It seems like there is some insecurity you’re feeling.    I think you should think about it an explore why. Was it her house before and you feel like she’s trying to come back? Do you not trust your SO and her? 

I didn't think that you guys even lived together, or that you were married.

Your posts (and your relationship) confuse the hell out of me.

Was she actually in the house, or just there to pick up the kids? If she was in the house, you need to draw a line w your SO about boundaries. She doesn’t need to be in the house to pick the kids up.

If she was just there to collect them, you need to take a look at why that’s bothering you. Was she supposed to wait until you arrived home to collect her children? 

I think this may be overreacting and an insecurity issue. 

I mean she has the right to pick up her kids and I dont think or agree that you need to be there when she does. 

Was she inside the house and hung out?? Or did she just pull up, collect the kids, and ciao?

Are you two living together? And are you married? Your previous posts state you don't live together and you refer to him as BF.

In this instance, I think it makes a difference. If this is your BF's home that you don't live in, then he gets to set the terms of who comes to it and stands inside it.

Now, you get to set the terms of when you are intimate with him, if at all. I don't suggest using sex, or lack thereof, as a consequence for him doing something you don't like. If you don't like his boundaries with BM, talk to him about it. If he won't change, then either deal with it or break up. You can tell him that her being in his home turns you off and makes you not want to be intimate so he can make an informed decision. But if you withhold sex because you don't get what you want, then you are making it okay for him to do the same to you.

Like everyone else has asked, was she just picking up the kids and leaving or was she there hanging out? Big difference.

No reason for BM to be in the home.  “ It’s for the kids “ Has to stop.  Or you get your SO and BM going on vacation together for the kids.  Time for a heart to heart talk with your SO.  Either he stop this nonsense or your are done with him.  Make him pick.   If he picks BM. He is not for you, you will never be first 

"Everyone must agree on the adult rules".

IF you dont agree...then it is a NO GO.

IF your boyfriend and his ex dont care what you think...WHAT do you think about that?

sounds like you are insecure and don't trust your partner...Ever consider couples counseling? Or if it's something you cannot fix then leave. If there is no trust in the relationship you have nothing.

You want to set the boundaries in one place and your SO thinks they should be somewhere else.  You and your SO need to negotiate where you're both comfortable setting the boundaries.  Couple's counseling would probably help.

But for the record, you get to feel however you want when your boundaries are stomped. 

a new relationship .  The new partner has to put up with a lot of old baggages. If you want a new relationship then you have to do certain things. Like not letting your EX into your home.  Or start the new relationship with someone who will allow you to being your EX into the home. And may allow your new partner to bring EX boy friends into the home also.  

If you have already expressed your discomfort and anxiety and he has overlooked and ignored it, then this is an early indication of your emotional needs coming second to his ex and children. He’s either too spineless or too overly concerned with the feelings of his ex. It is not beneficial or necessary for separated parents to maintain wonderful, unrealistic ideas for children that border on inappropriate. It’s disrespectful towards your feelings as the new partner and could brew animosity within the children when there’s finally a shift. 

Dating single parents who are permanently tied to their ex sucks enough. If they insist on being a tornadic, chaotic, destructive presence pre-marriage, get out of the situation and find a better mate ! 

 Co-parent situations differ from person to person. If it works for him he might not want to change it and you might have to respect it. The fact is you DON’T live there. That means you don’t have any say it what happens there. If you have issues then you need to deal with them and accept this might not change.

They are being friendly. They are handling exchanges the way that works for them. If you trust your partner you may need to accept that.

I’ve ALWAYS had issues with BM and her hostility yet exchanges have always happened at the door and sometimes they both step into each other’s home. SO has gone all the way to the kids’ rooms before because he’s picked them up and carried them out to the car. BM is allowed into our living room while the kids grab their backpacks and we exchange important information. Exchanges take about 5 to 10 minutes and I like the way we handle it. They see adults interact in an appropriate manner that shows respect for both parents.

Just because they are friendly doesn’t mean they are crossing the line. You seem very territorial which I understand but a living room isn’t territory. It’s a space for guest, both personal and professional. Consider them co-workers and their job is to raise the child. Would you not allow your coworker in to discuss an important project?

In the end some co-parents have to do exchanges at police stations while some do “family” vacations each year with parents and step-parents. You have the right to decide if you are comfortable with your partner’s interactions but you don’t have the right to dictate what they do. You can express your discomfort and discuss what you would like changes. He has the right to agree to adjust or say no.

Most women need to have an emotional connection before they can entertain the thought of sex. You seem to have lost the emotional and respect for him which explains you not wanting to be intimate with him. These things go hand and hand and the longer you keep accepting the BS, the worse its going to be. You have to re-evalutate your relationship because it's literally drying up as you respond to these posts.