Maximum PAS and skid not sleeping over
I was wondering if any of your skids are experiencing this extreme PAS....
So, SD12 hasn't slept over our house in 2 years. Prior to that, she slept at our house with zero issues for an entire year.
I literally watched the change take place....it was Christmas Eve..DH was supposed to have kids during this particular Christmas and it would have been BM's first Christmas Eve without her kids...SD was so happy and excited for Christmas and we were having a great day...and a great year leading up to this...she loved staying with us. Of course BM just had to involve herself and DH allowed BM to come get skids for 2 hours on Christmas Eve around 5 pm to go to church.....SD12 cheerfully left knowing she'd be coming right back after church..skipping smiling happy kid walked out the door.....well when she came back 2 hours later she was as white as a ghost and crying and did not speak.....of course now instead of staying at our as house as planned and like she had for the last year....she was crying to go back to BM's......crying...pacing....shaking....praying......so of course DH took her back.....and that was that....never again has she spent the night.....also on the chopping block was DH's mom...her grandma....SD12 would spend the night weekly with her....but that ended also.....
So there is the background....but here is how bad it is. When BM goes out of town.....do you think SD12 stays with us? Do you think she stays with DH's mom? NO! SD12 will only stay with BM's brother or sister and BM makes sure that is who she stays with.
Lets say its DH's day (they have 50/50)...he usually picks up SD12 from school or from BMs depending on the day of the week and then drives her back to BMs around 9 PM, rinse and repeat. Now lets say BM is out of town.......instead of dropping SD12 at BM's (cause she is not home)at night.... he literally takes HIS OWN kid on HIS weekend and drops her off to sleep at BMs brothers or sisters house.
This is totally extreme. The kid is terrified to sleep at our house in fear her mother will unleash on her. DH has given up and I honestly don't blame him. On the handful of times SD12 has tried to sleep over in the last 2 years...she doesn't make it past 8 PM before she is crying...pacing...praying...sick.....so back she goes.
Now, all of that being said.....if we are on vacation...SD12 is happy as can be...no crying...no pacing...no sickness...she doesn't even call BM when were are on vacation. So it's definitley associated with our house....after that Christmas eve SD12 also stopped taking her shoes off at the house or eating with everyone at the dining table or even going upstairs at all to where her room used to be....she just sort of sits quietly at the house waiting to go back to BMs.Well not that quiet, every 10 minutes she says "when are you taking me back to moms" "when are you taking me back to moms" when are you taking me back to moms"
I just wanted to share....since i really did have a front row seat and saw PAS unfold right before my eyes that Christmas Eve.
The kid needs therapy......but that won't happen. Add in that BM is a fall down drunk who just the other day.....the kids couldn't wake her up to get to school b/c she was so hungover after a night a raging on the kids at 1 am and waking them up to screm at them......so they got to skip school....brilliant BM.
Thanks for listening lol
This is not the choice of
This is not the choice of either the SKids or the BM. Daddy needs to grow some balls and enforce his CO'd visitation rights.
Period.
The manipulated SD needs to sit in front of daddy and cry until she purges on what BM did to her.
I get that parents are subject to all kinds of shitty decisions when their kids bust out with the tears but... if they are truly adults the parents can utilize intellect through he tears of the spawn.
Time for SD to surrender her phone upon arrival with her time with dad and not get it back until she is leaving to return to BM. That way BM cannot pollute the SKid on dad's time.
I totally agree 100% with you
I totally agree 100% with you. Unfortunately, it will never happen. DH was hoping that it would pass on her own time and she'd eventually want to sleep over, but I honestly don't ever see it changing. I'm guessing its very hard to be a child of divorce living with an alcoholic vindictive mother.....SD12 (I think) thinks she is her moms safekeeper......since mom is drunk all the time...she is also crying all the time and sobbing and screaming over the divorce and daddy's "new family". DH knows all of this.......and I'll never know why he allows it....but I do think someday in the future he will have a lot of regrets.
BM actually got so drunk that she shoved SD16 in the back while screaming at her......after she barged into her room at 1 AM on a school night and woke her up. So....I have a DH who is afraid to address this with BM b/c SD16 will be mad at him....and I'll be honest....if he did say something to BM this would backfire on DH....it sucks but it's just the way it is. So he just keeps his mouth shut and lets whatever happens...happen.
DH does not have to say a
DH does not have to say a word to BM. DH needs to call CPS and report every bit of BM's shit every time she does it. He can show SD any number of laws and regulations that require abuse to be reported. He has no choice. That is the card I would play if I were DH. He can even call the school report it to the school. They are obligated to report it to CPS.
BM needs to learn to pull her head out of her ass and out of a bottle or suffer so miserably that she would do anything to avoid abusing her kid or drinking. DH needs to make damned sure that his kid is with him ever minute provided by the CO. If BM ends up drinking herself to death while SD is with her father... good riddance. Not that I would wish that on any kid. To make sure the Skid does not find mommy pickled for eternity BM needs to be the one to pick the Skid up from NCP visitation. That way if she is sauced, DH can call the police and withhold his daughter due to the danger of riding with a drunk who is under the influence.
Oh please, it doesn't work
Oh please, it doesn't work that way.
Men fight and fight and fight for their rights in court and BMs win. Kids refuse visitation all the time, it goes to court, and BMs win. Or the court tells them to send the kid overnight, they refuse and nothing happens.
And punishing the kid for being manipulated by her mother is not the solution either. Parental alienation is a tough issue that the courts don't understand.
totally agreed. My DH is
totally agreed. My DH is around courts/judges/lawyers alot for work....he knows the drill which is another reason why he will not do anything besides sit back and watch.
Exactly, he's wise. People
Exactly, he's wise. People who've never dealt with this side of parental alienation think it's so easy to "enforce your rights" - well, if you have a penis, it's not. And honestly, women get alienated from their kids, too, and they have no better luck. Alienating parents will do whatever they need to do to "win", including destroying their own child in the process.
dad needs to put her in
dad needs to put her in therapy.. he needs to enforce his visitation.. and not cave in.
Time to step up. Dad needs
Time to step up. Dad needs to remove his kids from the abusive house! It takes time and effort but she is so young and will appreciate knowing that he cared enough to fight for her. I would recommend haved SD see a counselor and DH seeing a lawyer.
it will never ever happen...
it will never ever happen....none of the above.
This is "normal" to these lunatics. Only difference is when DH was married to BM...he was the one getting abused...he is the one she screamed at and shoved....now he is gone...and it's the kids. But don't worry....everytime BM freaks out on the kids...she takes them somehwhere fun the next day and buys them stuff and promises them vacations......
Don't try to fight for
Don't try to fight for custody, he will lose his money and SD will stop coming over all together. He should push her to stay overnight, though - but not in a punitive way.
A therapist is a good idea, except that BM will undoubtedly insert herself into it.
he does try and get her to
he does try and get her to stay the night...but she never makes it past 8 pm without being "sick". But like I said, if we go on vacation she obviousley spends the night with us with ZERO issues for anywhere from 5 to 7 days in a row....but she will NOT spend the night at our house the night before we leave for vacation......I was proud of her DH on our last vacation though....she was supposed to stay over the night before and then the crying and sickness started so back to BM she went....he told SD and BM that if SD wasn't standing on our front porch by 630 AM we were leaving without her......
I can't even imagine a therapist....BM wouldn't even allow SD to talk to someone without her present...and the moment any blaim got thrown at BM the kid would be pulled anyway. BM would go to a therapist only if the therapist said that BM is perfect and DH is the cause of all problems. haha so it would be a waste of everyones time.
Our BM is an evil witch and
Our BM is an evil witch and resorted to telling SD she was dying to make SD feel sorry for her.
We live in a dad-friendly county and DH got custody, but SD is very badly damaged. So much so, that I cannot stand to be around her.
It is true, some parents will eat their own young.
Lol hubbys exwife pulled the same shit
Claimed she was about to die from an imaginary illness that no dr or specialist can detect. According to all scans and xrays she is 100% perfect
buuuutttt she has an inkling she will die any moment. She even faked a i can’t walk syndrome and got a walking stick and played this charade for 2 + yrs, then went to a witch dr with her current husband and told 2 sds that daddy did black magic on her...
then sd’s questioned her about the lies she made up of me and hubby, there were too many inconsistencies and so she claimed to be a born again religious person and convinced the 2 brainwashed sd’s how changed she was and dad should get over her nasty crap...
Your DH is doing this to himself.
He letting BM and DD run his life. Until like he puts his foot down and stop the craziness, it will continue, most likely get worst as time goes on. There nothing you can do,
One of my SSs is totally PA'd
One of my SSs is totally PA'd out, but still comes to our home EOWE and makes drama.
He and his brother were going to therapy briefing, because BM was convinced that if they saw a counselor they could tell DH "how they really feel"...in her mind, that meant that they would both tell DH he was a terrible person and so mean to BM. When they didn't say that to the counselor...or to DH in his sessions with one SS...she abruptly stopped therapy. DH only found out because his went to his final joint session and the counselor said something about how neither child was going to see her anymore. This was after BM screamed and cried about how it was "an emergency" that both children receive counseling and how she was going to take DH to court if they didn't agree to a counselor before their scheduled mediation (a mediation scheduled under the guise of reducing one SS's time with DH and getting both SSs into counselor, but which was really about more money for BM). The children went to about six sessions each before stopping.