OT- was I out of line, or was he?
DH called his mom yesterday (lives a plane ride away) and foind out that a week ago she fell and got a bump on her head. Went to the ER that day and everything is ok, just has a bump on her head.
DH tells me last night that he's going to fly up there next Monday night and come back home on Wed (tues and Wed are his days off work). So I ask him if he can put it off for a week, because next Tuesday is ss's tenth birthday. He looks at me pissed, and goes did you not just year me when I said my mother fell?
Long story short, I feel that since this happened a week ago, she's fine, and did.t even think to tell him about it when it happened.... That he shouldn't be missing his sons birthday. Even going when he wants, its two weeks after she fell.... I don't really see the difference between going two weeks after or three.
We just dropped the argument without any real resolution, so I know its going to come back up ay some point, as to if and when he's going. Should I just shut my mouth and let him miss his kids birthday, or should he wait on his trip till the next week?
Background: Biomom has been completely MIA for the past 5 years. So he would literally have no parent here for him on his birthday, just me. BM doesn't even call him or send anything.
Honestly, it sounds as though
Honestly, it sounds as though you care more about SS's birthday than his dad. If dad wants to skip out, just wait until the weekend to celebrate or celebrate it early. It is not your responsibility to consider SS's feelings, it's dad's responsibility. That's not to say that I think you are a great person for putting the child's feelings into perspective of course.
Tell him if he wants to go to
Tell him if he wants to go to his mother's, go. And he can plan something for SS's birthday when he gets back, since he's being a dick about it.
I just feel bad, ss is always
I just feel bad, ss is always the one getting the short end of the stick. Dh probably wouldn't have given completely skipping ss birthday a second thought I'd I hadn't mentioned it. And ss will feel even worse about it and himself come April when I do something for bs,.and then EVEN worse come May when Dh make a huge deal out of sd's birthday (dont know if you saw my other post about how Dh wanted me to deliver bs2 early so that May could be her bday MONTH).
It was like to him it was a nonissue that it was stupid for me to even bring up. If his mom was actually hurt, is be right on board with him and tell him to go.... But this just seems like he.just wants to go visit and who cares about ss.
I'm obviously not going to forbid he go or anything, but I really felt like I had to mention it. I know its his responsibility, and not.mine..... But we are still talking about a kid here. Not even to mention the fact that he'd be leaving me with all the kids by myself for three extra day without asking or checking with me.
I would just say, "Fine with
I would just say, "Fine with me, but I want you to be the one to tell SS you are missing his birthday and why."
Honestly, I doubt she even
Honestly, I doubt she even remebers his bday is this month. She has EXTREME favoritism for SD over any of the boys. She doesn't even want to meet bioson, and he's almost 3.
Everyone in dhs family is very girl centric and the boys are essentially ignored..... Making me feel even worse for ss. Bioson atlesst has me there to give him all that extra love and attention, but ss's mom walked out on him too. Dh used to remind his mom when ss's birthday was coming up ame a package would've come with one or two small things for ss, and like ten expensive things for sd...... SD birthday rolls around and a box comes with 15 things for her and nothing for ss. I have to spend hundreds of dollars at Xmas time to buy more things for ss and put grandmas name on the tag to make it look somewhat even between the kids. This Xmas she got 6 gifts and an ipod.... He got 3 boardgames.
This explains why he wants to
This explains why he wants to go on his son's bday. Solidarity w/ mom on treating him like poo. This is sickening. I don't get it. My exh favors my daughter also which is just really odd to me, because you would think fathers would want to teach their sons everything they know, how to "be a man," etc. I just don't get it...
A lot of men that I know who
A lot of men that I know who are like this are angry at their own dads. Not sure how the psychology works, but just what I've observed.
It's things like this that
It's things like this that haunt people into adulthood. For some reason your spouse has made a big deal out of going to see his mom. He's escaping.
Let him go. I say.
I'm glad your ss has you there for him. You must be a super awesome mom and he's very very lucky!
It might not seem like a big deal now, but I think down the road that it's these sorta things that really mean the most to kids. He might not remember the actual birthday but he'll remember how special you made him feel.
And that's what is important!
Can you make a small little
Can you make a small little "hoop la" before dh leaves? At least some sort of acknowledgment of the birthday? And I agree, that is assholish of dh to leave over ss birthday especially when mom checked out ok.
Wow. His priorities suck. Let
Wow. His priorities suck. Let him dig his own grave with his son. You dont need the headache of trying to stop him if he really just continues to show he doesn't give a sh*t. I did it for years with my former SS... I would send gifts and cards and sign his dad's name... his father could barely remember WHEN his bday WAS... let alone to send anything. I finally handed off the responsibility and he is digging his own gave with that kid. Not my problem and it was SUCH a relief to let it go.
The problem with doing
The problem with doing something the weekend before or after is that Dh works weekends. So we are already super limited as it is, I just don't get how he can just not care. He acted like I was just bringing up stupidness to monkey wrench his plans.
It truly is a no win situation for me everyday.
I am almost 60 so probably
I am almost 60 so probably older than his mother. I fell and had a concussion last year. Had to go to ER, had a bump and bruises. NOT a big deal.
This can be a big deal - but if it is not a week later she is okay. I'd be afraid I was dying and they hadn't told me if someone flew across country to check on me.
I think if this was a one
I think if this was a one time thing, she wouldn't have posted about it. Obviously this is an ongoing issue, and this has nothing to do with "entitlement" issues of children. That's absurd. This father is self absorbed to the point where he can't see what's going on right in front of him, and he's joining in with marginalizing his son. If children can't expect to be a priority on their freakin birthday, it's no wonder we have so many children crying out for someone to love them and show them they care. I'm sure your ss is grateful for you, PeanutandSons, even though he may never say it!