My Baby Mama situation...
I am new to this, so here goes:
I am a 25 year old stepmother to a 9 year old girl. There are many issues surrounding this, but today I will focus on the most obvious one: The Baby Mama. I really seem to resent her presence in my our lives. I am a naturally jealous person, so the situation has been very difficult. I feel she is too close and tries to hang on too much with my in laws, calls my husband unnecessarily (like to ask him what games to get her husband for his xbox for christmas, or to tell him that the Cubs won). I feel that she is re married with another child, and needs to go on with her life and let me take my place in my husbands life where is should be.
There are jealousy issues with myself that I recognize. Some things cannot be brushed off and need to be addressed, but I sometimes let my emotions get the best of me and don't know how to pick my battles.
Also, my husband doesn't seem to try to understand my feelings very much in the situation, except for when he is mad at her, then it's okay to say whatever I want. If there are no issues between them and I am irritated with something she said or did, then he just rolls his eyes and doesn't listen to how whatever she said or did makes me feel.
The whole situation is needs to be brought under control, because I really don't want to lose five years of my life because of someone else who isn't even in the relationship.
Wow - I don't think all of
Wow - I don't think all of the issues are because of jealousy. BM really doesn't need to be calling your DH for advice on getting her husband a gift or to talk about the cubs game. She has a husband.
Her calling about issues with her daughter is however a different story in my opinion. I think alot of crazy BMs do things like that to get under the new wife's skin and cause friction. They know they would not like it if it were to happen to them.
DH needs to put some type of boundary there and support you in your stance on that situation.
My philosopy is this - when a man and wife get married they become allies in all things - and the loyalty is to lie there in that marriage.
Ex's hold no place in the marriage and have no say so about what goes on in the marriage. Unless their kids are negatively affected. Other than that - they for whatever reason are not with the child's parent in a relationship and need to respect that boundary....... it just makes things easier all the way around.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
I completely agree, and my
I completely agree, and my husband understands there should be boundaries. He doesn't call her for crap or hang out with her family, or even really acknowledge her existence unless necessary. It's just he doesn't always tell her about where her boundaries are. I think sometimes he thinks it's just easier to not say anything than to start a fight by telling her about herself. Sometimes the BM can be ok, other times she can just be downright petty and ridiculous.
I don't mind if she calls about issues related to "the chipmunk" (my pet name for sd), because that's understandable. She sometimes just wants to know too much about OUR life together.
One thing we did to resolve the unnecessary phone calls and such was for Christmas we bought chipmunk a cellphone. Now if she wants to just talk to her dad, she has her own phone. There should now be no more ridiculous texts/late night calls because we will now know who is calling, and it better not be BM's number popping up.
That said, I am hoping the issues get better, but my sd is only 9, that's still half way to 18. I'm hoping once she graduates HS the BM will be almost a non factor.
Here's a thought. If your
Here's a thought. If your husband has caller id, just don't answer the phone when BM calls. She can leave a message, and if it's about the kids, then he can call her back. Email works the same way. Just don't respond. My BD is an adult now and I STILL do this, and my ex isn't even that bad a guy. I just don't want to talk to him unless I have to.