Punctuality and Pre-Planning?
I have several pet peeves but I think being punctual and doing some pre-planning are two of the highest ranking ones for me. My DH's XW#2 is exactly opposite. There have been several instances where DH and XW will decide on a time to drop off SS8 for weekend visitation and she is ALWAYS late. This happened just this past weekend. They agreed to a 6PM drop off time, and at 6PM, she's calling to say she's got about another 15-20 minutes to go. Thankfully we didn't have any major plans but the point still remains that this woman cannot be on time to save herself. AND THEN - DH told her we would drop off SS by 4PM yesterday - she's calling at 1PM to see if we're on our way. She lives 30 minutes away and we're at my parent's enjoying the holiday. She calls again at 2PM and then again at 3PM. He told her we would meet her at 4 to drop SS off but she wanted to meet at a different place - okay - come to find out she left her other children at the sporting event she was at so she could come get SS and then go back.
This is so aggravating to me. If she would've just told DH where she was and what her plans were, we could've either 1) dropped SS off at new location; 2) dropped SS off last at original lcoation; or 3) she could've come picked him up. My point is that this woman crams every activity into every living minute and then expects everyone else to be patient with her. WHY? Why should I be punished for her inability to plan activities. There are things I want to do in certain timeframes that are now completely shot because we have to wait on her to decide where she wants to meet us?
This doesn't just occur with us. This is her life. Her kids, particularly SS, just automatically assume they're going to be late - it's actually shocking to SS when DH and I get him to an activity 10 minutes early. I feel bad for SS because he is embarrassed about walking into activities late because BM sucks at planning and it is so easily preventable.
Sorry for venting, but does anyone else encounter this? :O
UGH....I could have written
UGH....I could have written that post. I am always early. Always. I am obssessed with staying organized and on schedule. My kids tease me all the time because we are early to everything.
My husband's ex-wife is the polar opposite. She'll be late to her funeral. She is spontaneous, fun, care-free. I'm sure she is a lot more fun to be around than am I. But she is always late.
Unfortunately, my ex-husband is the same way. We get it from both sides.
LOL...I guess I'm borderline
LOL...I guess I'm borderline anal retentive about being on-time but that old mantra of "If you're on-time, you're late" runs through my mind. She drives me up a wall about constantly being late. And Arrow - 5 minutes isn't too bad -- i'm talking 15-20 minutes EVERY STINKING TIME!! We seriously have started adding 15 minutes to her time just because we know she can't be on time. I guess it just falls in line with being a responsible adult and being prepared and planning as far ahead as you can...it is just so aggravating!! }:)
Glad to know I'm not the only one who likes to be on-time though.
Thanks mom2five 
Oh yes. My thoughts are that
Oh yes. My thoughts are that if there is a scheduled event including kid xfer then be on time. If the day is unstructured then go with the flow.
In the situation you describe I would let BM know that she is expected to be on time for xfer of the kid. If she is late meeting for your DH to take the kid he should give her a bill for his time. If she is late to pick the kid up ...... DH should leave and take the kid home to your house. If BM wants the kid back she can come get him .... if you happen to be home when she tries to pick the kid up.
Grrrrr! I agree that this situation is enough to piss off the Pontif.
If an event is scheduled I will wait for a limited amount of time then I leave and let the one who is late suffer the consequences of their actions.
That said, I am notoriously unstructured in my personal life. Professionally I am hyper organized. But, as I said, if a time is schedule for pick up or drop off then everyone should be on time or call ahead with an explaination for being late and when they will arrive. If I don't like the reason .... I leave and tough shit to the one who is late.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
LOL...I'm right there with
LOL...I'm right there with you Rags! I've actually made that suggestion to DH before about leaving after a certain amount of time. I think yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak, so next time will be a little different.
I think this woman is so inconsiderate. A lot of it is that she is just so disorganized and unwilling to recognize that just because she doesn't have a problem with being late doesn't mean everyone else sees things the same way.
DH called her out on this behavior before when we lived in Ohio and were meeting halfway. The one time she was 40 minutes late picking up SS. He was upset, DH was upset, I was beyond pissed and gave her the evil eye (or stink eye or hairy eyeball depending on where you're from), which she had the nerve to complain to DH about later. Stupid biotch!
We are generally pretty laid back in our plans, but when it comes to dropping the kids off, I guess my expectations are a little too high. Oh well...pick your battles, right?
Pick your battles??? Ha! I
Pick your battles??? Ha! I pick them all! }:) I have come to enjoy baring the idiot asses of the SpermClan as noticibly and often as they give the opportunity.
The sad part is that the kids know that their parent is a dipshit.
My SS actually commented on how big an idiot his Biodad is during our summer vacation. He was participating in a conversation about one of his cousins who is getting married due to an unscheduled pregnancy and who is desperate for the approval of her moron father. Her father told her in front of both families (her's and her fiance's) that he "had struggled his whole life to get away from trailer trash and now his daugther is marrying in to them".
My SS commented "I understand her problems. My dad is an idiot but he is still my dad".
It is sad for the kids when they have a parent or parents who are dipshits. We are diligent though not always successful in not calling the SpermClan out on their idiocy within hearing of our son. I have no desire or intention of hurting our son (My SS) when addressing the dipshit SpermIdiot and SpermClan when they drop their drawers in public.
But it can be sooooo much fun for those of us married to spouses whose Xs are morons. }:)
I hold up the idiot mirror in front of them every chance they give me. They give me a lot of chances.
Best regards,
LOL...I definitely jump at
LOL...I definitely jump at every opportunity to prove Super Mom wrong. The look on her face is classic because she knows that she is dead wrong. What is sad is my SS is 8 and he KNOWS he will be late when he's with his mom, no matter what the activity is. I won't ever speak negatively about her in front of him, but I've told him on several occassions that he did not need to worry about being late to anything we're taking him to.
I'm glad i'm not the only one that gets irked with this type of behavior. I've noticed since coming to this site that i've become a lot more outspoken with my DH about my thoughts and feelings on things. I think I ranted for 20 minutes yesterday afternoon on the way home just about that topic. Fortunately he supports me and i know he will not tolerate it next time. If he does let it go, he'll definitely be hearing about it.
Thanks for your support Rags.
Totally understand...I am one
Totally understand...I am one of the "if you are on time you are late" group...
BF Ex - late to EVERYTHING!! Funny - he just called to tell me that they were on the way to the kids' open house tonight...they left her house 6 minutes before it started...He even offered to dress the kids and take them to McDonald's for dinner and meet her there... Nope. She says that she had 'stuff' to do before they left and he had plenty of time to get them there on time. So not only did she purposely make herself late, but made BF and kids late.
Last weekend BF had to catch a flight after she p/u the kids...she was 20 minutes late...he had to run to catch the plane.
This is a CONSTANT. I can not remember one time that she was actually on time...and this is someone who doesn't work, doesn't go to school, she doesn't participate in any kind of clubs/groups/etc., she stays at home with kids 24/7 - SERIOUSLY! How can you never be on time!?!
At least I'm not the only
At least I'm not the only one.
I get so aggravated with this woman - she has 4 kids total - 2 teenagers, SS8, and then a 4 year old. I understand she is busy, BUT, she doesn't do anything to help herself either. She signs the 3 older kids up for things, which I think kids should be involved in extra-curricular activities, but they are at different places at the same time. She can't possibly be at every place to pick each one of them up, or drop them off at the same time. I don't understand why this concept is so difficult to understand. And she is one of those "I can do it myself and I don't need your help" types, which I am too, but I know when to throw in the towel or at the very least, make different arrangements. We have offered to assist with taking SS to activities, but she has never taken us up on it so it's completely on her.
I honestly don't think she TRIES to be late but I think she just tries so hard to cram everything into one timeframe and just does not account for her actions or the perception she's giving.
I'm definitely on board with Rags though - there will not be a next time with sitting around and waiting. Either you're there or we're gone.