MIL not letting go of BM
Does anybody else have problems with their MIL being obsessed with theBM. Mine is just in love with her.she always finds a way to bring her into the conversation. I know she tells her everything that is going on in our lives. I feel like its a constant competition. She sent ne a picture of bm's xmss lights and said 'you better get some up before ss gets here'. Even to the point she told me BM and her bf are planning on getting emgaged and mil said 'she will beat u at thus rate (ive been waiting over 6 years for a proposal).
She even takes bm side over bd (her own son) and always defends bm. I HATE it. I dread seeing her because i know she is going to talk about bm.
The problem is mil is a lovely person and i dont think she does it to hurt me she just doesnt think before she speaks. Ive heard her do it to my sister in law who is also a step parent.
Ps am so glad i found this site i no longer think im crazy!!
"(MIL), I have no interest in
"(MIL), I have no interest in hearing anything about (BM). You frequently bring her up in conversation and going forward I would much rather focus our conversations on our relationship or any other topic that does not include (BM) as a subject. I have no interest in (BM) what so ever. Your son and I are making a life together for ourselves and the Skids that does not include (BM) in any way. Going forward I will not participate in any conversation that has anything to do with (BM). I am far more interested in what is going on in your life and with our family."
That ought to solve the problem. If MIL ever brings BM up again in conversation after you deliver this or a similar message just say "Next topic or this conversation is over. As I told you before, I will not hear or speak of BM."
MIL will catch a clue eventually if you stay on message.
Well, you are crazy if you
Well, you are crazy if you think your MIL is a lovely person who doesn't know what she's doing.
What does your BF think of all this?
Well i havent really told BF
Well i havent really told BF how much it bugs me so he isn't to blame. A lot of the time it is when we are conversing by email. Or other times she has done it in front of him and he tells her bluntly he doesnt care and changes the subject. I have been waiting for her to do it in front of him again so I can have a reason to bring it up and say this needs to stop.
My MIL was like this. And
My MIL was like this. And not so much BM is great but just talking about her all the time and sometimes about how they would hang out. Now, I know better because BM has told me personally that she can't stand MIL but I keep that to myself. What happened in my situation is that I grew cold on MIL. I would be very kind and enjoy time with her and the minute she'd bring up BM, I'd bail or go cold as in stop talking, leave the room, leave the situation. Eventually some things clued her in that she needed to shut her mouth.
First, the DAY DH and I got engaged, we happened to be going through a custody battle with BM. I say we because I was involved way more than I should have been. His Mom starts crying and saying we needed to accept BM because she was family and the skids mom. I turned on my heel and slammed the door. I insisted that he needed to go to lunch ALONE with his mother (we were supposed to go together) and explain ALL the shit BM had put us through for years. He did. He said he did. That night, he took out he engagement ring that he bought 4 months prior and asked me to marry him. I have no idea why he chose that day.
Next, a few months later, she brought up BM 2 times in front of my family and their trips to take skids to get icecream and how much fun they had. My family knows what BM has been like up to this point and couldn't pick up their jaws from the table after hearing her go on and on. And they became notably upset with speaking with her and immediately started complimenting me for all I do for skids and DH.
The truth is - I should not have waited for others to stick up for me. I should have said something myself.
I'm sorry, did everyone else
I'm sorry, did everyone else miss this?...
(ive been waiting over 6 years for a proposal)
:jawdrop:
WHAT? Do you mean you are literally waaaaaaaiiiiiiiting for him to propose or you mutually have put it off together?
I just mean we have been
I just mean we have been together 6 years and he hasnt proposed...
Are you okay with that? Is
Are you okay with that? Is that an issue? Do you WANT to be married? I mean, I'm on year two, and I'm just thinking if bf doesn't figure things out in the next year or two...I don't think I could make it six...
Well obviously i want to be
Well obviously i want to be married. But we have talked about it and i know he will do it when he is ready. I dont see the point in being married just because i pressured him into it. And i also dont see the point in ending a happy relationship because he hasnt proposed.