Lie of omission
When I got married (3 years ago), we decided that he would pay for the wedding and I would pay for the honeymoon. Well, he came up short $500.00 & I pitched in the rest. I found out a year later (yes, I've been stewing for two years) that he gave his daughter, who barely graduated from an "alternative" high school $500.00 for brand new car (to help with the down payment). I would have postponed the wedding so that he would have gotten his affairs in order without making me a pawn. I feel like I paid for his daughter's down payment. I am hurt and angry. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?
He lives with me in my home. He recently has pitched in more financially, but that first year he gave me very little (by just covering his own expenses).
The lie of omission is killing me.
I've been married 3 years
I've been married 3 years too this January. Is it the lie or is it that you don't think he is pulling his weight enough in the marriage...if it is the lie i say let it go b/c i'm sure there are plenty "reasons" he would give for doing this and what's done is done. But if it is the finances that really bother you, i would find the time to address it w/o brining up the daughter's car, in a constructive way with "solutions" in mind...
Us newly weds gotta pick our battles wisely, that is what i'm learning in my own marriage anyway...I've actually asked myself "do i wanna bring up XYZ and creat the tension that i know will come or can i deal with my feeligs on this on my own (ususally it is a fleeting emotion that will go away when my mind "corrects" itself...) and enjoy my husband?
Make a GREAT Day!
flipping anothers bill
Well I know just how you feel, my husband can't afford to go out to dinner , because he uses his $ for lunches out when he is at work , because everyone else goes out to lunch he has to, not to mention that if I buy him dinner once a week and his daughter dinner or lunch everyother week, I am indirectly paying his child support. We split all the house and family bills 50/50 but he wastes his $$ on lunch with the guys, and if he took the time to have his childsupport lowered ( he is still paying the amount awarded when the child was 4 and was in a private preeschool that was 800 a month) Not to mention that he never buys my son dinner and I rarely get child support coming in for my son. I feel like indirectly I am paying his bills or supporting his lifestyle just because I want to go out to dinner with my husband And like you said should you have pushed off the wedding until he had the $$ that would not make you happy Just be smart; people will take advantage of others especially when it comes to $$ He should be paying 50 / 50 also even if it is your house.~B~
I hear ya Crayon, sounds like me.
As far as the BM wanting more, and with us, nothing is EVER enough.
As for the finances: When we got married, we opened a joint checking, and I was the one taking care of the finances (since finances kind of scared him, he was more then happy to let me do that.) He gave me his first check (just before the autodeposit kicked in) and told me to just give him his allowance. :jawdrop:
Told me that's what the ex did. I said, well I'm not the ex. All he needed to do what just let me know what he was taking out, and I would let him know what was in there to take out! This way we are constantly talking to each other about it and we both know what the money situation is.
It was hard when we first started living together, our bills were seperate, but I felt like he needed to contribute to the living expenses. My bad for not telling him and letting it build up to an eventual argument. Oops. Live and learn.
Yeah, I think I would be angry to find out that I was giving $500 that I later found out was because he gave $500 for SD's car. It's different if he discussed it with you first. He may have had his reasons. Finances are a tough topic. Maybe he feels he is giving enough? Maybe you could try splitting some mutual bills? (you pay for electric, I'll pay for cable?) I know some couples that do that. Seems to work for them.