. You have a "vested interest" in the property and may give that up by moving out.
You CAN do this, Fairy.I am
You CAN do this, Fairy.I am so sorry about this whole situation and about who heartless this guy is instead of changing anything trying to kick you and his kids out. Do one babystep at the time.I agree, please call someone first as the first step.Then plan the next.Weare all here to listen.bitg hugs from Australia.
We didn't speak at all last
We didn't speak at all last night when I came home from work.
Then this morning, he tells me he's arranged for SD13 to have 6 friends over to stay and a sleepover for her birthday in 2 weeks and asked how I feel about that!!! And there lies the problem.... He's already given the green light so does it matter how I feel about that???
I just simply replied that I won't be here. I'll be at my mums by then, he said fine and stormed out.
I feel so lost at the moment. I know this is what's best. I know I've tried everything including counselling alone as he refused to attend but I can't carry on with this battle.
He will never change his ways or be able to see things from my point of view.
Mystepshadhorns and
Mystepshadhorns and oncechoosetosmile have stories of success here. Women who were in the exact same place you are now. They made it, you will too. Please get a legal opinion ASAP. Please talk to your mum or your best friend.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your supportive responses. It means so much to have finally found a place where I don't feel alone, I really started to think I was the only person that was goin through very similar situations.
I have today made an appointment with a solicitor to find out exactly where I stand xxx
Please keep us updated!
Please keep us updated!
On the evening of the brat's
On the evening of the brat's birthday, take yourself and your kids out for an evening (movie and fun time). Like all the others said here, do NOT leave your home. The operative word here is YOUR home. I am not sure where you are but I think the UK or Australia (Mum) and I know the laws must be similar to ours in the US. He is being a bully and utterly selfish. You are in an emotionally abusive, probably verbally abusive relationship too. Good luck with the solicitor, get a second opinion if what the first guy says sounds odd. Keep breathing, one breath at a time, when it hurts to breath or function focus on your children, they will keep you putting one step ahead of the other. Share with your Mum, we mothers come out fighting when our babies are hurting, even when our babies are adults. In time you will look back and think how strong you were to go through this.
Fairy, let's face
Fairy, let's face it-something goes very wrong here!! you guys are going through a massive marriage crisis, your world is shattered, you are devastated and this idiot of your husband goes happily ahead planning his kids birthday party with sleep over guests etc etc.In the middle of a marriage crisis , all he can think of is the well being of his already spoiled kid ! How does he dare to be so indifferent to your feelings and the fact that his marriage falls apart??Those men make me vomit in their ignorance.
Trust me , with EXSO I had very similar situations like that you describe ....we would have a massive argument and went through horrible crisis and my EX would take his spoiled rotten brat , SD 8 to seaworld inspite of all that.
I was also the one who went to councelling , just like you(EX SO didn't think it was necessary and didn't come).What I learned there was that I am deserving more and better than this and I finally ended it. Now dating someone without any young kids, going on an exciting over seas trip soon, just saying life can turn around quickly if you give it a chance to improve.I celebrate every single day that SD is never going to be a part of my life anymore, I am free.
Do NOT walk out of that home
Do NOT walk out of that home without consulting an attorney. I understand that you must feel as if you were sucker punched in the neck BUT you have 2 kids that will require you to use your HEAD right now. One thing men usually underestimate is the resourcefulness of a woman wronged. You set your ducks in a row before you set ONE FOOT out of that house. I am sure he can claim abandonment or whatever else he can conjure up if you just leave.
Steps to take:
1. Reach out to family & let them know what is going on.
2. Reach out to an attorney.
3. Start getting documents, money, debts in order.
You make your PLAN before you leave. You do NOT give him that power. Not now, not EVER.
Yes, DO NOT leave the home
Yes, DO NOT leave the home and get your ducks in a row! Exactly what Unfreakingreal said! I know laws vary from state to state but I would consult with an attorney before you move out. It doesn't matter if the house is in his name only. He cannot simply kick you and YOUR 2 children to the street!
I don't know what your incomes are, but he must support your children! Also, you can also ask for alimony(again, depending on what state you live in, not sure what the laws are). In our state, you can also file for "Temporary Relief" for child support, exclusive us and possession of the marital home (yes, even if it is in his name) etc. When you file for Temporary Relief, it will at least have some money coming in for the kids until you can either reach an agreement on child support or all of this goes to full blown litigation.
DO copy all the documents you can of his (tax returns, bank statements, paychecks, etc.) before you go.
Get your Guns out Annie! He is an awful person to do this to you and your 2 daughters!
You will make it through this but as hard as it may be, keep your cool. In a heated moment, do not tell him what you are planning! Meanwhile, plot to get everything in order while he is distracted thinking that you wouldn't dare do anything of the sort. Silence is golden
(((((Hugs)))))) to you through your rough time. You will make it!
So pleased to hear you are
So pleased to hear you are seeing n attorney. That is the best possible thing you can do right now. Rapt you ate the cake.
Fairy Dust 28 - I haven't
Fairy Dust 28 - I haven't read all the comments, so if I'm duplicating anything I'm sorry. I recommend before you leave that you contact an attorney to find out your rights and make copies of all important papers and store them in a safe place.
Good luck, be strong and always remember you are an amazing woman.