Need advice Please
My SS and I get along great sometimes but he plays his dad and I don't know what to do. My husband gets his son every week for 48 hours. He gets here and he is mean to my son by hitting, pinching and biting. I asked him to eat his food yesterday and he told me "no" I don't have to listen to you. Therefore I walk away every time because my husband and I argue about it all the time. Like today when his dad left to do some work it was lunch time my ss ate all of his food and at dinner he ate all of his food there also. What would you guys do about it if it was in your hands? I don’t know what to do about it. Tonight when I was cooking dinner my ss grabbed my son by the face and was hitting my sons head against the floor. I told my husband about it and he said did you spank him I said no cause you get mad at me I just sent him to time out. My son is 2 yrs old and ss is 3 1/2.
Take charge..
If your DH isn't going to dicipline when SS is misbehaving, especially if it involves hurting another child, you need to do it! Part of the reason SS is not listening to you is that you are going to DH whenever something happens, expecting him to handle it. You need to gain SS respect by letting him know that you are in charge. Have a chat with your DH, and see what his thoughts are on you diciplining SS. Once you agree on what the dicipline technique will be, BE CONSISTANT and follow through every time. I do think there are times when a step parent should step back and let the bio parent handle certian issues, but SS hurting your son is not one of them. SS needs to know that behavior like that is not acceptable and there will be consequences if he behaves that way.
As far as the eating issue - this is what we did with my SD... Meals use to be a constant battle.. DH's way of yelling was not working.. SD would just end up in tears. I pulled DH aside one night and told him, "your way is not working, now its time to try mine".. We told SD that from now on she was expected to eat a reasonable amount at dinner time. If she did not eat, she did not get any snack or dessert before bed.. (having Oreos before bed was a cheerished routine for her so this was a big deal) There were times when she went to bed hungry, and there were times that her dinner plate would get put in the fridge for later. We stuck with the new rule and it worked great! No more arguing.. we just remind her of the rule and that was that. Good luck!
Just My opinion but Protect your son first
I realize you are married and have vows with your husband and that your SS is only 3 BUT my personal belief is that your #1 responsibility is to your child. He has no other protector. I was in a situation similar to yours a long time ago and left. I never regretted it and my situation was worse then you describe of yours, however, there is no way you should ever tolerate your child being hit, bitten and having his head banged on the floor ESPECIALLY problematic in my opinion is that this is happening in your house - the one place on earth your child should feel safe. Maybe you all should look into temporary measures to keep the children at a safer distance and start dealving into what is going on with your SS to act this way. Your SS is acting out for SOME REASON...does he need alone time with your DH? Maybe for a while if you could limit the times you are all together with no structure. In other words, maybe when your SS is over, you don't cook big meals but go out to dinner where you can have peaceful times in a place that both you and your DH can give full attention to the kids ensuring everyone is having a good time...ie., no head banging, biting, etc. I wish you much luck but will tell you that your child needs your protection above all.