Lost on how to handle
Sm of 10 years of 2 sds now 14 and 16..
idk how to handle it really. The kids mom reached out to me saying she will do anything to make things right. She was very vulnerable and said she misses me as a friend and truly wants our kids to all know each other. my dh and i have a 2 year old.. we haven't seen them in a few years except sd14 6 months ago but its random.. bm Kept apologizing nonstop. Admitting her kids have issues.She told me about the madness of 14 year old breaking things, trying to kill herself then blamed someone for cutting her,sneaking out and punching her mother and her mom called the cops to restrain her...cops are still coming to their home, and new mental diagnosis im very worried on getting involved again. Shes now getting divorced so maybe she's reaching out needing help. I've always cared about the girls but for years we have been tossed to the side and I've lost all trust.
The older one made up lies about DH and I saying we locked her out of the house in the winter ...now diagnosed with HF autism. Seems she blames her autism for her poor behavior. I honestly feel bad for her. Constantly picked on and struggles so much socially. Their mom really wants to start over w us but I am scared. I dont want issues at our house. I had to call a lawyer when cps came around. Dh is so hurt and doesn't know what to do and keeps asking me. We have a very calm household now so im worried about what we would be inviting back in our home. Am I horrible?
Apart of me wishes things would go back to the way they were but im truly afraid of issues in our home. Older one is now seeing a phyciatrist but I still worry.
No no no! Do you really want
No no no! Do you really want to be involved in nonstop drama and possible Cps involvement? You do know they'll take your toddler away if they believe the skids if they make stuff up? Please think of your child. Being involved with skids has proven to be a mess and will affect her negatively. Do you really want that? BM IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Omg I just realized I put my
Omg I just realized I put my dhs name in this. Can someone help me on how to edit thie?? Please??
Changed to DH.
Changed to DH.
You can't edit forums -
You can't edit forums - message Aniki and she can fix it. Or flag it and hopefully she will reach out to you to see why.
Sounds like BM screwed up the kids, turned them against you two, and now regrets being stuck with the monsters she created. If she's been high conflict then it very much might be about her divorce. Let her put the kids in therapy and demonstrate that she really wants change before you open the door to her and the kids. Her pressuring you to give in sounds like more of the same.
Tog has beaten me to it
I was going to write pretty much the same thing as Tog. This BM has completely messed up her kids and now they are big enough to really cause trouble she wants to off load it on you.
You can feel bad for her but I wouldn't take on the work of fixing the mess she has created. As you've said in earlier blogs, you are a nurse and you want to hold onto your licence. Think about how the SDs could really make that impossible.
sounds like her kids are too
sounds like her kids are too big of an issue for her now and she wants you guys back in the picture because she can't cope with the monsters she created.
Look, you don't want issues,
Look, you don't want issues, you don't need issues. Do not allow them back in your home. The time CPS was called should have been the end ... definitively. You cannot risk your toddler being taken away by CPS if the skids pull another stunt like that and you cannot risk your livelihood either. It's time to put yourself and your family first - it isn't selfish, it's called self-preservation. Having said that, your DH should be perfectly free to see his children elsewhere if he chooses. He just cannot take them into your home.
As for BM wanting to be your friend and being all apologetic to you ... what a load of guff! She made her bed, let her lie in it. Not your circus, etc.
Friend Just Went Through This
Her SD is one messed up kid. In and out of psyche therapy and one facility stay. She was with them for a couple of years and finally went back with BM for one year. BM then starts contacting her and DH about taking the kid back....out of control, can't handle her, etc. So, they cave in and take kid back (against our entire group's advice). Didn't last a year. My friend was miserable in her home, her young child was being impacted by this out of control 12 year old and in the end, when BM came in for a Christmas visit, the SD went back. Now, my friend has to deal with all the heartache AGAIN and getting home home back to normal. She said, NEVER again.
I agree with Tog and the others. Your BM created a huge mess with those kids and now wants to pass off these seriously troubled teens to you and your DH. DO NOT DO IT. If anything, follow Tog's last comment about taking things slowly and with a therapist.
Nope nope and NOPE
Toxic Troll tried to offload Sd22 Feral Forger earlier this year during one of their MANY knock down drag out fights. Tried to tell Dh that he should "have Clove stay with her parents so he could 'bond' with both his children at OUR home"
Eff that. Look out for your kiddo - thats your #1 priority. Look out for YOU and YOURS.
DH told TT "no this is cloves home too and I will not ask her to leave it."
So do not cave to your emotions...stand strong momma
Oh, yes, they all want to be
Oh, yes, they all want to be "friends" when they need or want something.
The ONLY time BM, over here, acted like a decent human, was when she had an ulterior motive.
Yep. Then when DH said no,
Yep. Then when DH said no, off came the "nice" mask, and out came the witch.
Failed family toxic spawn can
Failed family toxic spawn can never be tolerated to adversly impact the lives of current family young ones. E.V.E.R.
So, screw BM. She made her bed, she can wallow in the stench she created.
Do not let her pawn her spawn off on your life, marriage, or child(ren). Hopefully your DH recognizes that his teen failed family breeding experiments are a write off and will not jeopardize the well being of his baby with you.
Good luck.
DH could have relationship
DH could have relationship with them but it doesn't mean they must come over. There are other ways to see them. Public places, restaurants, parks, movies, museums etc Public places with witnesses.
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