Not really SD related but I need the advice anyway
I think this might be it, I am considering leaving my BF. When I think about it I don't even feel upset. I love him so much and I'm sure he loves me too but he doesn't always show it. I moved in with him in December 2005, I brought my two kids with me (3 and 7) and his daughter ( 8 ) comes 3 weekends a month. At first everything was great, or so I thought. He was so nice to me and helped with housework. Now, I do absolutely everything, even clean up after SD. I work the same amount of hours as he does, and then cook, clean and run all over town doing his errands. He does say he appreciates it but mostly I would just like some help. His van has had a few problems lately and we spent just over $700. in the past 2 weeks. He loves to go to poker and had already spent $80. the past week. He wanted to go last night and I said that we really didn't have the money and he should wait until next week instead. Well, he was so mad, he just sulked around the house and then went to bed at 9:00. I said "it's not my fault that your van is a piece of crap and I am not going to let you treat me like this" His reply was "I'm a selfish asshole and you should probably leave me". I asked if he did in fact want me to leave and he said "no". I really can't allow him to treat me like this though. Whenever he feels something is not going his way he won't talk to me, ignores me and the kids and of course holds out on me when it comes to sex. All I want is to be treated nicely, I really don't think that's asking too much. We make the same as far as income, when you figure in his child support and his van payment (mines paid for) I actually have more money. I only said he shouldn't go to poker as he now owes me $423. and it's getting to be more and more everyday. We used to share the money but I was tired of him using my money for child support, his "puffs", and beer so now I keep the money separate and we split on all household bills. As I said to him when I don't get my way I still keep folding his laundry and cooking and cleaning, perhaps I should become a bit selfish for a few days and we'll see how he likes it. All I would like is an appology and a promise to try a bit harder. I'm at work and figured that he would email me but he hasn't yet.
RUN
Let him go!!! Sounds like he is using the hell out of you. Please trust me when I say this. I say this out of experience with past relationships. You will never be appreciated. He knows he is being an ass with you. He admited it. Marriage to a man like that is a life sentence to nothing less than being a slave. I wasted many years of my life with a man such as yours. It may be hard at first to leave but you will have a sense of relief in the long run. Find a man who is worth your effort pleeassssssssssee!!
I Agree Cruella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasted 2 years with a loser, had a bachelors degree yet I was stupid enough to move this jerk into my home! He was older even but very immature like this guy. Not goal oriented and wanted to still take off and come and go when he felt like it. The final straw was he was bringing his kids over that his mom was raising. Apparently they were so horrible he didn't want to raise them, and he didn't want to pay his fair share while living with me. My dad knocked some sense into me and said the man is suppose to take care of the women and he should be supporting me ect. So I kicked his butt out, and found a great man and have it pretty darn good today. Today much wiser, I would never live with a man before marriage and certainly wouldn't expose my kids to anyone unless we were pretty much engaged. Guess everyone goes through their poor judgement times, but its never too late to right a wrong, or get rid of a bad bf/husband.
Thanks cruella
He does at times act very nice and loving toward me. I don't know if it's how he really feels or he is perhaps a good actor.I told him I'd love to talk to his old girlfriends and see why they had broken up. Was it because they were "nuts" as he says or did they run for the hills. I could actually talk to them although he doesn't know it. I have come across 2 of them (where we live is not a very big place) and have wanted to ask but haven't yet, mostly because I don't think I want to hear their answer. I'm waiting to hear what he has to say for himself, so far he just sent me a short email that said he was havinf a busy day and he wanted to know what I was up to.
Sounds like an apology in Manspeak.
You know they would rather be tortured than have to apologize or admit when they screwed up. His email sounds like he's testing the waters, dipping his toe in to see how cold it is. My husband does that, too. We'll get into a wicked argument about something or I'll call him on something that I think he's done "wrong" and then he sulks for the rest of the day. When he gets to work, he'll send me a little email, just to "check in" and see how my day is going. After all these years with him, I know this means he's sorry for the blowout and is trying to make peace without having to come right out and say he's sorry, but it still pisses me off. I mean - HELLO! - my day is going crappy because we got into an argument and now you're acting like nothing is wrong! Jeez! Men and money... I don't think it matters if they have any or don't have any, they are always funny about it. (Funny odd, not funny ha-ha.) It's an ego thing. I have no advice, just here to commiserate. There really is no good way to talk to a man about money, especially when he doesn't happen to have any.
~ Anne ~
Nothing can come of nothing.
(Shakespeare, King Lear)
maybe you're right
He does seem to be acting very selfish lately, I'm not really sure what's going on. I think that the emai may have been an attempt (although a very poor one) at apologizing. He had better do better than that though. The thing is that it seems to be happening more and more frequently lately. I'm just really getting tired of it.
It may not improve.....
I just ended my relationship of 3 years, with a husband, that was more than happy to have me pay the whole mortgage on the house, and all the bills. I also bought the clothes for his kids for the last year or so....yes he bought groceries and spent money on things, but mostly things for himself, tools and such.....If you subsidize him, you will end up being resentful and paying more than your fair share....I know I did, and know I will have to pay him out of the house that I owned before he showed up....luckily my name is soley on the title, so I only have to give up the increase in the value of the property from the time that he moved in.....he was a usurper.....