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Should I be hurt? Because I am,...

AmIWicked's picture

My husband's sister is a few sizes bigger than me.
SD 13 is one size smaller than me.

SIL and I were on rocky ground for a little bit, but supposedly we are all ok now....

We just got a phone call asking my husband to bring over SD13 because SIL is cleaning out her closet and thinks there are a bunch of jeans that might fit her.
When my husband got off the phone I asked him what exactly SIL said, my husband repeated that she specifically asked for SD13 to come over.
I told SD13 to go get her shoes on and my husband and I were left alone in the room.
I asked my husband, "Should I be offended? I am clearly in between SIL and SD13 in size."
My husband turned around and walked away, "I'm going to say no" as he walked away.
I talked to his back, "Well it still does stop it from hurting."

I DID get invited to her wedding in the US Virgin Islands,... my husband has pointed that out to me before today, but I kind of this she HAD to, in a public effort to reconcile.
But it's still the little things like her not inviting me over with SD13 to look at her clothes which might fit me too...

My feelings are definitely hurt that she either didn't think of me and thought of SD13, or that she still has issues with me and it all isn't past,....

Thoughts anyone?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Why would you want her hand-me-downs? If she had offered them to you, it would have made more sense to me to be offended then. Let the aunt and her niece spend some time together. Gets the SD out of your hair. I do not think you should give it another thought.

AmIWicked's picture

SD13 just came back with two almost brand new pair of jeans.
SIL gained a lot of weight recently and the clothes she bought she didn't wear for long.
In this area we always give hand me downs, it isn't offensive.

Not being asked I feel is.

QueenBeau's picture

I think it would be weird for a grown woman to be excited over another grown woman's hand me downs, especially from someone they don't particularly get along with.

I give my clothes to my mom's god daughter (so I guess my God sister?). My SIL could wear them... but I never think to ask her if she wants them. She's grown and buys her own clothes. Unless she were in financial hard times & asked for something, then I would definitely help.

It just seems odd to me. i'm not above hand me downs, I always go to thrift stores even for my clothes. But my hand me downs go to young women before they go to an adult. just IMHO though.

Sunflower1's picture

Have a closet shopping party. Couple bottles of wine, something to munch and have your girlfriends bring clothes they no longer fit in/want/ etc. the only rules are clean and in good condition. Then you guys can "shop" each other's closets.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

I would be not wanting her second hand jeans- and I would not offer mine to someone else than to children, unless we would be very close.

AllySkoo's picture

I agree with others, I've given clothing away and while I've offered it to my SD's first I never even CONSIDERED offering to another adult! Maybe because kids can't buy their own clothing and adults (obviously) can? Whatever the reason, I'd feel actively uncomfortable offering my hand me downs to another grown up!

Just remember that you see what you look for. If you look for some way that your SIL is giving you offense, you're going to find something. Stop looking. Smile