Can someone help me with how I can let go of the feeling that he is an absolute moron sometimes?
Long story short- It seems like my ideas (about SD14)are always scoffed at and if i make a suggestion or comment, he gets pissy with me.
He and BM have been embroiled in an ugly battle for years. I have always been an advocate to go to court and just get it fixed, he resisted and said, no- BM will just alienate SD more. Police had to be involved earlier this year, PAS got worse, I said SD needs you to be her advocate. He got testy and said he just couldn't fight anymore.
FINE. I stopped saying anything. Then all of a sudden, he got balls. Now court is in action and he says he feels he needs to fight for his daughter.... like it just hit him- like an epiphany.... Ummmmm- what????????
Two FU&*^% weeks ago, he got defensive about it and now??? It's the BEST idea????????? WHAT? I want to say, "SERIOUSLY??? now its a good idea????" Sorry... I just feel like he has ZERO regard for anything I've said...
Of course its okay when he thinks its his idea. This is how my FDH is also... I have learned to plant a little bug in his ear aboutwhat iI know would be best for our family (which usually IS the best for our family) I'll give him a few days to roll it around in his head and BAM!! He comes to me with amazing ideas, which I knew would be great when I thought of them. Lol
I have boiled it down to a man thing... My mom has to do the same thing with my dad. Everything is a dumb idea UNLESS they think of it.
I'm sure it is a man thing too, as my husband is severely afflicted by it! He just came up with an idea about how we can better talk out issues we have that I've been harping on for weeks. I think that is the problem though. I was harping and men are fixers. They need to feel important, that they can handle it, that they aren't reliant on us. We know they are, but for the sake of their very fragile pride, it is better to accept that he had a great idea and just know where it came from. In the end, the result is the same.
It does sound like you might still have to work on communication, though. If you are being respectful in how you bring up potential problems, he should be willing to listen, and vice versa.
Can someone help me with how
Can someone help me with how I can let go of the feeling that he is an absolute moron sometimes?
Long story short- It seems like my ideas (about SD14)are always scoffed at and if i make a suggestion or comment, he gets pissy with me.
He and BM have been embroiled in an ugly battle for years. I have always been an advocate to go to court and just get it fixed, he resisted and said, no- BM will just alienate SD more. Police had to be involved earlier this year, PAS got worse, I said SD needs you to be her advocate. He got testy and said he just couldn't fight anymore.
FINE. I stopped saying anything. Then all of a sudden, he got balls. Now court is in action and he says he feels he needs to fight for his daughter.... like it just hit him- like an epiphany.... Ummmmm- what????????
Two FU&*^% weeks ago, he got defensive about it and now??? It's the BEST idea????????? WHAT? I want to say, "SERIOUSLY??? now its a good idea????" Sorry... I just feel like he has ZERO regard for anything I've said...
Yep. I'm there. Mine still
Yep. I'm there. Mine still needs to be hit by that lightning bolt of an idea (that I have insisted upon since day #1)...
Do i call him out on it? I
Do i call him out on it? I feel like- buddy- you dismiss anything I say- but when you think its YOUR idea- its ok????
Of course its okay when he
Of course its okay when he thinks its his idea. This is how my FDH is also... I have learned to plant a little bug in his ear aboutwhat iI know would be best for our family (which usually IS the best for our family) I'll give him a few days to roll it around in his head and BAM!! He comes to me with amazing ideas, which I knew would be great when I thought of them. Lol
I have boiled it down to a man thing... My mom has to do the same thing with my dad. Everything is a dumb idea UNLESS they think of it.
I'm sure it is a man thing
I'm sure it is a man thing too, as my husband is severely afflicted by it! He just came up with an idea about how we can better talk out issues we have that I've been harping on for weeks. I think that is the problem though. I was harping and men are fixers. They need to feel important, that they can handle it, that they aren't reliant on us. We know they are, but for the sake of their very fragile pride, it is better to accept that he had a great idea and just know where it came from. In the end, the result is the same.
It does sound like you might still have to work on communication, though. If you are being respectful in how you bring up potential problems, he should be willing to listen, and vice versa.
All the best,
A. S. Noraford
Author, Stepfamily Diaries
www.blendedfamilysurvivalguide.com