I have been married for 9 years to my husband. I brought a now 18 year old son(who he adopted) into the marriage and he also brought a now almost 18 year old son in. Together we have an 8 year old boy. My husband's ex had mad our lives miserable for the last 9 years. She lives about 45 mins away(which helps) but she totally shuts my husband out of his sons life. She makes all decisions and treats him like he is unimportant(except for the check he sends every month)! In the last 4 years - we barely see my stepson at all. Usually he is here 1 night a month. Anytime my husband tries to get him here more - we hear from his ex that ss just has too much going on. When he is here, he stays in the bedroom he shares with my son and texts and call his Mom. All of this has caused my relationship with ss to disappear(We were very close when we first got married. I was a stay at home Mom and I think his Mom resented the fact that we spent a lot of time together. Both boys went to the same school and were with me every afternoon. She decided to put him in school where they live - even though she worked in our city. After that we saw him less and less. He steals from bs when he is here and ignores our rules. I know his Mom has told him he does not have to listen to me.
Anyway, both boys are graduating from high school this year. I wanted to do a combined celebration for them(ss graduates on Sat morn. & bs gradautes Sun aftn). We found out from ss that his Mom is having a brunch at her house after grad. My husband thought we would have to go. I wanted to plan a party for Sat evening with our familes. I thought the brunch would be for her and her husbands family. My husband agreed. I have since found out that my Mother in Law(lives 4 hours away) was invited to the brunch. I called to tell her we were having a party for us that evening. Even though she hated my husband's ex when they were married, we have found the ex has been sending cards, pictures, and calling behind his back. Now as upset as my husband is, there is nothing we can do about it if she decided to go to the ex's house. My husband at first said we would have to go to but he knows how his wife treats me and how uncomfortable this will make our family feel, so now he says its ok if we don't go. I'm afraid as we get closer(June 14) he is going to change his mind. I just want to hear from others about what they would do or have done in this situation. The ex always has to be in control of everything and she is a person who likes to be the center of attention. My Mother in Law is a bit the same way, which is why I think she is going. My husband's brother and sister in law(also from out of town) will be here for grad but I don't know about the brunch. Chances are Mother in law will force them to go. I would just like to have a celebration where the boys are the focus and everybody can be relaxed. Any feedback would be a help!