Sd16 wants dh to choose me or her PART TWO
Hi all not sure who read my recent post about sd16 giving my husband altimatums on keeping a relationship with her or getting rid of me. If you read my last post theres so much more detail on the anger and horrible behavior.
But NOW out of no where bm wants to talk...im stunned idk what to say. Of course in a perfect world I'd love things to go back to how they were 4 years ago where we all got along and things were great. I hate the anger and fighting but I also enjoy the peace of not worrying as well.
I haven't responded yet but not even sure where to start or what to say. I mean so much has happened and I truly believe its bm who put negative thoughts in their heads to make them so angry and disrespectful.
Do I even respond? Should I try to restart things? I dont even know.
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Don't trust BM as far as you
Don't trust BM as far as you can throw her. Disengage from the whole lot, including BM. You have no need to communicate with her. Focus on your marriage and your kids and don't let her or SD rope you into drama.
I agree 100%. The mistake was
I agree 100%. The mistake was getting close to BM to begin with. Let DH handle this, it's his problem, not yours. This BM is trouble and not to be trusted.
Don't have anything to do
Don't have anything to do with BM, it's just an excuse for more damned drama.
But NOW out of no where bm
But NOW out of no where bm wants to talk
BM can talk to your DH, about their daughter and her attitude, but there is no need to talk to you. Don't even go down that road, it leads to nowhere, fast. You already know that BM is a big part of the problem, to begin with.
Yes agree. Unfortunately they
Yes agree. Unfortunately they clash and haven't spoke or gotten along in years. Its always been her and I who mostly "coparented". As weird as that sounds.
It doesn't sound weird, it
It doesn't sound weird, it happens, but it really is THEIR problem, not yours. Don't continue to enable them, and put yourself in the middle, by being their communicator.
Well, time for him to put on
Well, time for him to put on his big boy pants and communicate with his ex. Or don't, since the kids refuse to see you anyway, what is there to discuss?
BM is probably getting tired
Maybe BM is getting tired of having the monster she helped create full time and wants a break?
No. No. No. Nothing, and I
No. No. No. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, good will come from that. Do not trust, do not engage, do not hope, do not try.
Don't talk to her - it simply
Don't talk to her - it simply is not your ex-spouse to manage.
Do you have any concern that your husband will listen to this nonsense or even not completely shut it down? I think there have been a couple times on this site that, even after a couple is married several years, the parent actually follows through with this ridiculousness - or doesn't shut it down.
Will your husband take a firm stance and shut this ridiculous bs request down?
Don't Do It!
This is a tipping point. If you re-engage with BM, you'll be going backwards, slipping into the old dynamic and once again putting things out of balance.
Adopt the stance you've come to see that you being in the middle of their parenting is not good for the skids or you. Then step back. Leave that void alone, and let the parents fill it.
Don't.
Don't.
BM is fueling it as you know. She's not on your (DH) side!
DH makes this mistake, and has made this mistake, and it's never a different outcome than blaming him, what he needs to do to change, and justification for OSDs behavior. And nothing is ever resolved.
Pretty sure it was Einstein
Pretty sure it was Einstein who said to do the same thing over and over but expect different results was insanity....
Letting a toxic person back in your life will most likely poison your life all over again. There would need to be dramatic changes on her end and in the girls behavior before entertaining the notion that things might be different...
As for your last blog and the "blood" comments, sometimes our family by blood sucks. It's your family by heart that really matters, if they are also family by blood fantastic if not oh well. Shared dna does not automatically mean you have a loving positive unbreakable bond. I wish more people acknowledged that. Those girls are missing out on a good family life because of prideful twisted thinking, it's just sad.
I was in This same situation.
I was in This same situation. DH chose me. Do not contact Bm. This is your only chance to cut the cord, make new boundaries and get yourself a "fresh slate" to go a new way. BM gets a boundary, DH gets a boundary, skids get boundary, hell , everyone gets a new boundary! !
Set your life up how YOU want it.
I am the opposite of most I
I am the opposite of most I guess. If BM out of no where wanted to talk, I would agree to talk on the phone.
The phone gives you options that you don't get in person. Like when SS snuck out and I called to tell her and she said "I don't know why he would do this!" and I responded "because you have taught him that laws and rules don't apply to you, you lie and cheat and manipulate and now are surprised that you kid sneaks out and gets picked up by cops?? Seriously??" then hung up. I ended it.
It felt good, I don't really care about the rest.
I would hear what she wanted to say and then I would decide how to respond. You can always just say "you're full of shit" and hang up. You wouldn't have to listen past a point where you want to. But knowing what she has to say can't really hurt- as long as you don't care about what she says. I see it more as information gathering.