Tell him this is what you're considering. He has every right and all the power to change this. I assume they have a CO in place? Make him enforce it.

If he refuses to, tell him you're leaving, and be prepared to do just that. Don't let him call your bluff. Don't let him talk you out of it. You have every right to be happy, and he has NO right to let BM or SD walk all over your life.

I hope you don't become another stepmom statistic of divorce, making the rate 100% eventually if SM's keep leaving their partners (it's like a virus, every day there's a new post about a SM leaving - wow wonder why!!! GEEZ)

I feel for you! xoxo

I can really sympathize with this. Our CO actually includes DAILY pick ups and drop offs with BM--with weekends being the only time we don't see her TWICE a day--and it is an absolutely HORRIBLE way to live.

You need to be really honest with your DH about what this is doing to you and to your family life. He is letting guilt control his decisions and that is not good for anyone . . . not even your skid.

Oh Tired, you're singing my song!! I have been married for 2 years and the Month we got married, so many things changed because BM and DH felt secure at that point that they had a Built-in Babysitter. I think when we were dating he must have known I wouldn't tolerate this so they didn't spring it on me. But DH went from having the boy 1-2 nights on his off days mostly and maybe seeing him for others reasons 1 additional time per week to a full fledged 4 nights per week he was with us PLUS on days he didn't spend the night we had to pick him up for this or take him to that or show up for the other. And when we'd get him, it was always US doing the traveling to her to get him, to drop him off, to get something she forgot to give us, etc. It was NEVER a set night or day or event so we couldn't plan anything either. Even if we did, DH would dump the plans because he'd need to get the boy OR the boy would be sitting up in our face, with us whatever we were doing.

In part it was because before she even had an agreement BM would make her plans of what she was going to do & then tell DH when he was getting him. It never was a "can you" -just a "you need to" which basically left us with no option but to get him. In other part it was because DH wouldn't say a damn thing to her about how disruptive it was. He didn't see it as disruptive but that was because his schedule was going on as planned because *I* would be the Babysitter. The couple of times he did say something, just like your case, she'd say "Well you don't have to be bothered with him anymore; he doesn't have to be in your life" which would make DH back down because he's not his BioFather and really don't have much in way of legal rights. So he feels at her mercy and if he turns her down she will bluff that. It's not going to happen and I keep making him see that it's a bluff because she is not going to get rid of her 75% babysitters.

Anyway, it didn't help that I also started working from home so for sure I was the babysitter anytime he was sick in school or there was a teacher workday or holiday break or spring break. On my first Anniversary in Sept 11, I spent 8 hours watching that brat because BM went on Vacation at same time and DH went to work & didn't bother to make or have her make other arrangements. My surprise for him was ruined-again. By March I was seriously seriously considering Divorce too. I had the name and number of a Divorce lawyer all squared away and was looking for another place. Then a small miracle happened in April-DH's job transferred him suddenly and we had to move 4 hrs away. I was so relieved!!! I thought that would fix stuff- at least her almost daily involvement in our lives. We agreed to meet in middle every other weekend after first month there. But sure enough the very 2nd weekend we were here she was calling to dump the boy. In May we had him 3 weekends in a row. School went out and we had him half of June. Half of July and half of this Month and I was primary babysitter. She has to give advance notice unlike before because of the drive involved.

In June, the situation was so bad that I finally hit the roof and told him I was not keeping the boy anymore and if he wanted to see him he needed to be off work. Since then I've been steadily backing away from involvement. School comes back in next week so he's here this week. I made DH take off. And when school is back in, I'm only agreeing to watch him one Sunday per Month so if DH wants to get him every other Weekend or whenever BM see fit, that's cool--he has to take off work. He is not--can't do that as he works every weekend so I expect to finally have some balance in my house soon. No more impromptu drives 2 hrs away and dragging home at midnight. I'm done being taken advantage of. Dh realizes that I'm serious too so he's doing all he can to keep that kid out of my hair this time. He's aware that something has changed and he either takes off work or he stands up to DH and say no sometimes. She's not going to do a damn thing about it.

If you don't agree to keep the skid then they have no choice but to make other arrangements. To compromise perhaps agree to keep her on CERTAIN days only and have them SET. If they need errands or pick ups or drop offs beyond the days you agree to, they have to work it out themselves without your involvement. What I learned is no one can take advantage of you if you don't allow it. So stop allowing it and force their hand on changing how they interact and handle visits. I bet they'll appreciate what you do when they realize how much they used you. I hope you try that first before you divorce.

Well, there’s some good news and some bad news. My DH and I have been living together for 2 years and BM would CONSTANTLY try to pawn SD off on us when it was not DH’s week (he already has her 50% of the time but I guess that’s not good enough for BM). She acted just the way you said- like we were a babysitter. I got so sick of the crap, I told DH he HAS to stand up to BM. If it’s her week & she has something to do, she needs to get HER family or friend to watch SD. NOT US. Eventually, he started telling her no and the process was slow, but now he never agrees to have SD extra days (not that he doesn’t want SD over, but he understands what BM is doing & doesn’t allow it anymore). So the good news is that it CAN be stopped. Bad news is your DH is the only one who can stop it.

My bf pays enough in child support to pay their rent and her car note AND we have him more than she does AND she is always complaining, interfering or just plain ignorant for no reason at all. Geez my bf is my best friend while they are not around. At least I see my bf making some changes...