SHE GOT MARRIED!
this is insane...
DH spoke to SD12 yesterday afternoon and guess what???
Batsh!t BM was getting married- YESTERDAY!
I guess it disproves my theory that her BF and current baby daddy was already married... hmmmm.. ok well, whatever.
Do you think it's normal that SD said NOTHING about this? This IS a pattern- this is the 2nd major thing that SD has neglected to tell us. DH thinks it's ok. I shook my head at the whole situation because I think the idea that BM pressures SD to stay quiet is in a way hurting her and DH doesn't see it. Am I wrong?
It's not the fact that she's getting/got married- its that this is major news and 'happy' news, yet this kid says nothing.
We are getting married next year and have made her a part of the process- junior bridesmaid and all that. I'm very careful what she sees and hears because everything goes back to Batsh!t BM.
That is so weird... I wonder
That is so weird... I wonder why they felt that getting married needed to be a secret?
Is it really something you
Is it really something you needed to know? To me it would be "Oh she is? I am sure she must be very happy."
Maybe she didn't want a big wedding or could afford it. Weddings are expensive for a start.
N0- I didn't need to know,
N0- I didn't need to know, and my reaction will be exactly, "that's great." I do think DH deserved to know. Will this man not be living with his daughter???
What I think is weird is that SD12 said nothing. I suppose some background for you is that SD12 is in therapy for anxiety and panic attacks. It is a pattern for her BM to make her stay quiet about everything. We don't teach her to keep secrets. For a pretty talkative 12yr old- it can't be easy.
Marriage isn't about the wedding- it's about the marriage.
Maybe mom didn't tell SD
Maybe mom didn't tell SD until the last minute.
Many SMs have kept their
Many SMs have kept their wedding date hush hush.
Many BDs and SMs tell the kids not to talk to BM about what goes on in their home.
This BM has made the same choice many SMs here have made.
BM won't hear a peep about our wedding plans from DF, SDs or I. I'm not afraid that she will ruin the day. She's out of the loop because it's none of her business.
I agree it's none of my
I agree it's none of my business- but really? A secret marriage??
Maybe she felt it wasn't your
Maybe she felt it wasn't your business or didn't want anything said because she didn't want judged. I'm sure it wasn't a secret marriage. Just secret to you since you guys weren't told. I don't hide things from my ex but I certainly don't think my entire life needs to be his business. That is why we are divorced. I live my life. He lives his. He sure as hell isn't going to give me updates on his love life. Why would I or the kids run to him with the details of mine?
Not pointing fingers or being mean just saying that she is moving on and doesn't need to give updates. Hell I'd be so happy if BM #1 ran off and got married, Hell yes lets celebrate.
Lol! For sure! She has dated
Lol! For sure!
She has dated numerous idiots before getting knocked up with this one. Couldn't care less.
I suppose I think her getting married, so he will be living with SD full time, deserved a convo with DH. But then again, she is not logical or rational...
you're right- she may have
you're right- she may have told SD last minute...
Perhaps she did'nt want to
Perhaps she did'nt want to hurt her Dads feelings? Or not so nice, Bm did it to hurt your hubby? In her misguided mind that made sense.
nah- DH doesn't care
nah- DH doesn't care
SD didn't tell us when SHE
SD didn't tell us when SHE got married!! But, that would be the end of CS so I guess she had a good reason!
If she had said "BM is
If she had said "BM is getting married to Uncle ___, next week!" hey- no harm, no foul.
She called at 4pm, wedding was at 6pm.... Am I the only one who thinks this is weird?
When we decided to get married, we didn't tell BM either initially. SD must have- but not the DAY OF.
When she kept her pregnancy a secret- (2nd, one different daddy). SD said "Mommy said not to tell you because you would be mad..." DH could give a rat's a$$. Again, the issue is the secrecy.
None of your business....I
None of your business....I wouldn't worry about this one. If she starts keeping more important stuff secret than all you have to do is check the CO and hit her over the nose with it. For us, it was when she tried to put SS on meds....And when her SD was expelled from the HS for passing out drunk. THose lies had impact, this one, doesn't affect you.
I think the concern of
I think the concern of secrecy would be if SD was secretive about her own goings and doings. That she's not sharing about her mother's activities - well isn't that a blessing in disguise?
Got nowt to do with you who
Got nowt to do with you who she marries and when. Only an issue if the guy isnt suitable to be around kids. Most people are secretive, no big deal.
Honestly, this is not
Honestly, this is not something to be upset about.
Hell, BM didn't know me and DH got married either, and we had required it to be kept secret too. NOTHING about what goes on at our house is to be shared to her by anyone other than ourselves. Sorry, but that's respecting our privacy and we would like to keep it that way. The other side should be the same too. We don't give a flying flip unless it negatively impacts the kid.
Read the thread. I said its
Read the thread. I said its none of my business. Usually SD won't shut up about her bm, I find this secrecy strange.
Why do you care so much?
Why do you care so much?
Our BM got married, but did
Our BM got married, but did not want FDH to know. Why? No more alimony. Did not count on their son to tell us-he did it probably to agitate his dad. FDH was far from agitated! We would have never known otherwise-it saved him a hell of a lot of money!!!!!!!
Remember on the playground
Remember on the playground someone would sing "I know something you don't know".
Well some adults still think that way and likely BM is one of them.
I suppose I just think its
I suppose I just think its problematic to ask a child to keep secrets. For this SD it has created panic attacks for which she has to go to therapy.
Like I said before, she is very chatty and sometimes you can see her struggling to remember what she is allowed or not allowed to say. I think it's sad.
We didn't react to the news. Just said "that's nice".
No alimony change- they were never married.
Not seeing what the big deal
Not seeing what the big deal is here, especially since you've made it clear you and DH don't care. My brother and I sure didn't go blabbing the other parent's business during visitations. And yes that included my mother getting married again.
Good grief. I wrote that she
Good grief.
I wrote that she normally does blab everything, usually you can't shut her up about what her mom is up to.
I'm sensing some real animosity here and I'm saying I know it's none of my business. Since when is everything we feel as steps rational?????? I'm brand new here and it is not welcoming.
Don't get too upset over
Don't get too upset over these comments. A lot of us are SM's who could give a shit about what BM's do. And really most of us wish they would find a cliff to China.
Maybe SD and BM mutually discussed things. I know that I tell my kids what goes on in my home is OUR business not their fathers (of course important things not included) Did you guys know she was dating the guy? Or that skids were around him? I for one am so glad SD17 is NOT in my house this summer so I do not have to hear all about BM and how her hair looks more natural or how pretty she is or she does it like this or she does it like that.
Try not to get to upset.
I think everyone is missing
I think everyone is missing the OP's point. She doesn't care that BM got married. What concerns her is that BM tells her to keep secrets. Actually the co-parenting counselor told DH and the sea donkey that they shouldn't be telling SS to keep anything from the other parent and they should be communicating and telling each other about major events that are going to impact their child's life so that all the adults in SS's life that care about him can help him adjust. AND so that the child is not the messenger. To be honest I see nothing wrong with that.
Hell no. If we had the choice
Hell no. If we had the choice she'd never know about our wedding. Are you asking a child to keep a secret?
Thank you Gabriel's mom!
Thank you Gabriel's mom! That's Exactly it.