Hmmm...tough one. My DH used to make SD "say goodnight" to me too. It always seemed forced and awkward...then it just tapered off. I'm pretty much the ultimately disengaged stepmom - it works for me. Hubby ain't too fond of it, but I don't care. He'll never get it - understand what we as Steps do. Case in point - SD totally missed my birthday. Hell, I didn't even get a "Happy Birthday." To be honest, it kinda pissed me off...but it also served as a vital reminder of how little I mean to her. So be it. Anyway - witty reply? Maybe you could say in front of them all in a super-overly saccharine voice "Oh DH! Thanks soooo much for reminding them! I love to hear their cherubic voices! Byeeee darlings!!!" Maybe he'll get the message then. }:) Doubt it.

Maybe something like:

DH: Now kids, say goodbye to TheLadyTremaine!!!
TLT: Oh, honey, I'm SURE the kids don't need to be reminded to say goodbye. They couldn't POSSIBLY be THAT RUDE.
... and smile.

Sometimes I lst skids go out the door without saying anything to test them to see if they'll tell me bye first. They never do. They only will if I say it first. So now I don't. What's the use in only getting a thoughtless send off? Whatever!

While I am a stickler for manners I refuse to have SS forced in to saying hello/ good-bye/ good night. There was a time he did this without ever being prompted. After his detachment from our home life he only uses it with SO. This is also dependent on whether or not he has decided that SO is dad that week. It is a weapon/ tool for SS to put us in our place/ show superiority according to the therapist. It is however mostly used on me.

As such I refuse to engage in this battle my SS wages. My SO used to force it. One day I asked him how it would feel for him if my daughter and I behaved towards my SO/ Chucky in the same manner. Meaning we had to be forced to be polite. He said it would be hurtful and a constant reminder that we did not see them as important enough to acknowledge. And so the forcing of greetings and salutations was stopped. This is not an easy situation and it is one of the most glaring ways for a child to prove they do not have to acknowledge you.

Turn to the baby, say "Ear muffs!" cover his ears .... then say FUCK OFF!

As the baby grows up he will instantly cover his ears as soon as he hears you say "Ear muffs!". }:)

Actually your DH requiring his prior relationship spawn to be police is commendable IMHO.

Just say "Buh-bye!" and give them the finger tip wave with a cheesy pageant queen smile.

When SO and I got together, he really wanted me and SD-then-8 to like each other, so he would do things like "SD, give unluckytwin a hug!" on her way out. I finally told him that he should let us manage our own relationship, that he couldn't force one on us. He stopped. (I am also not a touchy person, so I don't like hugs from most people.)

We may have said hi/bye to each other for a while, I forget, but we probably did. A couple of times, though, we saw each other when she was with her mother--we went to her school play, and we both attended a funeral of a mutual friend. Both times, she ignored me, and I told DH it was bad parenting on his part (and BM's) to allow a child to ignore an adult she knows in public, especially one she INVITED to her play, who should get a "hi" and a "thanks for coming." Soon after, I disengaged and we basically ignored each other for a long time.

Only this past week when she came back from BM's did I hear SO tell SD-now-10 that she is to say hi to people, that it is polite. (IDK why it's taken him this long to teach her that.) I didn't tell him not to manage our relationship, because even though I have no interest in saying hi or having someone give me a fake hi, someone should teach this kid some manners. So she said hi and I said hi, too.

Rags, I like your style.....

I told my DH that it was more maddening to me knowing he had to physically poke his kids and remind them to say hello, good-bye, thank you to me than if they said nothing at all. As one of the other posters above said, it was just more opportunity for them to say something dripping in sarcasm or insincerity.

I challenged my DH to not "remind" them for an entire month to say anything to me, because I wanted him to realize exactly how much they refused to even politely interact with me. That was 30 days of nothing, demonstrating to my DH that they don't have a clue about manners or social etiquette. At 20, they still don't.

Yet I would BEAM every time MY kids would leave for school in the morning and would tell DH "bye, have a nice day!" without being prompted, they would use "please" and "thank you" and would all-around acknowledge his existence. Shoot, they'd even sit and have *gasp* actual conversations with him (my kids are 2 mand 4 years younger than the SKs so they're teens).

I agree with you -- your DH just needs to stop making them. If it was something they truly wanted to do, and valued, they'd do it. Otherwise, to them it ranks right up there with clearing dog poop out of the back yard.