You can set an amount you’d pay. I haven’t done it but my best friend just did this with his kids. He offered a certain amount toward it and mom took them to shop and do nails because, girl stuff. He went to where they did pics. Keep in mind he has awesome kids he’s crazy about so perhaps different situation. I think he spent like $150/$200. 

Pictures can be done at your house AFTER they take pics at BM's house. Just ask the kids to stop by>>>>????

Next...Prom gowns were purchased at 2nd hand store where every girl in town trades name brand clothing for cash. I paid for them. They were not expensive at all.   I did not ask my xdh for money. We had 50 50 and do not exchange child support.

Now my dh's kids...we never knew when prom was because, well that is what they wanted. Never saw a pic...zip. Not one sent in the mail...zero nunya.

 Graduation same thing again..we, DH,, was not invited, no invitation in the mail no notice OF graduation... so dh gave them what they wanted. Of course he is the jerk, crappy dbag father who doesn't care. No problem still using that child support card...that is different..

If dh wants to--purchase a certificate to pay for her hair OR pay for a pedi or give daughter 50 to 100 bucks towards her gown. Give it directly to sd in front of BM.... IF you can afford it. SD is almost an adult now...not need to give money to BM when it is directly for daughter. NOTHING wrong with that either. It is a gift for her, not for bm.

Graduation gift: Pretty,,dainty watch. Yeah I know kids use their phones but a watch is classy.  OR open an IRA---serious..OR CD (CD  interest very low but still better than tossing a 17, 18 year old money)...put it  in dh and sd name? She may think the IRA is stupid...but HEY it really is not. It is practical.

I have seen ladies here suggest diamond earings...??

For me the worst part of Prom and Graduaton is not the event itself it is the after events that kept me awake all night long.

Dad contributes what Dad can and wants to contribute.

One gift my Dad gave me for birthday/graduation (month apart) that I am glad he gave me was luggage. Seemed odd at the time, but luggage is expensive and it has been useful the last decade that I've owned it. 

Other gift ideas for the college-bound are gift certificates to Wal-Mart, Jiffy Lube, gas stations, Target. Places where a student can get things they need for college dorm or for car maintenance. A good set of twin XL sheets and comforter. Mini-fridge and microwave. Small television. Laptop, if you want to go pricey. I tend to give new grads a "dorm room essentials" basket with Clorox wipes, Swiffer mop, laundry detergent and softener, dish towels/soap/sponge - basically, all the non-customizable stuff that college kids need that they don't think about needing until they don't have it.

Non-college bound will depend on need. If a kid is going into the military, it may be nicer to pay for them to go to an amusement park with their friends for a day since they can't take anything with them. A kid getting their own apartment may need household essentials (see above suggestions). A kid at home with no ambitions for the future who barelt skated by? A dinner out with dear ol' Dad seems appropriate.

Prom - nothing.  Anyone old enough to go to a prom is old enough to have a job and pay for their own stuff.  Hair, makeup and nails are not "needs".  A $500 dress is also not a need. 

When I lived in New Orleans I got invited to exclusive Mardi Gras balls that were way more formal than any prom.  I wore dresses that cost from $20 to $125.  I did my own hair and makeup.  And all of that was perfectly acceptable even in that very demanding and socially restrictive environment.  And I've been at the Queen's table - not just a guest.

Graduation - what he is comfortable with and can afford.  Nothing more.  No one should ever go in debt to spend money that they do not have.   I grew up in the days before credit cards so it was hard to spend money that you didn't have and my family had NO money.  But that was not a bad lesson.

Lots of the kids do 'location' photos now. My one grandson did his and the friends and their dates at the State Park. The other grandson plans on photos at the City Plaza. Any of the kid's parents can show up and snap away. Besides being in scenic areas, it also relieves tension/stress between any parents that don't necessarily get along. 

Dad always paid for dresses in my house (paid for SS and my son and our son tux stuff too). We had my niece (licensed beautician) come to the house and do make-up ad hair for our last youngest daughter. For the male kids, DH always made sure they ha extra cash for dinner too

Last year prom dresses were $500 and then there was the spray tan, nails, hair extensions, jewelry and shoes . He was asked to pay $1000 and I think he said that was way way over the top. Bm out it all on a credit card and I think he just gave her $250. She isn't going this year nor senior trip cause she is a pariah at school for sleeping with her best friend's fella. But he is giving her $800 in May . $500 for graduation and $300 for her birthday although it's up in the air if she is even graduating. They asked me to kick in $200 to round it over to a thousand and I said no. She is getting I think her eighth set of senior photos taken and BM said she blew $500 at the mall on new clothes for the photo shoot and Sd was starting a new waitressing job and needs $150 for uniforms from her dad and the uniform was just black shirt and white shirts. He said he gave it to her and didn't have the money to give me for his half of our Dd's daycare bill. I was disgusted cause needs before wants. She never even wears pants in her photo shoots so why $500? I think she surely had white shirts and black pants too. So do guilty Disney daddies pay too much for graduation and prom ? I think so. And no he didn't get any prOm pics nor was he invited. He is just an atm

My parents had zero involvement in prom/ I bought a $40 dress from the clearance rack at Bullock’s (remember them?) with money from my parttime fast food job. My parents came to my graduation and gave me $500 as a gift and that went towards college tuition. This whole spending thousands on prom is such a waste and promotes unnecessary consumerism. No teen needs a $500 dress.

I borrowed a dress for Prom. Lent one I got on sale for $50 to my friend and she lent me hers she bought similarly. No need to spend too much over the top.

I don't get why people spend $$$$$$$ on a dance like this. yes you're making memeories, but there are so many more important things than going over-budget on this!!!

I did my own makeup and my big sister helped with the hair. All completley free of charge. So I spent money on the boutineer and that was basically it.