I think i would start with getting them separate beds, if they don't already. I think DH needs to talk to BM so they can tackle this issue immediately, regardless of what the kids say. I would guess counseling would be the next step. What kind of report do you have with BM? Is it possible to split custody of the kids? I think in the court's eyes, it would be viewed as sexual abuse of a minor, although the oldest is a minor too.

What a sticky situation...wishing you luck.

If you don't say anything you are just as guilty as everyone else in this situation. And I would call the authorities. SO what if mom knows about it. Obviously she is failing on the job - and frankly

SO IS YOUR FREAKING HUSBAND!!!!

If my husband found out that one of his kids was SEXUALLY ABUSING (verging on rape if he is telling his brother to "kiss" it) his brother - I would hope that he would seperate the boys - tell the older boy that what he is doing is wrong and tell the older boy that what he is doing IS considered rape and tell his younger son that he was violated and that it wasn't his fault - but that he is a victim.

Does dad know that this is going to scar his son for life???

And are you kidding me??? I would NEVER allow my 10 year old bioson around that freak EVER!!! And who cares if BMJ hates you all. Then she doesn't have to talk to you all.

If I knew who you all were I myself would call CPS on him and you all myself for neglect. You have known for two years!!! You should be ashamed of yourslef!!!

:jawdrop: You can not let this go with a promise from SS that it won't happen again. This kid is SICK and needs professional help. NOW before he does any more damage to his little brother. Moreover a 14 year old does not wake up one morning and start abusing another child sexually. There is more to this story and maybe he himself was a victim or sexual abuse. Please get him some help immediately.

I agree. If no one else will do something, then you need to. You have no rights as a stepparent, but in this case you are an adult and these are children - you have the right to contact the authorities and i think you need to. If I were you, I would try to take emergency custody of the youngest and keep the two seperated permanently unless it is strictly supervised and the youngest is ok with it. Get that child in counseling, too. If the biomom doesnt know this is going on than she needs to - that is not a secret you keep from a parent, EVER.

If I was the Bio Mom I would want to know. But I am reasonable (SHE may think you are making it up to make her look bad) Call CPS first then call her if you feel comfortable. Talk to your son about his having to testify of the behalf of his 8 year old step brother

Cassie33, this is probably even more serious than you realize right now. I have read many pschology books on sexual abuse as my daughter was diagnosed as possibily being abused when she was 10, she is now 29.

I do not know the family set up with BM but this is very important, all family members have to be aware. I would not go to CPS because there's too much potential unknowns there. I have counsins who were placed in foster homes because one of my aunts was an alcoholic, they would have been better off left in the home.

Older boy is manipulating and threatening younger brother, the abuse will continue, and the younger boy will more than likely act out what he learns from big brother. My SS would set his alarm clock to sneak into my daughter's bedroom at nite. She also was threatened if she told, and unfortunately for this to even happen in the first place these abusers become very charming. My daughter was enticed by games.

Your husband and his ex have to sit and talk, if you can be a part of this great. Counseling needs to start immediately for both boys and not just one-one-one, this needs to be family counseling. It is so important to get this stopped now. Do not listen to a promise and do not ever leave the boys unsupervised. If that means one boy has to live with you and the other boy lives with mom, something needs to be done to protect everyone involved. Thank goodness your son said something.

Older son may feel betrayed by his dad as he promised to keep this secret from BM but that in itself let's SS know he can get away with this at BM's house. Dad needs to explain to his son that his mom needs to know what is going on, and that they are all going to talk about it. The parents are not going to like the truth of this situation to be known to anyone. 1/3 of families experience sibling incest but it is the last taboo to be talked about, everyone wants to brush it under the rug like it doesn't exist. It is very damaging.

If mom denies this could be happening or will not listen, your husband needs to tell her that his only otion to protect his sons is to go to CPS. And that's exactly what would need to be done.

I do hope that BM will listen as if she gets protective and denies this could be going on she will protect her sons in her thinking when actually she will only be allowing more damage. You never know the outcome of a case where CPS is involved and I think sometimes there's more damage done than good so I see CPS as a last resort option.

I found out our sitaution after the fact. What I was able to piece together is that my husband's (who had custody of sons from 2 & 4) interest in porn sparked the oldest boy. I do believe the older boy was experimented on at day care and then I think he inturn experimented on his younger brother. The younger boy as a small guy then wanted to "pee," as he called it, in my 5 year old daughter's mouth. I think at some point older boy stopped experimenting on his younger brother but moved onto my oldest daughter. When it started they were pre-teens and probably were not fully aware of what was happening but by the time my daughter actually got it to stop she was 15 and one of her male friends threatened SS if he didn't stop.

In SS's confession (he was 24) he said he knew what he was doing was wrong but he could not stop himself. He then joked and said it was his male hormones and with that I think he thought he'd have understanding espcially from the males in the family.

My daughter is very messed up and has been in and out of counseling since she was 10.

AVR1962
Not reporting this is bad advice. This problem is too big and too serious for this family.
They need professional and legal help. That child has an inherent right to be protected by the adults around him. It is up to the authorities at CPS to determine the appropriate course of action from there on. The older boy needs to be labeled as a sexual offender to the community. (Would you want him to babysit your children, or be your neighbor? I think not.) The older boy also has a right to treatment. Court mandated treatment is the only way to ensure he gets it.

You know what, I don't care for social services methods but in this case it is appropriate and necessary.
It is your burden and responsibility to report it. It is CPS's to validate and treat.
THIS is why we have CPS.

Since the bio parents won't do anything you have absolutely no choice but to go to the authorities.

Someone needs to do SOMETHING! It sounds like you did all you could by talking to the children and obviously that wasn't enough since its still going on. I think its time to let authorities take care of it. That way at least for whatever comes next it would be the right thing. They are professionals and its their jobs to deal with these situations and find the appropriate solution. No one else is stepping up to this situation and since you seem to be the only one even concerned its up to you.

It would be wrong to just simply turn your heads and let this continue on. Their futures are at risk. You need to really think about getting professional help whether that be CPS or a psychologist.

Please contact the authorities right away just food for thought if you do not then you would be just as guilty as the agressor who is performing these acts and you could be held criminally liable if it ever gets out you knew and did not tell the authorities right away as a mother would you want to keep this sort if thing under wraps because of the family?
What kind of chance are you giving this child ask yourself what would you do I cant beleive you havent called the cops yet!!! Please call NOW help this child and the other one he learned it somewhere.

And just so you know this kind of crime usually repeats itself from victim and then the victim becomes the agressor which is probably what happened the older SS what if your son is next???

This is a tough situation but you have to involve BM and authorities of some kind.

My cousin and I had a sleep over at our grandma's house and grandma's boyfriend came in naked and tried to get us kids to touch it. I told my mom about it and she said I was lying. I am now 40 and still haven't gotten over my mother not protecting me in this situation.

This post makes me sick. Sexual predators cannot just "stop". As far as I'm concerned, your husband is completely responsible for at least two years of sexual abuses his child has been subjected to and also responsible for not getting his oldest son the help he needs. Both sons know their father has allowed this to continue. If I was their mother and found this out (which she will very soon), I would have a hard time not killing him myself.

I can't believe he would allow this to continue out of fear of what will happen to the 14 year old. Both of those kids are going to screwed up for life! Who lets two near teenage boys share a bed together on a regular basis. Don't be fooled to think having seperate bedroom will stop this or has anything to do with it....they will find elsewhere to do it if not in bed together.

I don't give a crap what your husband or anyone else says...you HAVE to call and do something about it, or you are just as guilty as their father. Let the chips fall as they may, someone has to protect that boy. If either of these kids haven't already sexually abused someone else, it WILL happen.

And people wonder how so much sexual abuse goes on in the world....

I'm sorry this is harsh, but it is much more serious than you know if your original question is "Is older stepson sexually abusing his younger brother?" He's been doing it for years, and the responsible adults in their lives have allowed it occur.

Cassie, please keep us informed on what happens.

Cassie33 my heart goes out to you and your family. I am proud of you for taking the first steps in stopping abuse.

cassie33 i think you did the right think calling cps the older ss needs help. i think the younger ss needs counsling and lots of it.

What you should do is immediately separate the boys! Do NOT, I repeat do NOT send the younger one back to BM until the investigation is completed. See if there is a child advocacy center near you and call them ASAP. Do not question the younger one again until you call them. They have a forensic expert who will interview the child to determine the scope of the abuse. They both need help but the younger one deserves protection first and foremost. If you send that boy back he will be threatened into denying the abuse. Get your attorney to file an emergency protection order to keep the little one with you but even without that order, don't send him back!! You have waited two years too long but do the right thing now and FIGHT for this kid!!!!