Pick-up/Drop-off Boundaries
Wondering what other's boundaries are when it comes to the exchange of skids? Are your SO's responsible for pick ups and drop offs? Are they done on neutral territory or your or ex's house? Since bf and I have been together, not once has bm dropped off or picked up their dd4. Bf or his parents always do the transporting. Today bf informs me that bm is coming to pick up dd4 from our house. I don't care that she is picking up dd4 as I think it's ridiculous that she doesn't do this more often, but I let bf know that I do not want her in our house. He looks at me as if I'm joking and I reiterate that I don't want her coming in. He responds with "well I'm not going to give her the tour or anything". Mmm, not the point. I had to leave for work, so I wasn't there when the exchange occurred, but it irked me that bf was so blasé about the situation.
My husband did every drop off
My husband did every drop off and pick up, BM never did one. For years, he took someone with him to help neutralize the situation and basically provide a witness. BM was nuts and so were the men she hooked up with. It got better when SD (now 23) was old enough to come to and from the car by herself.
There is no way in hell I would ever allow BM in my front door. Not one toe. Had she been a normal person, I might have felt different.
My partner had been the FT CP
My partner had been the FT CP of SD4 from birth till SD was 2, when we very first started seeing each other BM became obsessed about the idea of someone else being involved and took him back to court. She won custody based on lost time (she left when SD was tiny) and because of my partners then working hours. He doesnt have family nearby to help, she does.
From the time custody switched, SD was 2, exchanges took place in public places, 5 minutes away. BM lives nearby but has never been here since and my partner has never been to BMs.
Most of the time exchanges happen with school so its rare for BM and my partner to have to exchange, they both like it that way.
Most exchanges for us happen
Most exchanges for us happen at school (one parent drops off in the morning, other picks up in the evening) but every Thursday night, SD goes with the other parent for dinner and then that parent drops off the kid to whoever has her for the week. BM doesn't have a car so SO used to drop her every time, but it was cutting into our time together and annoying to spend money on gas like that, so a couple months ago he told her that on her Thursday nights, she is to drop the kid at out place, and when he has her on Thursdays, he will bring her to BM's place. Neither of them ever walks through the door.
I totally get where you're coming from, and tell your SO he doesn't have to like or even understand it, but he must respect it. Heck, SO doesn't even open the front door for SD so BM can look into our house--he uses the garage door. You have every right to make this stance and ask him how either he or BM are really so put out by this arrangement. Ask him if it's really worth it for BM to come into your house if it means he is picking a fight with YOU each time he does it.