Mommy Dearest and SD18 Saga - Drama Continues Sigh
Since my last post, there has been much back and forthing between DH's lawyer and BM's lawyer regarding BM's demand for CS to continue claiming that SD18 was back in school in a special program to get her high school diploma. It's a self paced program but with a full time schedule - we're still not quite sure how that constitutes as a full time educational program as the school is not able to share any information about SD's program since she has not provided the school with consent to share information with DH. BM's lawyer's initial response was that SD was in a special full time program to get credits for her diploma (per previous posts, SD has never completed a year of high school) and that she has "many health issues that she is working on" but should they not be fixable, then she would be deemed to be non-self sufficient and DH would have to pay CS indefinitely. This was news to both DH and I. Other than a back issue that SD has that can be prevented by getting off her butt and doing something other than smoking weed all day and also some physiotherapy which she refuses to do, the only other "health" issue is that she has ADHD which she is on medication for.
DH's lawyer let BM's lawyer know that per the current agreement, the onus is on BM to provide proof of enrollment in a full time educational program as well as for DH to have access to SD's attendance records. And as for the "health issues" that BM's lawyer is claiming, DH's lawyer also requested a letter from SD's doctor stating what SD's health issues are, the treatment(s) that she is undergoing and the prognosis for them within 30 days. DH's lawyer also let BM's lawyer know that should BM want to go to court to attempt to get DH's wages garnished (she threatened to do this), then to be advised that his client will be paying for DH's legal fees.
Interestingly enough, BM's lawyer who came in hot and attempting to claim that DH did not support SD's education and doesn't want to pay CS (which is the farthest from the truth), next response was to try and explain the education program that SD is now in and that she does not have to share her school files with either of her parents. No mention of the health issues as he tried to claim in his initial response. DH's lawyer responded that its in the agreement between DH and BM, that DH is following it and if CS is to be paid, then he is to have access to SD's attendance records. He then provided a consent letter for both BM and SD to sign and provide the school. DH's lawyer feels that they will push back on this. To which I said, "if they have nothing to hide, then signing the consent form and giving DH access to SD's attendance records, shouldn't be a problem." That was the week before the Christmas holidays. No word from BM's side since.
Just over a year ago, DH reached out to SD's previous high schools (she went to two) to get her transcripts and attendance records. We have let DH's lawyer know that we have these and they show that she has not completed a year of high school in 4 years, the number of absences for three of the 4 years averaging 64 school days missed/year, and last year the high school unenrolled her because she stopped going in March. DH's lawyer was suprised and didn't realize how bad it was until we provided him this information (this information has not been shared with BM or her lawyer, she does not know that we have this information). DH's lawyer stated that should it be deemed that school program is full time, and DH ends up having to pay CS, then the attendance records come into play - that should she miss alot of school, then BM would have to either give DH a credit or refund him for any CS paid. I told DH's lawyer that she will never refund him - that the money doesn't even go towards SD.
As well, we believe that BM did not share with her lawyer that she lied about SD attending school in October and November of this year and that she had someone at the school provide DH with a letter claiming that SD was participating in full time studies since October 4. DH called the school to find out how this letter could be written and signed when he knew for a fact that SD was not going to school at that time. The Principal even confirmed that SD had only been enrolled to start December 2 (which she missed her first day of school). But the principal could not provide DH any further information about SD's program with out her consent. We have all of this in writing as well.
And over the holidays, I saw SD briefly and after she said hello, she made a point of stating that she had completed 4 credits. All I could say was oh that's nice, how many more credits do you have left to get? And her response was, "I have no idea" and then she proceeded to get on her phone and send a text (assuming to BM). I find it interesting that she could finish 4 credits in less than 3 weeks in a self paced program when we know she doesn't attend every day and there is no virtual component? And how do you not know how many credits you have left to get your diploma at the age of 18? Very weird.
And finally, our grand daughter (5 yrs old), daughter of SS who passed away two years ago, blurted out to me that grandpa cheated on grandma BM didn't he? I was almost fell off my chair when she said that. 1) He did not cheat on BM; 2) Why on earth would BM talk about how she used to be with DH and lie about that to her 5 year old grandchild?; 3) She's 5 - and doesn't even know what cheating means (she asked me what it meant - I did not tell her and changed the subject). It's one thing to go around gaslighting DH and I (she always has being a classic narcissist) but to try poisoning your grand daughter against her grand father at such an early age? This woman is sick. Really really sick.
So sorry this mess is not getting resolved.
So sory this mess is not getting resolved. At least it seems like you have a good lawyer. In this type of situation you need a strong lawyer who isn't going to back down on anything.
Rip out BM's lying throat.
Rip out BM's lying throat. Even with the 5yo. No little one, Grandpa did not cheat on GrandMa. Grandma cheated on Grandpa. That means that she was hugging and kissing someone else. Here are the papers that show that is the case (Roll out the divorce decree, CO, etc...). Do this periodically as GSKid grows up and make sure that BM gets smacked in the face with everyone knowing the facts, truth, and reality as GSKid is kept up to speed in an age appropriate manner. When GSKid turns 18, gift her a full set of notarized copies of every bit of WombGrandHags ass baring fact.
Tolerate none of the lying, self delusional bullshit from BM or from SD. Let them rot like the compost that they are.
Grrrrrr!
Some places disabled kids
Can be on CS forever. You need to be on top of this. And try to strop it. Once on it will be difficult to get her off. She SD must file papers with the proper government agency to disability payments . CS payments should go to directly to SD who's a adult not to BM. If BM is a Guardian of support money. Then she must keep people records of how the money is spent. Rent is $1,000. There are 10 rooms in the house SD rent is $100.
Yes, SD has mentioned to me
Yes, SD has mentioned to me that she may go on disability (here in Ontario-Canada) and work part time. So far she has not gone that route (that we know of). However, BM needs to find a doctor who is willing to sign off on a lie for SD to get approved to be on disability.
A friend of ours works with social services, and told DH and I that once and if SD goes on disability, then DH won't have to pay CS. I asked if she was sure of this, to which she said yes she was. However, we are waiting to hear back from our lawyer on this just to be on the safe side.
Time to go full court press to end CS.
SD is 18 and not a full time student. From what I can discern, in Canada that means she is done and off of the daddy CS tit.
She does not have a Dx'd disability, she is not a full time student. So, make this the hill to die on to make sure that your DH never is on the hook to continue to augment BM's lifestyle.
If at some point there is logically legitimate issues, you and DH should then discuss and agree on any support for SD making sure that note on Canadian Cent in any way benefits BM. Do not even give it directly to SD who in all likelihood will just hand it to mommy anyway. Pay vendors directly in a way that any attempt to return what you provide will credit back to your account and not go to SD or BM in any way.
We learned this expensive lesson with my DW's Unicorn Cousin. Quick explanation of the Unicorn Cousin designation. DW's BioDad was killed in a single car accident just before my MIL found out she was pregnant with my DW. He and MIL were married and he was in the US Military so MIL received survivor benefits until she remarried and DW received VA benefits until she married me. Unicorn Cousin was her eldest cousin on the deceased BioDad's side of DW's family. MIL and my FIL married when my DW was 2mos old. He raised DW as his own and his eldest. DW has 3 younger sibs.
Unicorn Cousin and DW were exceptionally close growing up and as young adults. Unfortunately Unicorn Cousin made a stupid choice in a DH and sadly started periodically approaching DW to guilt her into sending UC money. First was $2K that was a loan and supposed to be paid back in $200 monthly payments with 0% interest. UC was about to be evicted, they could not pay their utilities bills, the kids were starving, the usual pluck the heartstrings manipulative bullshit. We got one check followed a couple of days later by a call begging us not to cash it. That was last we saw of our money. A few years later UC called DW crying that her DH had threatened her, pulled a gun on her, and she needed to get herself and her boys away from him. UC begged us for money for a deposit on an apartment. Not being stupid, DW paid the deposit directly to the apartment complex. She did it via direct payment rather than via credit card. UC went to the office, canceled her application and the complex management office gave her a cash refund of our money. The next weekend UC was posting pics of her and her HS BFFs frolicking on the beach on a girls trip.
Discretion being the better part of valor, never, ever, ever, give any form of self determination to these types when it comes to help. Lock it down so tight that they could not fart it out if it was a mustard seed. Own their asses, control everything, and do whatever legal tactic you can to end any responsibility for a SKidult.
She is 18, a HS drop out. So do the paperwork to have her made a ward of the Province if she is truly not capable of self care. Which IMHO based on the info provided, is complete bullshit that BM is playing to keep a CS paycheck flowing into her own coffers and is not in any way beneficial to this tragically PAS'd kid.