Once a loser, always a loser?
The problems I have been having with H are starting to get more and more visible to other people around here, you guys.
He's saying things and doing things he shouldn't be doing, and everyone from my little bro in law to my best friend are catching on.
I was trying to do homework, cook, dishes AND clean floors earlier and instead of helping me with our son he kept handing him off to my bro and sis in law (who kept handing him back to me)so he could stare at the tv with his mouth open looking like a big idiot and play on his phone.
AND, he actually had the AUDACITY to leave his freaking weed out on my counter, like omg I want to leave him SOLELY because he's smoking that now and he doesn't need to be, let alone LEAVING IT OUT ON MY DAMN COUNTERS!!
Me, being extremely short tempered lately (even just being around him for 5 seconds lately is too much because he's a useless POS that seems to think just because I don't work I do absolutely NOTHING 24/7 around here) yelled at him that if I see ANY drug paraphernalia again in this house, I am throwing it out.
Him, being the smart ass that he is said "I can't even hear you" and I said "you'll hear me when you find your stupid drugs in the trash", and once again I got the "I still can't hear you" response.
UGHHHH I seriously hate him, and even when he knows I am flustered and have deadlines to meet he says "Well no one told you that you HAD to go back to school" "You chose to have a baby and add school on top of it, that's not my fault"
...hold me back from killing him PLEASEEEEE.
And my little sister in law told my mil that all he does when he comes home from work is smoke and watch tv and then goes to bed (She's been staying with us while mil was out of town), and asked her why he never tries to help with the baby and why she always has to.
Of course my mil side texted me saying "you need to put your foot down with him, don't let him be lazy. He's going to think you'll cater to him if you don't start forcing him to do stuff"
and then I told her I try to tell him to do stuff and it never gets done, my son always screams when he has him for some reason and I don't want him around him anyways because he stinks like weed.
Theeennnn she goes all "He just needs to go to church again, when he was going consistently he had stopped drinking remember? We've just got to get him some help, he's just got to have someone convince him that he needs to start being a family man and..." blah blah blah.
He sure acts like a "family man" when SD is around!
I just flat out told her I'm not in love with him anymore. No loving emotions come when I look at him. He works, yes. But that is not enough for me and that is not what I married him for.
Thennnn she goes all "you two just need to go on a date and rekindle what you had and really talk it out and-"
No. No. No "date" is going to change how I feel. I can't talk to him about anything without him getting angry. There's really no point. I feel like we're just roommates sharing a kid now.
Buuut why is there a piece of me that keeps saying "maybe if we just wait and see...don't want to leave and find out later that he decided to change"... WHY ARE THOSE THOUGHTS STILL THERE. I don't know who to punch, him or myself! Both! lol
If taking a man to church can REALLY change his ways, I'm outta luck because there's no way I would be able to get this guy to go back to one. Only reason he went the first time was because he hit rock bottom and no one wanted anything to do with him.
Have any of you left and regretted it later?? Or is your H still a loser from when you left??
Smoking pot probably has a
Smoking pot probably has a lot to do with his not wanting to do anything but watch tv and play on his phone. You would be so much better on your own and you are strong enough to do it.
I have absolutely no regrets
I have absolutely no regrets about the demise of my first marriage. My only feelings regarding my XW and that blessedly failed mariage is good riddance.
File for divorce, initial custody, CS, and schedule the locksmith to rekey the locks. Have him served at work and take the first step to free yourself and your child from this loser POS.
You go to church and get the support you need. You can't change him, you can only change yourself.
Don't waste your time and effort on this POS.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
I know ya'll just keep
I know ya'll just keep telling me and telllling me to leave, but I'm so freaking 50/50 mindset.
I'm embarrassed to end this and be ridiculed for having married him and having a baby with him in the first place.
I'm afraid of the hell he AND my MIL will put me through with court for custody, just like they did to SD's BM.
I'm afraid of how I will be able to take care of my son on my own, I don't want to burden my parents again like I did for 4 months. Sure they love my son and miss us but I know they kept thinking "when is she going to go back" when I was there...
I'm just not mentally prepared, it's soooo scary to think about. And upsetting...I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle what would come if I were to just up and leave and not come back...
But I'm also afraid to stay and 2,5,10, heck even 20 years from now regret the way my son was raised
I'm afraid to stay and settle for no more children in the future
I'm afraid to stay because if he EVER gets caught with pot in this house or his car while I KNEW about it, I could be in just as much trouble and my son could be taken away from me too, even if I've never smoked in my entire life!
I'm afraid for religious reasons, all of my religious friends say I took a vow before God.
I'm scared to stay, scared to leave, I'm stuck! I'll admit it.
But I'm thinking that I am just going to have to lay it all out on the table immediately. As in today. Because I know a lot of people defend weed as being harmless but I don't want it in this house, period.
I don't want him smoking it and having the smell on him, then coming around my son. Period.
And I want more help with chores or the baby. Period.
I'm just freaking out about the weed thing because 2 cops showed up the other day (wrong house) and if H would have been doing it in here or smelling like it I know it's in here and I could have just died. I don't want to be worrying about what COULD happen- my son comes first!!!! I haven't been saying anything but it's really starting to irk me now, so bad where I almost want to confess to the police myself that he has it and to come look! No, I don't want to be a rat but seriously! I am freaking out ALLLLLL day about it! Especially when I saw it out on my counter like wtf!!!!!!!
hell no I better not ever
hell no I better not ever catch my boy doing any drugs or his ass will be grass!
He used to claim he would
He used to claim he would drink alcohol because it would help his "anxiety" and then he quit alcohol and went to weed because it helps his "anxiety" I don't see an effing prescription for weed around here or medical evidence he has said "anxiety" so I am about to go off!
Like there's weed crumbs or
Like there's weed crumbs or whatever on my floor right now over by one of our windows that he smokes out of plus he cuts it or whatever ON MY DINING TABLE OR COFFEE TABLE like I seriously can't handle this, my dad has been a police officer for over 20 years if he knew I married someone that did this he would wring my neck
And lets not forget about the
And lets not forget about the burnt tip knives I found stuck into my electric stove burner one day when I came out to the kitchen because I smelled weed. I was livid, like how ignorant can someone be, first of all why are you ruining our STOVE (now with burn marks and whatever else from that) to do drugs and 2, can't that somehow cause the silverware to catch fire??? Like won't that put the house at risk of being burnt down??? With baby and I in it?? Like am I over reacting guys because I am seriously freaking the eff out!
Nikki, You know what must be
Nikki,
You know what must be done. You now have to make a decision. Either way you decide, go or stay, you own it at this point and the results, consequences, and fall out is all on you.
Personally I think staying is not the right choice. As the mom, as SO is a dope smoking useless POS, you will get custody, you will get CS, and you will be the one primarily in the driver's seat as your child's life unfolds.
So, what do you want for your child? Do you want a life for your child governed and influenced by your SO's issues and complete lack of character or do you want a life for your child that is primarily as you decide for it to be and only perioically influenced by the shallow and polluted end of the child's gene pool?
You can do this. My bride did it when she was only 18 when she booted the Sperm Idiot out of her life and stepped out into the world on her own to make a life for herself and her baby. Sure, she worried about the stigma of being a 16&pregnant single teen mom. She worried about the stigma of having born a child by a useless POS. She worried about the toxic manipulations of the Sperm Idiot's controlling and toxic mother (the Sperm GrandHag). She worried but she also acted. She stepped up. She took control. She owned the situation, she confronted it head on, and she became far more than the victim that her early situation indicated that she should be and she raised a young man (SS-22) to be a viable adult of character who can stand on his own and adeptly deal with and handle the crap from his Sperm Clan.
My bride is far from that 18yo force of nature that she was when we met. She is a 39yo stunning beauty, MBA/CPA, confident, successful, amazing mom, wife, and woman. Sure, she still occassionally comments on how she wishes that our kid could have began his life under difference circumstances but she knows full well that she so far past that stage in her life and so much better than the the Sperm Clan that tried so hard to control and manipulate her.
So, how much longer to do you intend to tolerate this crap and expose your child to these idiots?
Act!!! Now!!! Or own that you are chosing to stay. You know the situation, your know your SO, and you are choosing to remain. That is the choice you make each and every second that you stay and expose yourself and your child to this situation. SO made the choice to be a useless and abusive POS long ago. He owns that decision and is all in as far as living his life in alignment with that decision.
You are the one at this point who is endangering your own future and the future of your child by choosing to stay.
As for your dad. You are way off on how he would react I am sure. Call him, explain the situation and that you are moving on and ask for his help. No doubt the blue brotherhood will rally in your support and help minimize any issues that SO and his Hag of a mother can bring to bear. Parents can be disappointed in their kids but they also are happy to help when asked. So ask.
Get pics on your phone of your SO doing drugs with your child in proximity. Record his bullshit, take that stuff to dad and let the system help you.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck either way you choose to go but if you stay realize that it you that has chosen that path.
"I'm afraid to stay because
"I'm afraid to stay because if he EVER gets caught with pot in this house or his car while I KNEW about it, I could be in just as much trouble and my son could be taken away from me too, even if I've never smoked in my entire life!"
This right here is way you really to need to end this. No man is worth losing your child.
Stop worrying about what others will say and focus on keeping your son safe. Those same people who will talk shit if you divorce, will talk much more crap and add call you a POS mother, if your son is ever pulled from your home because you didn't do everything in your power to protect him.
Oh no! I'm actually sorry to
Oh no! I'm actually sorry to hear you went back to him - I was hoping you'd stayed with (or at least near) your parents!
To answer your question - no. I have NEVER regretted leaving a loser. And whether they get better or not is totally irrelevant to whether I regret leaving - because once the relationship is gone, it's gone.
And I agree with others - you need to protect your son. Keeping your child living in the house with a drug user is coming dangerously close to child abuse, or at least neglect. He's a baby right now, but once he starts crawling he's going to be getting into everything - including that bag of drugs your "DH" has in the house. You're right, you could lose your child. Or your kid could end up in the hospital after eating his dad's drugs. Is that man seriously worth it??? Leave. Get sole custody and supervised visitation for H until he passes drug tests. I cannot believe you even MENTIONED "And I want more help with [...]the baby." How can you even consider letting a drug addict take care of your child?!?
Don't throw them in the
Don't throw them in the trash. FLUSH THEM.
Because he has his moments of
Because he has his moments of being a good dad/husband.
He'll kiss on baby or play rocket with him
And once in a while he will make me breakfast or dinner.
I'm not sure if these are "I'm sorry for something I have done" gestures or a glimpse of the man I COULD have if he gets some dang help.
But you're right, my main concern is in the drug use.
I am going to address it today.
You are NOT IN LOVE with him.
You are NOT IN LOVE with him. You said so yourself. THIS is the reason to move on. If that's not enough, how about:
...he's a useless POS...
UGHHHH I seriously hate him...
No "date" is going to change how I feel.
His "moments" are not enough. What percentage are we talking about? 90%? 50%? 2%??
Him kissing/playing rocket with a baby every now and again, making you breakfast/dinner once in a while... these are NOT reasons to stay with someone who so obviously disrespects you. IMHO, he sounds like a college boy more intent on partying than doing anything else. He MIGHT change if you leave, but he will only change if HE wants to.