My mom knows more, so Ill just ask her
My DH the BF of SD7 has her 50/50 every other week. I met her before she was 2. She has this new thing where she asks me a question. I'll answer her with an accurate and scientific explanation. Then she will say "well I'll just ask my mom since she knows more about it because she is a (insert job title)" she does the same thing saying she will just ask SF because he knows more about______ because he's a ____ after either me or DH answers her question. Whatever! I'm tempted to just direct her "why don't you just ask your mom or SF since they know EVERYTHING!" anytime she asks us questions. Even though the things they tell her are almost 90% of the time innacurate. I wonder if it's from them saying "I know more about _____ than SM or BF because..." I don't know if she could come up with it on her own. Anyone have any advice or opinions how to shut that behavior down? I want her to be able to ask questions, but not let her get away with implying our answers aren't right/good enough and saying she will JUST ask someone else.
My first instinct, is to say
My first instinct, is to say that a seven-year-old girl wouldn't use this particular tactic to deliberately try to upset you - almost sounds like she's trying to engage you in some form of conversation, and does want to know what you think, BUT is getting backlash from the bio mom's house about asking you questions... By adding that she will confirm everything with her mom or her stepfather, she isn't being disloyal to her mom by asking questions.
I have a stepson 15 who showed the same kind of traits. Everything that his mother says, no matter how absurd, is fact. When he was younger, I would just look things up in order to show him the truth - that way the truth wasn't coming for me, it was coming from an objective source.
Maybe the next time she asks you a question, you could say "let's go look that up!" Take her over to a laptop or use your smart phone, look it up, and voilà! Suddenly you're not an idiot anymore lol!
I'd start answering with,
I'd start answering with, "well, your mom is a ________ so maybe you should ask her about that" About everything.
"Why is the sky blue?"
"Well, your mom is a _______ so maybe you should ask her about that"
"How far is it from here to there?"
"well, your mom is a _______ so maybe you should ask her about that"
"Is apple juice made from real apples?"
"well, your mom is a _______ so maybe you should ask her about that"
Especially hilarious if it has NOTHING to do with what she does!
Is this an insert the best
}:) }:) }:)
Is this an insert the best fitting word into the blanks game?
I have SOOOOO many things I want to put in that space it would be so hard not to.
(sorry OP - just reading this with the blank spaces gave me an OT laugh)
I agree with the poster who said look stuff up with her.
Or the above just for giggles
In a sad way I feel fortunate
In a sad way I feel fortunate this wouldn't happen with my SS. Simply because he knows that his bubba has gone to school longer than BM did, and at some point it came up to him asking DH why BM didn't finish school at a pick up - so it didn't come from us. DH then told SS that he guessed BM just had a hard time but not to worry we would help him do well just like his older brother.
He has also told us that BM has banned him from most questions telling him that she is busy, or that he asked to many so to be silent. The bad thing is he ask about stuff works, and most questions I wouldn't have imagined asking at 6 -- if I don't know I tell him that it may be a better topic for DH, or whoever would know me. I feel bad for the kid.
I agree with Sparkle why not get her to go look it up with you, so that even if you know the answer you are eliminating her feeling in the middle of a competition of you and BM.
In fact, every answer from
In fact, every answer from now on should just be: "Do you know how to Google? If not, I am sure your MOM could tell you since she is a Burger Flipper."
Thanks! Most of the time I do
Thanks! Most of the time I do say "ok" and just leave it at that. It's just annoying to have answers followed up with that response. I don't think it's wrong for kids to be curious and get information from several sources. I think a lot of the time BM does give wrong answers though just so she can disagree with me or DH. Ridiculous.
Also I have done the look up info thing. SD has said "will this food make me fat, my mom doesn't want me eating anything that will make me fat so I can stay skinny" and "mom says all the food at my dad's house is not good for me". (Food is always an argument ugh, way to create eating issues in your 7yo) So I printed out a food pyramid so she can see how the "healthy" or "unhealthy" (not "fat" or "skinny")food she is eating fits into it and how much we should be eating. Anytime she is curious about food I tell her to look it up on the pyramid!
I guess depending on the question I may still tell her "ask your mom, she's a ..." lol
No I haven't read the book.
No I haven't read the book. There's no doubt that she tries to undermine him. The worst is with medical things when we follow recommendations from pediatrician and SD says "mom and SF said I don't need to take that medicine anymore" so she's not doing it at both houses and becomes less effective. They have even stopped antibiotics in mid treatment because BM thinks SD doesn't need it. Everyone knows you have to finish full dosage for it to work! BTW BM works in the healthcare industry.
I google everything and when
I google everything and when I don't know an answer, I look it up for SS8. It made my heart smile one day when he said that he hoped he was as smart as me when he graduated school.
that's sweet - I always turn
They both answered, "To YOU!"
We had a similar issue when
We had a similar issue when SD12 when she was 10 and SD8 was 7. They asked questions they already knew answers to, as an apparent effort to interact with adults, and satisfy their need for sole attention.
Give the same answer over and over and over and OVER in a dispassionate voice. Took about nine months but this how it worked for us then, and how it works now:
THEN:
SD10: Are we going to the movie tonight at 7pm, Tabby?
Tabby: yes we are
5 minutes later
SD10: Is the movie at 7?
Tabby: yes, it starts at 7
5 minutes later
SD10: The movie is tonight, right? I was thinking it was.
Tabby: Yes, it's tonight. At 7.
5 minutes later
SD10: Are all of us going to the movie tonight at 7, Tabby?
Tabby: Yes all of us are going. To the movie. At 7. Tonight.
That $hit got old.
NOW
SD10: Are we going to the movie tonight at 7pm, Tabby?
Tabby: yes we are all going to the movie tonight at 7pm.
5 minutes later
SD10: Is the movie at 7?
Tabby: You already have that answer to that.
5 minutes later
SD10: The movie is tonight, right? I was thinking it was.
Tabby: You already have the answer to that.
5 minutes later
SD10: Are we all going to the movie tonight at 7, Tabby?
Tabby: You already have the answer to that.
Dispassionate. Repetitive. If they ask you to repeat your answer, don't. It works!
Sometimes my SDs slip up now 2 years later and will catch themselves first and say, "Oh wait I already have the answer to that don't I?" I just smile.
"I'm not sure, SD7. You should ask your mom/DH."