New and looking for advice
Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum but have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and have been in his daughter's 
for the same amount of time. He shares custody 50/50 and has a great relationship with his ex.
When I first moved in, 2 years ago, his daughter was fond of me..I was the fun new interesting person in the home. As time went on, I was just another person and sometimes not even that. Both of her parents were "pushovers" when I walked in and since I've been there my boyfriend has been more parent like with rules and such.
The problem is, there is a disconnect and it's hard not to take it personal. I have no children of my own and am 31 years old. I try with the SD by doing crafts with her, planning things to do, treating her as my own blood child. It doesn't seem to be working..I know I can't force or push anything, and I never want to. I'm just struggling with taking things personally. When she draws pictures, it's always mom and dad (mom has a live in boyfriend as well), when we sit on the couch, she moves away from me, walking in the parking lot holding hands to be safe and she never takes my hand.
I hate to sound immature, it's just extremely hard to be so accepting of a child and to have nothing in return. My boyfriend has always been extremely supportive if I lightly punish SD (tell her not to jump in the house or settle down nothing major) but I don't really have anyone to confide in when it comes to just how hard it is to be constantly rejected by a child.
Anyhow, thanks for listening..advice welcome!
Try not to take it too
Try not to take it too personally. First of all, she's 6 and it's natural for her to draw pictures of her mom and dad; to her, that's her family, even if they are not together.
My SD was 5 (now 24) when I first came into her life. I just let things progress naturally and did not force it. I was not her parent, I didn't want to be her parent, and as long as she was not disrespectful to me, I was okay with however she decided to accept me. I was fine with not being super close to her. I did not bend over backwards to "win her over". I did things with her but I did not go overboard, I only did it if I wanted to, and I expected nothing in return.
My SD was pretty quiet and shy, which could have been mistaken for rejection, had I not known better.
If the rules got a little stricter when you came onto the scene, that might have something to do with her aloofness, but as long as your BF stays consistent and backs you up, she will get used to it.
Kids that young, even if they don't remember their parents being together, don't really understand the concept of their parents being with other people. It may just feel weird to her that you are with her dad or she may feel like she's betraying her mom if she's too close to you. I don't think it's personal.
If she's not being a disrespectful brat, you're ahead of the game. If you don't feel like making the extra effort by doing crafts and stuff with her, don't do it. Don't do anything that will make you feel resentful or rejected. Just be.
Also, kids will usually follow the parent's lead so, how does your BF treat you?
Thank you, I needed that
Thank you, I needed that mature honest advice!
My boyfriend is extremely loving and supportive in general, so she sees that when she is in our home. I didn't come from an extremely loving family growing up, so sometimes I feel myself being extra careful on being too affectionate. Ex. at bedtime I just tell her goodnite, don't let the zebra (or a funny animal) bite and not so much the "I Love you".
I am trying to be as natural as possible and mature as possible, so it's really great to hear your input! I just sometimes have trouble when it seems that I am extending myself and accepting her into my life and it goes unnoticed. Thank you
I just sometimes have trouble
I just sometimes have trouble when it seems that I am extending myself and accepting her into my life and it goes unnoticed.
^^^Let that go. She doesn't see it that way, that you are extending yourself and accepting her into your life. From her perspective, YOU have come into HER life. She doesn't know for how long or really why, or what you are to her, or what. She doesn't get that she is supposed to notice your acceptance, other than being polite (because, hopefully, her parents have taught her some manners).
Believe me, you may NEVER feel appreciated or get gratitude in a step situation! That's why I say never do more for her than you feel comfortable with and want to do "just because".