Hi Folks and Happy Monday!

Well, this is a new one... curious what you all think. Some of you guys know my background. I am a SM42 to SS21. I have been with my DH for 8 years and married for 5. My husband is a wonderful, caring, though sometimes not ideally responsible man. We have had VERY trying times around the financial support of my SS21. We have fallen occasionally on some trying financial times and the only contention in our marriage has been the appropriation of funds between the household, retirement savings, and "gifts" (including 3 years of college tuition) for his son.

I see absolutely no harm in helping SS21 "launch" however my husband never saved for it (and I mean more than $100 over the course of SS21's life). Very recently I took over the finances, am handling the bills are we getting much closer to where we need to be for security and retirement. SS21 started his first full time summer job this morning in a field that he's interested in making great money. If he likes it and does a good job he very well could carry it over into his last year and college and potentially beyond. I landed him the interview to assist in his "launch" but he secured the job on his own.

On Thursday my husband I had a heated (but mostly civil) discussion about a plan to discontinue paying off the kid's credit card and cell phone. Frankly, I expected my husband do dig his heels in yet again and suggest we continue paying. I was getting increasingly angry and was afraid that I was going to say something I shouldn't so I checked myself into the spa overnight. I let my husband know that I wouldn't be home. Because I wanted *someone* to know where I was and didn't care to air our fight to anyone so I told my Dad (with whom I have been close and generally has been a good sounding board on this and many other life topics). I wasn't dramatic but called him to know my husband and I had had words and I was "taking a break" for the night but wanted him to know I was safe (we usually talk at least a few times a week).

For background just on the last few days... it's been a rough one. I lost my 12yo cat (just walked in and found him dead which was horrifying), took him with my husband to the vet to be cremated and spent a few very hurtful days mourning his death.

To my delight when I calmed down and spoke with my husband on Friday he had spoken to his son about the money "plan", they agreed he'll be self-sustaining at the end of June. I was thrilled!

I called my Dad to let him know that I was home safely and it went to voicemail (no big deal... I left a message). Saturday afternoon my husband and I went to pick out a darling new kitten which was exciting and is really helping get over the loss of the other one. I hadn't been taking it very well.

As with most major (and minor) life decisions I called Dad a couple more times over the weekend to share the news of the kitten (I was excited!) I didn't hear back from him for over almost 2 days so I finally texted my SS because I was truly concerned that something tragic had happened to my Dad or Step Mother. My SS (with whom I was once very close but not lately (and not for any real reason except geography and very different life choices)) texted back she had talked to her Mom Sunday morning. I responded with "cool, at least I know they are okay".

Seemingly out of the blue last night I got a very disturbing email from my Dad (he's not an email person at all). In a nutshell it basically read:

1) You know I don't like your husband.
2) You've been having problems for years (we have but not really much more than most couples and a lot less lately with the resolution of the finance issue with the kid).
3) Your husband is using you as a meal ticket to pay for his lifestyle and his kid's education.
4) You keep wanting him to save for retirement because you won't admit to yourself you ARE his retirement.
and finally 5) I don't want to talk to you anymore.

I READ THIS IN ABSOLUTE SHOCK... especially because it had already been a rough week and Dad knew that.

I admit to probably sharing TMI with my Dad but as (formerly) one of my best friends it didn't seem like a big deal. I haven't asked him to support me outside of listening, or step in to talk to my husband (when we have arguments or when we're just fine).

I do make quite a bit more money than my husband but I knew that going in to the marriage and he does a lot of things for me that aren't money related that make my life easier including cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, all the driving, and some "date nights" and trips. Now that the financial situation is well on the path to resolution I was starting to feel we had overcome the only truly dissatisfying part of our marriage. I thought that my Dad would be happy for me but clearly this is not the case.

If he doesn't want to hear about my marriage (good, bad or indifferent) I feel like there were a lot more "polite" ways to go about it. And, discussion of our marriages (mine AND his... he screwed around on my Mom with her best friend and now they are married but whether he's in good times or bad with my SM I have always treated her with kindness and respect... he has threatened to leave her a number of times as well and I have always been supported and/or just kept my mouth shut).

This feels like an ultimatum to me and I am very strongly leaning towards ceasing all communication with him altogether. What is most hurtful I feel like his message was "your husband is only with you because he's using you for money" which I have admittedly felt on occasion but much less frequently/as strongly because we have worked through our issues... I know I can't count on never having disagreements (financial or otherwise) for the rest of our lives but this communication just feels MEAN and meant to hurt me on purpose.

Thoughts from my always trusty and responsive support group, please?