I was referred to this website by someone in another Step-parenting board. I just don't know what to do or what I can do about this. Thanks for all your advice!!

And sorry it's so long

Well, at first the problems I had with BM was that she would tell my SS to call me a border-jumper and stuff like that. He would come to me out of no where and say he's going to be sad when I have kids. I ask why and he says that he won't understand them because they will speak Spanish. He later tells me that his mother told him that. So right off the bat it upset me that she is teaching him to be racist. What happens when he goes to school saying things like that?? I stressed to him that that is not nice and we don't name call. He told his mom, "Mom, you can't call her a border jumper. That's not nice." Mind you he's 5 years old. And if I didn't say this before, my husband has custody and BM has visitations every other weekend. So when he acts up in school my husband and I are the ones who have to handle it. Not her.

Well, we have had a lot of problems when he comes home from her house. He is very aggressive and hits people in school. It's like clockwork, he comes home from his mom's on Mondays and when he gets out of school we get a call from the teacher and sometimes the principal. He has even struck teachers and the principal. It's really getting bad too. He bit a girl because she wouldn't listen to him. He threw a block at another girl and left a bump on her head. He doesn't listen. He's withdrawn from both my husband and I. (Usually he's really attached to me) He is whiny and cries at everything. He will ignore us and not talk at all. And if we even mention mommy he says, "We are not talking about mom!" (We'll ask if he had fun at mom's) When I put him to bed on those Mondays we cries a lot. And I just hold him while he cries. Sometimes he will get into stories with me. He'll tell me about how his mom and her husband gets into fights. He's told me, "Mom calls me a shit head." Which later my husband called her and she admitted that that's what she calls him. He's told me, "Mom said she's gonna kick your ass." And again she was called and she admitted it. She calls and talks to her mom about me and my hubby asked her to just not talk about us those 4 days a month he's over there. She said she won't do it. She'll say what she wants when she wants. SS also never comes home clean. He always has dirt caked (literally) under his armpits and under his neck. It looks like he hasn't bathed in weeks. ( I bathe him every other night unless he's sweaty, then it's every night.) He always has cuts and bruises. One time he had a two inch straight cut across his knee. She said he fell off his bike but it looked like glass or knife. Something sharp. I asked SS and he said he didn't know how it happens. Actually most questions when he gets back from her house, he answers, "I don't know." And looks down. He also complains about how she never plays with him. He plays down the road all the time with the neighborhood kids.

Then we paid for him to be in soccer this year. I copied all of the schedules and everything and gave her a copy. She yelled at my husband about how, "I didn't sleep with her to have him, she has no right talking to me." So I stopped talking to her at all. But we let her know about his soccer pictures and she said she would order pictures at the game (right before the game was the pictures) Well she didn't show up until the last 5 minutes of the game. Then two weeks later on her weekend with him, we were all at the game and me and my husband were wearing out buttons with his soccer picture. She said she wanted to buy pictures. I told her it was too late we had to prepay for them. She got pissed and said that she wants mine then. She said that, "that's how it should be." She said I'm not entitled to his pictures, but she is because she's his mother. When I am the one who takes him to every single practice and every single game. (not even my husband goes since he works all the time) But she things she deserves them over me. I told her no. (we honestly had none left.) So she calls my husband right in front of SS (in the car on the way home) and complains about how much of a bit** I am and how I need to get off my high horse. That this is her kid and I have no right to have anything of his. Just went on and on.

I also do daily lessons with him. When he started Kindergarten this year, he was way behind. So I am working hard to practice letters and numbers with him. And Fridays the teacher sends home papers to let me know what he is learning the next week, so I can prepare what to teach him. Well BM takes those papers (even though she never works with him at all) and refuses to give them to us. And there is a daily report on his behavior. I sign that every week for the teacher. Well BM decided to cross my signature off for the past 3 weeks and put hers right above it (how immature) But now I talked to the teacher about sending me home another sheet on Mondays so that I can still do my lessons.

Now I'm having the problem with headlocks. SS has been puting all the kids in the neighborhood and at school in headlocks. It drives me nuts because we don't show violence in my home. He tells me that mom's husband does it to him all the time. Again my husband doesn't say anything, like I ask him to.

Then it comes to his health. SS always comes home wheezing and everything. He tells me that his mom smokes in front of him. BM's mom and dad also smoke, drink, and smoke pot right in front of him. They always fight in front of him. (not only BM's mom and dad but BM and her husband) They always fight and he tells me the stories.

Now if this were my child and I had any legal rights, I would remove him from the situation or fight for supervised visitations only or something, but I can't do anything about it, because I am just the step mom. It drives me crazy. I love this kid to death but this woman is making it sooooo difficult to do my job. UGh...