The Prodigal Son
So many of our SKs remind me of him. They blow their money. Others act out. Many are rude. Many do lots of stupid things.
The Prodigal Son got welcomed back with open arms by his father. I think many (not all) fathers on this site would do the same as they love their kids unconditionally. No matter how badly they screwed up. I think many of us (not all) would welcome our kids back the same way that father did, no matter how badly they screwed up.
So where does that, in your opinion, leave us SPs?
For me, it meant supporting my DH in his rebuilding his relationships with his kids. It meant treating my SDs with basic civility and respect. It meant making myself absent when DH and each SD wanted to do stuff together. It doesn't mean I got over my bad feelings for them overnight (most of which weren't their fault). It doesn't mean I became their buddy. It means I treated them with respect, stayed out of their issues/relationships with their Dad, and I slowly built a new relationship with each SD. I still do all of this. It works for us.
The way I look at this
The way I look at this situation is:
1. The prodigal son is a grown adult, not a child still learning.
2. The prodigal son repented. (as in he came back in humility knowing he did wrong and begged on his hands and knees to his father for forgiveness)
3. The father acknowledged (to the other son that was mad or in our case the stepmom) that the son had messed up and threw everything away that was the son's inheritance BUT EVERYTHING that is left would NOT be further split and the prodigal son would NOT be getting any more from the father. Whatever inheritance was left would go to the son who stayed behind and didn't blow it.
I think in OUR case as step parents:
1. we see a lot of the BIO parent CONTINUALLY giving to the skids
2. We never see the skids admit they did something wrong
3. They NEVER ask their bio parent for forgiveness
4. They expect or even DEMAND more after screwing up
5. The other kids left at home, maybe the mutual child of the BIOparent and step parent, or the bio children of the step parent, we see suffer because the BIO parent does not know when to quit.
I think this story relates more to the BIO parent involved,.... not to the STEPparent involved,...
I'm sure if a grown stepchild came back to a STEPparent in humility and begged on their hands and knees and appologized for how they were when they were younger. And admitted to EVERY SINGLE THING they did wrong or hurtful....And changed from that day forth. And never asked for another thing or money or whatever.... it would be much easier for us as stepparents to forgive.
That is the attitude to have.
That is the attitude to have. Even though I don't share Dh's feelings for skid I always treat him with respect.