After 8 years of full time step parenting all I can say is "please don't beat yourself up!" I felt guilty about not having those instinctive feeling for my SD's - but now I would go back in time and give myself a hug! It's a f'ing thankless task - nature probably intended it that way - that our bios smile, general loveliness give us the reward for all the hard work - whereas with the SD's I struggled - and beat myself up for not being always loving - not hugging them - when I was always hugging and telling my boys I love them - but that's what parents should do to their kids and lts face it - us SM are NOT their real parents - fact. Its a F'ing rarely rewarded labour of pure effort and dedication - if you are not abusive and are consistently meeting their physical needs then pst yourself on the back!! Well done you! What an amazing job you are doing that you even bother to search yourself - and note the "missing" piece. Some SM's just hate and abuse their sKids without self examination. If you have a BM around I hoped she plays fair (most absent BM's don't) and I hope Dad is supportive of you too.in my experience all kids want is their parents to love them and be there. Enjoy your motherhood with your real birth child and don't feel bad for loving them more!!! I'd did this and now see it was unrealistic. Recently my SD's went back to their BM! And do you know my boys seem so much happier!!!! Coz they have their mummy all to themselves too! Xx

In the animal kingdom there are some that will simply eat young that are not theirs.

He should be happy that you're not a polar bear.

Your not alone. I too had these feelings, and still do sometimes. It took counseling and a lot of patience on my part to try to see her as a child and not as BM's F'd up child. I will always have stronger and more maternal feelings for my own child, that is natural I think. In time I hope to feel more for SD9, but there is no guarantee. My SO was not open to hearing that I disliked SD, it hurt his feelings and felt cold to him. Our counselor has helpd us BOTH see the reality of our little family now. I am to be the adult friend/aunt type model to her, not be her mother. Its working.

Do your skids love you in the same manner as your dd does? You know the whole feeling in which you are the most important person in the world to this young person, the neatest thing since sliced bread? My guess is no.

I feel that I spent many years treating my ss the same as I treated my bios. Similar in age so it was fairly easy to do. However, I never got the same results that I got wtih my kiddos. Because he didnt love me as he loved his own mom. It just doesnt work the same way. Moms are not interchangeable parts in which one is just as good as another. Even if you are a better mom you still cannot replicate the mother/child bond, IMO. And while I certainly felt as if I loved him for many years and was willing to put in 100% for him, it was not quite teh same as I felt for my bio kids. Which made it all the easier to give up on him years later.

You have the same feelings as most of us. I used to bend over backwards doing nice things for sd and I still do nice things I get little or no thanks at all. It's so sad. I don't want to be her mom but being a friend would be nice and we don't even have that. I will always try but it hurts I know I guess the best thing you can do is really try not to take personal and just be the best mom you can to your own kids. I think it gets easier with time

I totally understand where you are coming from I also am really struggling with my sd of 12, I even feel like I don't want her around (and yes I know this is bad) we don't have kids together which I feel put more pressure on the situation, and it's his only child so I'm really struggling and hate this feeling, crying as I'm writing, I hope u manage to sort things out as you have a bio baby together this should help I think xx