OT - Am I being too sensitive to this Racist Comment?
Last night my BF and I were invited by a married couple to a cook out at their house.
I'm mixed, black and white, my BF is white. The couple that invited us is white, as was everyone else at the party except for one other man who is mixed like me.
There were a few people there I'd never met before. There was this one married couple that brought out this game called Crimes Against Humanity. Basically, you pull a black card that says something like "the world would be a better place with --" and people are supposed to pick white cards that end the pharse with the most funniest or outlandish answer, many of them were pretty raunchy. For example the card "when I fart ---- comes out" people would put down cards that said things like "rainbows and unicorns" or "a fetus" or "elf cum" - answers were basically politically incorrect stuff or sexual in nature.
Anyway, there a few blank cards that the couple that brought the game had previously filled in. So while playing the game, we come across one of the cards that this couple had written in before.
It says "d*ck ni**er". When this card was read, people were like, why did you write that down? and the wife said they were playing the game with one of their friends and he was just calling out random words and when he said "d*ck ni**ger" they kissed so they decided to write those two words down.
Everyone had already been drinking a little bit by this point so at first I didn't really think about it. However, later on another friend of ours (who is white) was reading a rap out loud and she said "N word".
However, the same wife that brought the card game said "I like how she said N word instead of ni**ger." At that point I told my BF let's go. My BF was pretty drunk so I drove home. He apologized and said he had never met that lady before and didn't know who she was. As I started to think about it, I got mad about the way that wife felt so comfortable saying that word. I know we were playing a policitically incorrect word game, but for one of their friends to blurt out that word and for her to go through the thought process to say "oh, that's funny, let's write that down as a possible answer" tells me it wasn't a foot in mouth type of slip up.
I want to call our friend and just ask her in the future that I'd rather not be invited if she's inviting that couple. I know we were playing a game but still I don't think that wife should have used that word as an answer. Overall it just seemed like she had no shame and was not even in the least bit worried that she might offend someone.
So am I right to be offended or am I making something out of nothing?
I get your point but many
I get your point but many won't... People forget what they do with people who are only like themselves-making jokes about race, sexuality, religion, etc and when that gets exposed to others, they are busted. Better to own in than to make an excuse. My DH is white, I'm bi-racial like you and people seem to think that because my DH is white & I'm mixed that it's okay to say racially insensitive things about all minorities because apparently I'm not black enough to be offended. SMH. Could be what your co-guest was thinking. I would clear the air and have the discussion with hostess and see her feelings on it now that everyone is sober..
I can tell you that if that
I can tell you that if that happened in my crowd of friends (who are mostly old white Republicans) there would be a deadly silence and no laughing. Probably some gasps. And I personally would remove that person from my life.
And it wouldn't matter whether someone mixed or black was there or not.
I'm not at all offended by dumb blonde jokes but this is something totally different.
Oh hell no! You have every
Oh hell no! You have every right to be offended. That is ridiculous and I would not spend anymore time with anyone who felt those were appropriate things to say.
Your feelings are spot on.
Your feelings are spot on. You're good. I would have left as soon as I saw that card.
I agree with you, I think it
I agree with you, I think it is a word that shouldn't be used too. But I have heard black people call each other Niger and to be honest I don't think that is acceptable and sure doesn't do anything towards stopping the use of this word. As far as what to do about it. Wait for an opportunity, if your friend brings up the cook out or mentions it, bring it up then, if she doesn't, the next time you are invited to her home, ask her straight out if this person will be there, if she says yes, tell her you'd rather not come and why.
That's just sickening. Always
That's just sickening. Always trust your gut, racism exists, and people are idiots. i don't care if people call me the PC police. It's not about free speech it's about considering someone else's feelings. When you're at a party with people you don't know, chances are someone's going to be offended by racist comments.
Just tell your friend that's not your idea of a good time, you can wait until your invited again. I don't think I would ever go back to a party where there was a risk of having to play that stupid game, really, "I fart unicorns." People think that's funny and clever? Ha, ha, how hilarious. Not. I'm not crazy about games anyway. I just like to hang.
My DH is mixed African
My DH is mixed African American and white and A friend of my mother's got drunk and started spewing hate that she thought was so funny and when DH got offended she said " Well you're not a full bread monkey so relax". Needless to say my mother does not talk to this woman anymore that I know of and my family will not associate with her ever again because she basically insulted DH the steps and baby because they are all apart of DH and even though I am white Canadian they are my family and apart of me and it offended me as well. So yes you have a right to be offended and to not associate yourself with that couple.
How horrible. Im sorry that
:jawdrop:
How horrible. Im sorry that you had to be subjected to that.
You shouldve black lined out 'n***** d***' then wrote in 'Ignorant bigot', handed her the card and walked out.
Thanks for letting me know
Thanks for letting me know I'm not making mountains out of molehills. I just finished talking to the friend who invited us, explained her that I was offended. She said this person is friends with her husband and she has never heard her say anything like that before. She said she was uncomfortable herself, and that she was sorry that I was made to feel uncomfortable in her home.
I told her it really bothered me how comfortable she felt saying that word, that bothered me more than anything. She apologized again and understood where I was coming from.
She said she would always invite me and my BF, but in the future would let me know if this person was invited as well. To me that almost says she condones her friend's behavior.
I still have some thinking to do on this, I guess.
double post
double post
IMO the whole game sounds
IMO the whole game sounds gross.
I am mixed, my husband is black kids are black. No way would that have sat well with me. I don't care how drunk you are, old you are, what music you listen to, or where you live, that word should not be on the tip of anyone's tongue.
I wish someone would have spoke up when it was said.
I was at the nail shop last week and a younger woman/loud talker said "N-word Rigged" describing how bad her house's plumbing was. I leaned over and said "You look like a nice young lady, do you think you could use a better term to describe that, or at least speak more quietly so people can't hear you use that horrible word?" Seriously.
I do wish I had said
I do wish I had said something at the time, but I've never been in this type of situation before - hearing someone say this word.
I think also the reason why I didn't react at first is because she didn't actually say the word when we were playing the game, she just explained how those words came to be written down on the card.
Ever been in a situation where something happens but you don't realize until later how wrong it is? That was this. It was only later on when she said actually said the word out loud that I started thinking - boy, she seems very comfortable using that word.
I am around plenty of groups
I am around plenty of groups of black people that do not use the N word when speaking. To take the stance that it should be accepted because a certain demographic wants to use the word is a wrong stance to take. That word is not acceptable to use by anyone and movies like "Baby Boy" (ick) and "Friday" just reinforce stereotypes.
How did this thread resurface? I remember it from last summer.
Agreed, along with other
Agreed, along with other racially-charged names. I will say that neither coworker has repeated the language in my presence. 'course, they all know I flip a sh*t if someone calls something/one re***ded or says "oh that's so g*y."
Though I did giggle inwardly when one of my peeps told a (very annoying) customer to shut up and listen to the answer to his question. And then told her it was inappropriate.
Racist jokes are different
Racist jokes are different from racial slurs IMO. I don't mind a few jokes but when you pull out the slurs it just seems a whole other level of ignorant and is often a good indicator of the character of the person using them.
I'm Asian and you can make fun of my eyes or driving and I'll laugh it off. We could joke about how I'm not a real Asian unless I play the violin or the piano and should hang my head in shame if I took the viola. But when you start using slurs and calling people stupid or talking about a certain race in a demeaning or dehumanizing fashion that's when it gets ugly.
I too played the Viola. I
I too played the Viola. I love that thing
I just played cards against
I just played cards against humanity the other day... I'm sorry you were offended, but that game is pretty offensive in general, with LOTS of room for racial issues as that's part of what makes the game... the game.
For example, we get cards like "A bigger blacker d****." and "Picking girls up at the abortion clinic." or "Turn a homeless person into a wireless hotspot." and these are the actual cards they give out in the game.
I don't condone that they actually wrote down a new one, but the nature of the game itself is offensive to begin with and I wouldn't play it unless I knew I could handle what could possibly come out. It sucks people use racial slurs so casually.
Okay, as far as not playing a
Okay, as far as not playing a game if I didn't think I could handle what could possibly come out - this was my first time playing this game - I didn't know what to expect. It was only as the game went on that the nature of the game was realized, and even then I can take a joke.
Not to mention that particular card wasn't a printed one, it was a blank one that the couple had written on. So even the makers of the game, as crude as they designed the game, knew that was the one word you just don't use no matter what.
I understand--I think they
I understand--I think they should have explained the game to you properly before hand, and I agree writing it down and using that word is horrible. But I think because of how crude the game is, they thought anything was fair game, which it isn't.
Why would anyone WANT to play
Why would anyone WANT to play such a vile game? :?
I dunno... I'm white. My ex
I dunno... I'm white. My ex is white. Our kids are white. If either of my two came out with a racial epithet like that in my presence? They could expect to be slapped. (Yes, even at 19 & 21) In a social situation? I would have a quiet word with my host/ess that it was time for me to go, and then I would let the offending party know - politely - why I was leaving.
And honestly? That is not a game that I think is appropriate under any circumstances.
Wow. I've played that game a
Wow. I've played that game a few times (Cards Against Humanity) and I've never come across any card with racial slurs or insults. That couple really went out of their way to be assholes.
I would have handed that woman her ass.
I don't think you were out of
I don't think you were out of line being offended. I'm white, and I would have been as well.
There are words that are not okay, regardless who is using them. Until reasonable people shut it down? They will keep finding their way into colloquial usage. Sorry - if you don't want the N word used? STOP using it! Even in your own community! Because people will say "you use it, so..." Stop being stupid! Stop providing an excuse - make it unacceptable across the board! IMO
People who say you use it
People who say you use it so... are just looking for an excuse to use the word.
I'm black and I do not use any racial slurs. Whenever I hear someone play the they say it card, I smile and say I never use the N word. But since you're dying to toss the N word around at will, I will send you my SAY THE N WORD free card. That way you can say it much as you like.
I have two coworkers (both
I have two coworkers (both are my subordinates) who throw the N word around. One is black, the other is not. when I ask why they think it's okay? Dude tells me "they're my people!" and chick says "Everyone I know says it!" I tell them that there are words people do not use in polite company - or at work. I'm going to use them here (kind of) just to make a point. We do NOT say n*****, or s***, or k***, or w******, or r******, c******.... We don't. Say what you want at home - but work is not where you should use those words/ EVER.
Where's the
Where's the manager/supervisor at? This kind of language in the workplace isn't just horribly offensive - it's illegal.
If this company doesn't want to find itself with a long, expensive EEO lawsuit then the manager needs to lay down the law and notify employees that anyone speaking such terms will be fired for doing so.
And I know "Old One" mentioned above not minding hearing "dumb blonde" comments and jokes, but guess what - that can be an EEO violation in the workplace, too.
My husband and I have many
My husband and I have many friends of many races and countries of origin. We joke with these friends and push boundaries that OUR FRIENDS are totally ok with- BUT we have that kind of relationship with them and they with us.
BUT NEVER would any of us use that kind of "socially acceptable amoung friends" language when we were with those NOT "in the inner circle of understanding" -if you guys understand what I mean.
I would never, for example say these things to my friend's parents that I would say around them.
That woman was totally out of line.
That definitely would not
That definitely would not happen in our circle of friends. We have many bi-racial couples in our circle as well as couples made up of races other than our own and many friends with diverse political beliefs that are far different than ours. For reference, we are both graduate degreed professional straight WASP fiscally conservative social libertarians. Our basic perspective is earn your own damned money, leave ours alone and live your life as you wish as long as it does not interfere with anyone else's right to do the same.
That said, I do think that political correctness is a disease that is killing our country.
To me the way to deal with it is to discuss behavior of individuals and hold individuals accountable for their actions regardless of their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or country of origin.
Idiots are idiots regardless of what demographic they occupy just as people of character are people of character regardless of what demographic they occupy.
And IMHO, no, you are not being overly sensitive in your feelings regarding the situation you outlined. The situation would have made me uncomfortable. Off color humor is fine, it is funny, and it is not offensive to the audience that is present at the time. If the situation that you describe had happened in our circle of friends someone would have said enough and issued the instruction to keep things moving in a less sensitive direction. Many people would have stepped up to issue that instruction.
IMHO of course.
I am not black, nor do I have
I am not black, nor do I have any african american (that I'm aware of) in my family. I find that word incredibly offensive, so I can just imagine how you may have felt. I don't think you're being overly sensitive at all. That is horrible that someone would think it was okay to say.