Let's be frank,...I hate me step children
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I'm sorry to be so bold in my speech,..but I am literally at my wits end. I have been for 3 years..(; 3 of my step kids have autism. I have 4 of my own biological children. My step kids get every ounce of me. There is nothing left for my own children, who are so good and pretty easy. The step kids DEMAND by screaming, hollering "ouches" hitting and just constant chatter.. What do I do?. Can anyone relate ? Need a friend, ...
I hear yah...the bio mom is
I hear yah...the bio mom is out of the picture so I am officially mom. it makes it different. Don't you think?.. They all have autism. My husband helps all the time too and is very much in my favor with everything. I took my bio d8 and my step d11 overnight to a hotel . My step daughter screamed and cried and whined the whole time. She hates the bed, the sheets, the food,etc. YOU CAN'T IMAGINE. I am going to be the one responsible for all else kids, I'm the mom now. I got my step kids when they were babies. I feel nothing for them but resentment. What do u think? Btw, your the first one I've talked to. Right on. Thanks.
My goodness. 3 kids, all with
My goodness. 3 kids, all with Autism? That's a lot for anyone but you have 4 kids of your own and those aren't your children. I don't know how you ended up being Mom or where Mom is but DH will have to find a way to get some help for you both. It's not fair to you and your kids to have to devote 100% of your time to these special needs children.
DH needs to be digging as deep as he needs to find Social Services to help, sitters, programs, community programs, etc. You can't go on like this. Something is going to blow. If he does not find a way to take the burden of his kids off your shoulders, you may need to be prepared to take your kids and go. You don't want THEM to grow up and resent You for not being there for them because you're choosing to be there for these other kids. Sad situation, yes, but there's a limit to what we can do alone and you've reached yours. No one would fault you for it... Let's hope it doesn't come to that but if you have told how you feel and he's done nothing but agree but not actually tried to find a way to better manage it, you may have to make that choice.
I agree DH needs to find
I agree DH needs to find social programs to help with the autistic kids. Even bio parents get worn out caring for special needs kids.
If he doesn't find help, you do some research yourself and see what help your state offers for special needs kids. Also look on facebook for support groups.
I haven't talked to anyone
I haven't talked to anyone about this before, so I just bursted out in tears when I read your replies,,..lol. The desperation is definitely at a head. My hubby is so good. Women rave about how wonderful their husbands are, but my sincerely is one who doesn't think of himself ever. He serves every kids equally and constantly. He gives me the world. That's the hardest part,...how do I tell him I hate raising his kids as mine? We have gone through 8 nannies (; one ran away in the night...lol. I have help a couple times a week. I'm spent after one hr. I cry in my room as my door is banged on everyday lately. Am I missing something I'm not doing?. I feel like we have done everything. Shrinks, meds, help, etc...any advice from my new friends? (;
I'm not a SM, but I have a
I'm not a SM, but I have a daughter who has an auditory processing disorder, which makes communicating with her very frustrating at times. When I was first trying to get her diagnosed, I thought she might be autistic, which is why I know a little about the services offered for autistic kids.
My advice, let yourself have a good cry, get it out. Once you've let out some frustration and have calmed down a little, sit down and think about what you need. Sit down with your DH and calmly explain to him that you are at the end of your rope and you need help.
I don't think you should say you "hate raising his kids", I would leave that out. But I would emphasize it's not fair that the lion's share of the parenting for THREE special needs children that are not yours falls on your shoulders. I like to say "what would you do if I wasn't here?"
I'm guessing in the beginning you thought you could handle it, but now you've realized it is more than you can handle and you need help.
I don't know if the nannies you've used are used to special needs children, you need to find one that has experience dealing with special needs children. Also, you need to start doing research, learn about autism, learn about support services and support groups in your area.
Google is your friend.
Are these kids getting the
Are these kids getting the right treatment and therapy?
If you click on "forums" and scroll down a bit you'll find that there's a forum for stepparents with SKs who have disabilities.
How old are these kids? When
How old are these kids? When were they last diagnosed? Sometimes people/doctors label kids inappropriately and therefore treat them under wrong protocols. Other times the kids simply learn to take advantage of their labels and act out on purpose. Seems that if you guys have thrown the medical books and mental help and nannies and everything their way, there'd be some progress. But not showing any is why I'm asking maybe something else is the issue??
Do they act this way with other Adults or have they learned to "work you" because they know they can? Are they in School? What does teachers say?
Guess now I have more questions than advice because seems you've tried everything short of leaving!
Thank you. The kids are a
Thank you. The kids are a very big problem everywhere they go. They have no understanding of their "affect" on environment. Constant chatter, interruptions, outbursts, movements are continuous. I have 3 like this . 11, 8 and 6. We have been dedicated to doing every intervention technique we have learned and they have done better, but they will never be normal. You can look at them and hold their face in front of yours and say "be quiet" and they will start up speaking immediately with no memory that you asked.. It's unlivable. My bio kids get so little. Being good is like being invisible here. I don't know how much I should "serve selflessly" for my family, and how much I am just dying slowly....
My heart seriously goes out
My heart seriously goes out to you Jerri.
If that was my life...and my kids were suffereing like that because of SOMEONE ELSE'S KIDS I would leave and NEVER look back!
You are in a very tough spot that is for sure, but if you love this man and want to be with him, I suggest exhausting everything possible to get these kids help and sitters so that you can spend much needed time with your bios before they are so far gone that it seriously affects your relationship with them!
I personally would NEVER sacrafice my relationship with my kids or spending time with them for ONE MILLISECOND for a skid! And you never should have to either Jerri, you have gone above and BEYOND for these skids, heck imo you are a saint for what you have done and are doing. But please don't let your relationship with your kids go to hell for these skids, they should be dh's problem 99% of the time.
*big hugs* I wish you the best!
Gosh this just gets worse.
Gosh this just gets worse. I'm about to weep for you!! Heck, they are still young but even when they get older, what kind of Independence will they have? The one thing some of us can look forward to is that one day the skids grow up and leave. But will these kids even be able to??
I am not one for being the Martyr for my whole life especially when I have children of my own. They are your first responsibility and I'm sure if you sit down and tell DH that you're exhausted, feeling very bitter and resentful that your life has become that of taking care of these kids to the exclusion of your own, that he'll dig a little deeper and find a way to get them out of your hair at least half of the week. You can't deal with them all day everyday and expect to be able to Parent your kids or have any alone time either. How old are your children? Doesn't even matter, they need Mom. I think you have to speak up now and leave it to DH to figure out and figure out quick. Otherwise you may take matters in your own hands. :/
Why are you staying in this
Why are you staying in this situation? It not fair to your or your kids.
Your 3 stepkids should be in some sort of a summer program. We have one here where special need kids are bussed in for half day programs.
I hate my 2 step sons with a
}:) I hate my 2 step sons with a passion. I came into the picture too late. I just don't know what to do anymore. They never was taught any home training or manners. It just wrecks my nerves when they eat snacks and just leave the wrappers on the floor for someone else to clean up. They are 10 and 9 so I guess they should know better. Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong. It has to do with the way I was raised growing up. I have to constantly go over the same things over and over. Then they expect me to buy them a new video game or new tennis shoes. Why should I reward 2 STEPKIDS who don't want to do right. Please shed some light on my situation because I am desperate.