need advice.. please
After fighting with BM for 9 yrs to get SS12 (almost 13) help for his problems, we finally spent more money than what we had to get legal custody of him and his sister. Everytime we tried to get him help she wouldnt agree to sign for it, she made it clear to the drs. that she didnt agree, and since she had shared legal custody, well it was impossible.. no one wanted to come near the kid because she threw herself all over and caused trouble.
anyways, so I take him to the drs last week, and he is now on meds for ADD and being sent to a neuropsychologist to see if he has aspergers, he also has reactive attachment disorder (if BM is anything like this one, and skids are out of control look this up) so here is the problem if we tell BM about all of this she is going to go thru the roof, tell SS that we think he is stupid and start throwing her baby fits all over the drs. office, and school.. she has no legal custody, but she will still do this..and make it hard for anyone to want to do anything with him because she is a huge pain in the ass, in her words "there is nothing wrong with my son", cuz we allll know that no one knows him better than her (did you catch the sarcasm?) if she is involved in the "process" with SS it will no doubt be lies, (she told domestic relations her daughter was dying in the hospital and she had to leave over child support.. they hated my husband) anyways, she can not seem to tell the truth, and she would paint herself as the perfect parent and us as the ones who work against her trying to help SS.. OR she will agree to help, not do it, not give him his meds, but drag us back to court to try to get custody because he could possibly get disability and she would also get childsupport (when kids were going equal time at both places husband had to pay her $200 a wk), we can not afford a lawyer, we can not afford the time to go to court... we have spent everything we have to get legal custody, and between the drs. appts and meds Ss has now we are kinda drained(insurance does not cover it all)
As ignorant as this may sound, they need to go back to her house, even though they dont have to (she gets visitation at times and places they agree).. but for me they need to go, I need at least every other weekend or I am gonna lose my effing mind!! i do want what is best for him, which would probably be not going back over there.. but I also want whats best for me.. which is him going back over there.. My 7 yr old little girl is getting her tonsils out friday, I would like to be able to concentrate on her, but cant when they are around.. and now with him on the meds its like literally all of my time is spent on him.. before he had no personality, now its coming thru and its not pretty.. he has alot of anger and alot of aggression.. and him and his sister HATE when I spend any time with my own kids.. so how should we handle this with BM?
How about if you schedule an
How about if you schedule an appointment for her to talk with the Dr. (with you guys present, of course) and have him explain everything to her? As for this weekend, could you just ask her to take him and explain that your daughter's having surgery & you'd rather him be where he'll have someone that can spend time with his as the majority of your time will be spent helping your daughter with her recovery? Don't have any ideas for how to handle the meds situation before she finds out though.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
this is hard. our BM will
this is hard. our BM will swear to the moon and back again that there is nothing wrong with SD. who cares that BF thinks there is? who cares that she cannot speak to anyone outside of the family despite beign exposed to them over YEARS. who cares that the school called to say there was a problem? who cares that the therapist SD saw ONCE said it was the most difficult child sesssion she ever had.
BM says there is nothing wrong. Therapy is stopped. she is FINE! and if you try to start...the holy hell she will brign on us all.
I empathize with you.
I have a report from the dr.
I have a report from the dr. and the school.. she has seen the report from the school, he was tested and it says his IQ is 84, which is on the low end.. she seen that and insisted that it was us, and the school.. she claims she sees nothing that is in the report.. his behavior, his blank stares, his forgetfulness... she is not a rational person, not even a little, so the taking her to the Dr. and letting the Dr explain will not do anything, she will say the same thing, she will say she does not see it (odd how everyone else sees it but her.. )
And if she knows my daughter is having surgery she will NOT get her kids.. she has done it for the past 10 yrs.. when I had my daughter on thurs, came home on friday she was sitting here with her kids, then 4 and 5 yrs old.. she knew I had the baby she was not even suppose to bring skids til Wed., when she was asked to keep them when I had my tubes tied, she brought them, when my daughter had a baby she refused to take them, when my other son had tonsils out she wouldnt take them.. its kinda like a little jab with her.. so I really dont want her to know about the surgery!
My stress level is at an all time high.. biologically I have a 21 and 19 yr old, then a 9 and 7 yr old, and lets not forget the 3 wk old princess grand daughter, 2 skids both have reactive attachment disorder SS is worse, a dog with adhd and separation anxiety, and a husband who is working 10 hours a day.. I tried to work, but am getting no help with the kids or house .. oh and someone is coming to put in new carpet in a week or so in most of the house so I have to find somewhere to put all the furnature and get the old up, I have tons of drs appts, most of them are at least an hour away.. because we live in the middle of nowhere.. so I am a little stressed.