SD and BM are the same person
DH and I have been married for 9 years and together for 11. SD is 12. She has lived with us for 2 years. We have had custody for 7 months. I truley believe that SD and BM are the same person. BM is a needy, deceitful liar and so is SD. Both of their lives are so bad that HUGE lies have to be made up for them to exsist. BM is either a compulsive liar or a narsasist and SD is following her foot steps. BM even lies to her own child and the child believes her. BM promisies so much to her daughter and never follows through. But SD keeps on believing. I don't get it. How can you keep fooling yourself? Now SD is lying at school about our family. Our name is dirt and we haven't done anything wrong. SD will lie to anyone just to get attention.Sd has to be the center of everything. SD has no respect for me and I am the one who bends over backwards for her. It has gotten so bad that we have limited her calls to her BM. We can't even have company over or go visit people with her around. DH is seriously thinking about sending her back to BM. If BM would just go away or stop being such a hateful, jealous woman life would be better.
Patience and forgiveness...
Everytime my SD11 is so frickin' dramatic about something so minuscule that I want to slap her...I have to remind myself that she comes by it honestly.
My advice. Counseling with someone who specailizes in this sort of thing. She's lying obviously for reasons that were engrained in her. She's learned by a horrible example is all. You have to forgive her and realize that she is just a product of her environment. Teach her to not be like her mom and how ugly a person is who lies. Tell her that you love her so much that she doesn't need to lie to make herself look better...she's fine just the way she is.
I hate liars and I tell my children how much I hate liars. They know lying to me is the worst thing you could possibly do to me, so it's very rare they lie to me. I stopped any kind of fibbing in it's track once it ever started (with my kids and skids).
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
I know how you feel
I know how you feel. My SD (11yo) is almost a "mini me" version of her mother. It's sickening at times. She is so much like her, and that is not a good thing at all! BM is horrible, a liar, manipulative, and can't live or work an honest day of her life. She always is complaining or fighting with people, she's trashy, dresses very inappropriately, etc. My SD loves her mother to death and she can do no wrong. God knows why. But if anything, I understand what you are saying and how much it drives you crazy. Sometimes, I wish my SD away, but try to be calm and accept that my SD only learns it from her mother. I do my best to set a better example, but most of the time, I just end up fighting a losing battle. Thank goodness there are others who offer support and who can share this very unpleasant and often life-ruining experience.
My best to you. Take care.