I would turn off the downstairs tv and develop a love of opera and classical music... they'll soon shift.

Nope, you aren't being a bitch. However, you may want to decompress your sensitivity level on interfacing with them a bit.

Sure, some conversations are A&B conversations between you and DH. Others can and should be within ear shot or even foster Skid participation.

As for the TV... I would make it clear, by that I mean that you and DH should make it clear, that the downstairs TV is yours (DH and you) for your discretionary viewing and the Skids can watch with you but zip their lips and watch what you choose to watch. If they don't want to watch that ... they can go to the TV that they control.

Teenagers who want to interact with their parents/stepparents? You should sell tickets to see those rare creatures!

I’ve seen before someone else offer the advice of removing yourself from them. I think the other poster wanted some alone time with her husband but the skids (younger, pretty sure) were always hopping in his lap and playing “Dadddyyy & 50 Questions,” so start getting up and leaving him to it. Eventually he will send them on their way so he can spend more time with you instead. This is the passive way to do it. You could always tell him that you’d like a time set aside regularly for the two of you to talk.

When DH and I bought a new house before moving in he suggested we make the upstairs bonus room /loft a kid free room. It was a nice cozy place for just us to watch TV. I had no problem wth this, one room besides our bedroom where I would not find skids crap laying around and I could always watch TV.

I told my kid who was 17 yo at the time and he respected that however I had to force DH to enforce the rule with skid19. It’s not that any of the kids would want to join us while we were up there, skid just wanted to be there because he was told it was off limits. But at least DH kept the deal.

I think it’s harder to make the downstairs living room a kid free zone especially if it’s right in the main part of the house. Maybe change your TV room to upstairs and make sure it only has a love seat sized couch for 2.

I get it, it’s nice to have a space of your own without going to your bedroom.

You are not being petty or a bitch...I feel the exact same way about my SD16....I just want my space! I can’t quite put my finger on it, I just do!

nope not a bitch, my 19yr old SD just wants to sit there and pout just looking for a reason to blow up at us and storm out with her BS (daily occurrence) and the 21yr old SD does not shut up, whinges about work talks loud, only addresses SO only and doesn't give a shit if she is interrupting your show. GO AWAY! you had plenty of time to bother us with your BS stop waiting till we finally get to sit down and switch off for the day. Grrrr

hummm... in this case, I would remove the upstairs TV to my bedroom and skids are not allowed to hang in my bedroom lol....

for messing up the living room, I would be all over DH to get them to clean it, or he can clean it himself,

If you want private time, maybe move to a private space.

Our living room is meant for everyone, because it's a common room. That said, at some point in the evening it's our turn - and I'm not shy about telling the kids... Ok after your show, it's our turn.

Sometimes they stick around, sometimes they scram. If I want them to scram, I tell them to scram.

There's another smaller tv in the 2nd living room, there's one in the basement, and one in the garage. They also all have devices they can watch netflix on - there's no shortage of screens to use...

and if I REALLY want private time, I have a tv in my bedroom, which is a DH & ME ONLY room.

Have you told DH how you feel about his kids? What is his response?

What if every night after dinner, your DH wants to watch a movie or TV with his kids, and doesn't want you there at all? What if by 8pm he wants you out of his face? How does it feel? And what if these were your biological kids? Would you treat them the same way? Sheesh.

And yes, I had a SD15 from hell when we got married.

You feel on edge when one of them sits next to you on the couch? Why of why did you marry a man with children? Do you not know how "family" works?

I have days where SD gets on my last nerve, but those days I leave and let DH deal.

But it sounds like a constant thing, I am sorry I am not sure your past with the SKids, but it sounds like they are not welcomed in your home by you.

Everyone some times needs their own time. Maybe you need a get away for just you, put a TV in your room and relax. But I feel like the living room should be a shared space for a family.

Oh Lorlors, good luck to you I hope it works for you. tell SD15 if she ever needs anything to go hound her dad you have checked out or her crap! at least till pregnancy sticks.

We built a bedroom downstairs as far away from the SD's as possible, this is my sanctuary no one is aloud in this room except me and my SO, don't even knock on my door (for your stupid waste of nosy time questions) if we are in there during day hours you wait till we come out or if it's supposedly important text me lol.

Every time I drive around the corner to the house and I see one or both their cars are there, my head drops and I want to turn the car around and run, but I'm stuffed from the day and want to go home so I go straight in purposely avoiding them and go straight to my room and I don't come out. I know sounds like shit and not a way to live EXACTLY but this is my life. I hate this house (not mine) and the free loading tenants in it, I said to my SO the other day as I stood up from the couch in the lounge room "all right I'm tired I'm going HOME now", and he looked at me confused as I went into our bedroom (my home) and shut the door! our bedroom is my home (at the moment) the rest of the place is just a house that I hate being at as long as these Manipulating, Entitled, free loading, silver spoon, childish adult narcissists live here.

I have disengaged form the 18yr old SD and the 21yr old SD they are not little children anymore, I want nothing to do with them. I won't even sit at the table for dinner if they care to join us, I would rather do my puzzle and watch Netflix with the headphones in 100% more enjoyable then sit through that torment. My SO doesn't like it but as I reminded him he created them and refuses to do anything about their childish behaviour (so much more to this story then just invading our space) I also said besides you keep saying you should spend more time with them so have at it their all yours!

Sadly there is soo many of us in the same situation, but today SD18 was at my sons engagement party with us and I used that opportunity to tell everyone in her presence that we had found a house we were looking at buying about an hour out of town, (which we are but sadly I feel this won’t happen but one can dream) I went on and about it SO was chiming in about it to, and SD goes wait are we moving and I said hopefully we are going to look at it soon, and she goes so does that mean me and SD21 have to move out, and I said yes or you come and live with us ( we are moving an hour away knowing they won’t want to travel that far (in hopes any way) my whole point of saying all that around her is because these girls are of the opinion that we will not move as long as they live there, and I wanted her to know that she was wrong, and know that, that is not an option. She then had a chat to my sister in law and said I don’t want to move that is the house I grew up in (cry me a river) and my mum lived in, so they expect us to live here forever , they will eventually move out but we are never aloud to, for her reasons and now they will play that card with their dad and I will probs be living here forever blah I will leave him before that happens. now it’s it out there they know we are looking and that they don’t completely control the situation anymore. Weather we buy this house or not at least the seed is planted and they might start making arrangements to finally get out. One can hope

I should have planted it earlier, cause now they have mastered manipulation on their father (which is really hard to watch because men are useless with knowing that’s what they are doing) so it looks like I will be moving alone. Their mum passed 7 years ago and this was her home, I only moved in with them here because SO didn’t want to move them away from it yet, we will move but not yet, that was 6 years ago. they will always have that over him, and they only play that card when things aren’t going their way, they never have sad moments any more just out of the blue, but when they aren’t getting what they want they pull that card. They use it on everyone except me because it doesn’t work because I know what they are doing. I know it sucks and hard for them loosing their Mum but sadly they never talk about her I talk about her more then they do. And it makes me sick and heartbroken that they use that as their go to to get what they want, once they get what they want they instantly fine agiain and Mum is never mentioned. Any one in my situation would know what I am talking about those that aren’t could never understand. Give me an ex wife any day cause then we could tell them to go live with Mum.

Me and SO are going away tomorrow for a couple of weeks to recharge and escape this toxic environment mainly for me I am going to get away from these 2. Bags packed good to go and the one SD at a time comes to him and makes him feel like the worst dad in the world for going away with out them, (18 & 21yrs old) how dare we do anything without paying for them to go to. And then they started making him feel bad for wanting to move them out of the house they grew up in (cry me a river boo hoo) and this is where Mum was all our memories are here. Why should we have to live here for the rest of our lives when they won’t just cause they want us to, the real reason is because they know if we moved the house would be mine too and they would no longer be able to control the situation and their dad because I would finally have a voice. They control our lives and I’m done with it, i am at the point where I hate these skids. I should wright a book with all the shit they have put us through, hell and back more times then I care to remember, because their Mum died they are of the belief that the world owes them and We owe them too.
So now me and SO are not in a good place ( I have had 1 & 1/2 feet out the door for a while now) and we are going on what was suppose to be our destress get away from everything and everyone break but we are upset mad not just at them but at each other and me wanting to end the relationship, i can’t do this anymore and I don’t see it ever changing They succeeded.

I asked him if we could go to couples counseling, I told him we can’t go on like this anymore, I want to be with you but I can’t live in this toxic environment with skids any longer. the SD’s need serious counseling too. It breaks my heart that they manipulate him like this he is so loving and the type of guy that gets walked all over constantly SD’s are the worst for it because they know what works and I can’t save him from any of it because hearing it from me all he here’s is blah blah blah,