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O/T how would you take this question?

Nothemom's picture

Submitted by Nothemom on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 9:24am

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This is out there. How would you take this question: What would you say if I told you I cheated?

I didn't know what to say so I just asked, have you? The response was I was wondering what you would say. Now I'm wondering if he is asking because he has. I asked him and he said no just wondering what I would say. So I shrugged it off but now it really has me wondering about his line of questioning.

So do you think it is a simple question or do you think he is asking for a reason?

jadedprincess's picture

Submitted by jadedprincess on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 9:28am

you need to talk indepth soon. it could be nothing but it could be serious

DeeDeeTX's picture

Submitted by DeeDeeTX on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 9:42am

This! There could be a reason for asking this that would make total sense, but it's not a question you just ask out of the blue, IMHO.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 9:44am

Either he has cheated, or he's thinking about cheating. That kind of question doesn't just pop up in someone's mind for no reason.

Nothemom's picture

Submitted by Nothemom on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 9:45am

Thanks for the confirmation. We have always had alot of freedom in our relationship. I don't want that to change. I enjoy feeling secure that he will come home to me. But I do hate the nagging suspusion that an 'opportunity' came up one night and he took it. That question took me by surprise. I have never thought of cheating. I guess that I think if you are looking for something else then this relationship isn't what you want or need.

I don't blame him. You have to live your own life and make your own choices. But if you want something else don't string me along.

duct_tape's picture

Submitted by duct_tape on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 10:00am

Bingo!

duct_tape's picture

Submitted by duct_tape on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 9:59am

I don't think he's cheated.

Let me psychoanalyze here.

I think a man who has actually cheated would never ask this question. They know the damn answer. You'de be livid, dump them, whatever. Pissed.

What is his goal? That is the question? What would your goal be if you asked this but didn't cheat?

Your goal would be to place doubt in the mind of your partner. By placing doubt in their mind, you foster insecurity. By fostering some insecurity, to establish control. By establishing control, you feel better about yourself.

This person is insecure, want to control someone who is seemingly secure and in order to accomplish this, must knock them down a notch or two.

mom2boys's picture

Submitted by mom2boys on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 10:21am

I would sit down and find out the reason he did ask you this question...wasn't asked for no reason. goodluck

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 10:34am

I think you really need to talk to him. He may have been trying (in a bad way) to see what your reaction might be. Sometimes when people are feeling insecure they ask alot of "what if a,b or c were to happen, how would you react?"

They ask this to see if your reaction is what they want to hear.

This could possibly be the case, but I think it would be best to sit down with him (not on phone or text or email) and get to the 'root' of what caused him to ask this question. Hope everything goes ok.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 10:36am

"I would ask you why you were telling me about it now. What would you say if I told you I had cheated?"

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 11:59am

I have also talked about this issue in depth with my FDH--if you guys are comfortable with asking hard questions like this, I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

That being said, FDH said he'd find it in his heart to forgive me.
I said I'd leave and never see/speak/contact him again.

We're both secure with each other, it was just a curiosity question for us, so we know how to handle it if it did ever come up, and know where the other person stood. We both promised that before we do something stupid like that, we talk to each other first. I did say there was no guaranteed that if either of us were drunk and a hottie propositioned us, we 100% wouldn't, but we hope that we have the self-control not to.