SD8's concert
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Apparently SD8 had a concert last night. DH didn't know about it. BM didn't go. When DH called SD last night, she was upset that none of her parents came. DH asked BM about it who said, "I had to work so I couldn't go and figured you wouldn't want to either".
It's frustrating. DH has spoken to the teachers countless times about communicating directly with him (because BM passes along ZERO information). At this point, school is out in a couple of weeks so there's not much to do now. And to think we'll be starting all over again with the same crap next year .. 
That is frustrating, but it
That is frustrating, but it is also frustrating for the schools when so many kids are from divorced families and all the different dynamics. Not sure if this would work for you, but it has worked for me. Ex never gave me information and we have 50/50 with him getting the first half of the week. So, I gave the teacher a folder and asked that she just put an extra copy of notices in it on Mon/Tues/Weds and pop it in BS7's book bag on Thurs (as I pick him up from dad's on Weds). This has worked well and avoids any confrontation with the ex. Our school also sends out an email on Fridays and includes "what was sent home this week", so I can check I am not missing anything - this just goes out to everyone on the email list. Hope this helps!
DH has asked the teachers to
DH has asked the teachers to send additional copies. BM removes them from the bags.
DH has provided self-addressed, stamped envelopes to the teachers so they can mail him copies directly. He's received one mailing from SD6's teacher all year.
He's on every general mailing/distribution list the school has, but not everything comes through there.
I just can't imagine what else he could do, other than harassing the teachers on a weekly basis for updates (which I'm sure they don't have time for and don't appreciate).
You may end up needing to
You may end up needing to take BM to court then. Your DH has EVERY right to know what's going on with his child. Furthermore, maybe you should have a conversation with the principle and threaten to take them to court if the teachers don't start complying with your wishes.
This is just pure laziness on the part of the teachers, and an attempt by BM to make your DH look like the bad guy.
Wow, I was going to say DH
Wow, I was going to say DH asked SD's teacher to send home 2 copies of everything (we have SD all week & BM takes her on weekends & is not at all involved in her school but still wants the papers.. oook) but that hasn't worked for you.
I am wondering if BM purposely removing DH's copies of the papers from the bag is some kind of CO violation. I know my DH's CO mentions something about not preventing access to school information.
She denies it every time.
She denies it every time. When DH asks about it, she says that she is not his messenger and if he needs info to ask the teachers to provide it directly to him (which has clearly not worked).
I'm sure it's some sort of violation, but a judge won't do much more than tell her it's a no-no. Assuming we ever actually went to court.
It sucks the teachers are
It sucks the teachers are making it difficult for you. We went through something similar. SD started kindergarten this year & we have her during the week & BM felt like DH should be communicating everything to her. DH basically said it's not his job to give her this info & she needs to contact the school. Eventually, DH talked to SD's teacher & she agreed to send home 2 copies of everything so that put an end to that problem. It really should be a simple fix. It sounds like BM is making it hard for you on purpose by taking the papers out of the bag. I hate those spiteful BMs.
Check the school's website
Check the school's website daily for calendar information, so this doesn't happen again. Email the teacher's once a week and ask about upcoming events. With the end of the school year coming, I'm sure there are plenty of events you or your husband could attend.
(As a former elementary teacher, I know there is probably an awards day, field trips or field day events. All of those things are open for any parent or guardian to attend and help with!)
If BM won't share info, and DH isn't getting info he needs from the teachers, it's time to communicate with the principal that this information must be shared...
And SD probably felt pretty unloved, even though it doesn't sound like it was DH's fault. Take her for some ice cream! ASk her to performa a private concert at home. Get on Facebook and see which parents posted pictures and video clips of the event. Ask the music teacher if she had a recording made
He usually does check the
He usually does check the calendar and went back to check it again and it wasn't on there. The school doesn't do a great job keeping it updated; it's primarily just holidays and early closing information. No real "event" info.
SD8 had one field trip a couple weeks ago but they only had room for 4 chaperons. By the time DH found out about it, there were no spots left.
I guess he could do more. He could try harder; he could speak to the principal (probably too late for any real change this year). But it exhausts him and he never really gets anywhere. It doesn't help that the skids go to school 45 minutes away in BM's district.
He did that this year, for
He did that this year, for both teachers (based on a recommendation we got from Steptalk). He received one envelope from SD6's teacher around Christmas break time, and that was it. Each teacher was provided 10 self-addressed and pre-stamped envelopes.
We did that with the consideration that the school may not provide those supplies, and that they were busy enough as it was. We figured making it as easy as possible would help. It didn't.
The envelopes might work if
The envelopes might work if the teacher is motivated. I'd try a weekly phone call to the principal or whoever seems to be in the know.
Can he email their teachers
Can he email their teachers say, each Friday and ask what's upcoming for the next week?
I know our school district does weekly emails (separate for the elementary, middle and high schools) and it is SUPER helpful even though my kids are teens now and are fairly good about communicating what's going on.
That's another thing...in another 2-3 years he should be able to rely pretty well on SD to know the big stuff...
my SD is 13 and we always get
my SD is 13 and we always get "i dont know" as an answer to any of the following:
What time is your game?
Where is your game?
Who are you playing today?
When is your dance recital?
What week do you have drama camp?
to just name a few...
Yikes. Now that you mention
:O Yikes. Now that you mention it...Skids13 don't know much about anything. What teenaged kid doesn't know when Christmas/Spring/Summer break is?!? Aren't you counting down the days?!?!?!?
Maybe my bio-kids are just super organized??! LOL!!!
no, you simply raised them
no, you simply raised them properly.
He goes to every concert. He
He goes to every concert. He calls and emails the teachers regularly (not weekly, but regularly). He picks skids up from school every Friday and usually chats with the teachers for a minute then.
He ASKS for the information and either gets a "oh yeah I'll send you the info" or no reply at all.
Like I've said, short of harassing the teachers every single week for info, I don't know what else he CAN do. I guess next year he'll do that ..
Idk .. just seems shitty that SD was one of the only kids with no parents at the concert.
that's terrible. and of
that's terrible.
and of course im sure that BM told the kid that dad is a liar and that she told him abotu the concert and that he just didnt want to go. at least that's what my BM would do!
our BM is nearly is bad - she tell us abotu stuff but in the 11th hour. its annoying. SD13 is no better, she's old enough to know where she's supposed to be and when and what her activities are but refuses to tell us anything and plays dumb.
BM plays dumb. And DH always
BM plays dumb. And DH always finds out about things after the fact. She tries hard to exclude him from everything.
So, BM knew that neither of
So, BM knew that neither of SD8's parents were going to be at her concert because she had to work and she did not tell your DH about it at all. What a bitch.
I am not saying it was SD8's and only SD8's responsibility, but why did she not tell her dad she had a concert?
Honestly, she probably didn't
Honestly, she probably didn't know or remember. She's kind of an airhead. Gets on the bus when she knows DH is picking her up (he picks her up every Friday and there have been several times she will get on the bus anyway because she forgets and DH has to go retrieve her from BM's house).
She just assumes her parents communicate (why shouldn't they, afterall?).
Sounds like my SD, even at 22
Sounds like my SD, even at 22 she's an airhead.
Ummmm, how about YOU guys
Ummmm, how about YOU guys taking the initiative to figure out sd8's activities? Why is it BM's responsibility? Do you have the phone number for the school? Is there a website? Don't the teachers have email addresses? WTF.
We have custody of ss12 and BM expects US to tell HER about ss12's activities/concerts/games/events/homework, etc. Take responsibility for your own kid.