Share house with S-kids? If you had to choose....
Forums:
If you'd had the chance to turn back time and choose either to:
1. move in with your boyfriend/husband and his kids that are visiting 2 days/week or
2. to live with your boyfriend/husband in your house and him to receive the visit of his kids in his house, not having to deal with the brats at all..(2 days/week and 2 holidays/year).
....what would you choose?
(PS: Of course, the second option means just him & his kids, not his ex wife!!)
#2 We had a #1 set-up for
#2
We had a #1 set-up for years. It was to days during the week, with alternating weekends. I loathed the weekends skid was with us. Looking back, I would have been totally okay with DH (and skid) spending time somewhere else, because I always made an effort to steer clear of skid on those weekends anyway...
What man (or woman)would
What man (or woman)would agree to #2?
As a mother, I would not live in or help to financially support a home where my child wasn't welcomed.
I would offer up a 3rd option. We each continue to live in our own homes and just date.
Totally option 2 all the
Totally option 2 all the way!!
Sadly I have just made an epic mistake by moving in with my SO (moved in on December 16th) he had skid EOWK which was all cool....then BM dumped kid on SO FT from Jan 1st.
I now hate living in my house and can't break the lease until December
so come December if SO still has kid FT I will be moving into my own place. I have no idea where he will live, probably with his parents but we will hopefully remain together but I can't be round his kid FT, it is the worst!
I am really angry at myself for by so naïve to think that his could not be a possibility but I have never met any mother willing to give up her kid and in the past she has denied access not pushed more!
No 2 would have been so much
No 2 would have been so much better than what actually happened.
My SD was pretty well behaved
My SD was pretty well behaved when she was a kid, so her visitations were not an issue.
Honestly, if I couldn't stand my DH's daughter to the point that I didn't want her around AT ALL, DH and I probably would not have stayed together.
#1 ... but I like the
#1 ... but I like the Skids... It's BM that is the problem
#2. This circus does not need
#2. This circus does not need another clown.
#2 if I knew we would have
#2 if I knew we would have the same happiness with each other and the same closeness...same exact relationship basically.
I used to wish a lot of things. That she just didn't have kids when I met her was a big one...I try not to dwell on the what if's, only the what is. If she hadn't had the kids I guess the whole relationship could have been different for better AND worse.
Separate houses until skids
Separate houses until skids leave home
works perfectly well for us
#2 for me too after my
#2 for me too after my experience.
Having a skid around full time destroyed my relationship.
People think having SK is
People think having SK is going to be all roses
But it can destroy your relationship. Having SK put before you, because thay are kids and need it really hurts
They had kids with some other person, that failed, and they think you are going to be better then ther X
Neither. IMHO an equity life
Neither. IMHO an equity life partnership between adults is the priority for both partners. Nothing takes priority over that.... ever.
I would not periodically live with my wife. We are together. We make our lives together. We grow together. We address life's challenges together including raising the SKid and mitigating the toothless toxicity of the shallow and polluted SpermClan gene pool.
Kids integrate into that core relationship. The relationship does not go on hold for kids regardless of kid biology.
So... if your only choices are the two you asked about.... IMHO this isn't an equity life partnership. Why would you tolerate being second place for your SO/Husband? Ever?
I wouldn't.
Good luck.
neither, sorry... Either you
neither, sorry...
Either you get a new house together where there's nothing about, but this is my house, now it's our house.... and well decide before hand if you want to live with his kids or not, regardless if they are there EOWE, only summer time or full time...
I moved in with SO, his brat was not there, she moved in and a year later I moved out... till today.. I do not share a house with a disrespectful human living like a pig.
I was asking this because (as
I was asking this because (as I said in a previous post) we have 2 apartments in the same building.
One for us as a couple, and one for him & his kids.
I'm having mixed feelings after what I read here. I was excited to meet his kids and move in together but now I'm no longer so convinced.
DO not move in together....
DO not move in together.... use your apartment as your own personal save love nest space where all the dirty sex happens....
His apartment for kids and him, if it's a mess, it's not your problem, you never have to cook dinner there, if he invites you over for dinner, he needs to cook, and clean, you are a guest. As his kids gets older, he can leave them alone at night and sleep over at your place.... He can have some cupboard space and some bathroom space for personal belongings in your place
but his kids are not welcome there lol
If his kids irritates the crap out of you, you can simply walk back to your save heaven.
You only move in with him when all the children left the coop, age 18, and the only way this is going to happen, is when he parents and not expect you to parent while he's their buddy, this will happen once you move in together...
You seem to know what you are
You seem to know what you are talking about! Thank you for the well-reasoned opinion. I was so keen to meet them, now I definitely see that this current situation makes me more profitable.
Please tell me instead what would you do during holidays? The kids have a problem sleeping alone, the SD-5yo sleeps only with her dad, and he is afraid to educate her into sleeping alone :O . I don't want to sleep on a couch and him to sleep with his daughters - this seems so sick to me. Please advice.
Should I encourage him to make separate vacations, only with his daughters, for the next 10-15 years? Thanks!
hahaha I've been living apart
hahaha I've been living apart the last 5-6 years of a 15 year relationship and it works wonderfully for me.
There will be no holidaying if I have to share a bed with a child, I'm sorry. I think you have to re-think this relationship and put it out there, telling this man.... allowing a 5 year old to sleep with you in your bed? Are you crazy.... Make him think about all the special girls who's screaming molestation today.... and I'm sorry but a grown man sleeping with a 5 year old is very very closet o molestation, hell a grown man sleeping with any child (goes for grown woman as well) Children needs to sleep in their own rooms, mine did since the day he came home from hospital. But that might just be me.
It's time for him to step up and be a parent and get his children in their own room, this alone shows me he wants you to move in cause he has no idea how to be a parent, he wants to be the good guy, sorry Parents are not liked, they are loved and they are hated, but when the children are grown they say thank you, parents are not their children's buddies they are the parent, the authority figure..
I might be harsh lady, but I would seriously re think this relationship, yes of course I want to go on holiday together, but dang it, I'm your partner not the nanny who sleeps in a different room... oh hell NO..... and there must be a future in a relationship for me.... If my future is 15 years being the maid and nanny or simply the apartment he can have steamy sex, then it's not a future... I will be out and looking for some one else, a friend, companion, one who can parent
"Looking for someone else",
"Looking for someone else", but you know.....love involve compromise!
As I said, your comment helped me to keep my own apartment, and maybe visit them from time to time for lunch/diner.
As for the holidays, I will wait until the spoiled brats sleep alone. In the end, he's the one who needs me, not me! I will not rush this things.
(And of course, keep my eyes and "options" open hihi
There are plenty of emotional-available young guys out there)
Hon, you will have to give
Hon, you will have to give him a dead line.....
Brats needs to be in their own room within 6 months..... or it's over..
Do not put your life on hold
I know two different couples
I know two different couples that are doing exactly what you said, and it´s working. Both live in the same building, different floors with their kids, and just share meals. When the kids go away (they schedule the same days) they move together.
It seems to work for them.