I love it when you put these posts up.

How am I? Hmmmm

I'm distracted with so many thoughts. I'm tired. I'm emotional. I'm not eating properly, but I am sleeping well, so there's that.

I am loved - I am blessed.

I need to get focused on ME. I want to do a 100 mile bike ride on May 4th, so I need to get my butt on my stationary bike. I feel some kind of momentum building inside of me and I'm going to start with going through all the boxes I recently moved back to my house - organizing my stuff, selling some stuff and donating a lot.

I have a lot to look forward to this year. Cycling events. Kayaking events. International Travel. And so many fun things to do with my friends.

I'm even going to start a new journal - fresh start.

Sending healing vibes to your hip

I think Im good.  Stressed at work, but that is nothing new.  

Happy in Love and decorated for Valentines day.  It is one of my favorite holidays.

Hope everyone is happy and smiling

Once I got past the New Year, things started to look brighter (same thing every year, nothing to worry about).

I've been working on me, thinking about triggers to my negativity and how to approach them differently. We now have an empty nest and it's time I spent time on ME and, for once, I feel no guilt whatsoever.

One thing I must do is drawup a timetable for the activities I want to do combined with the chores that have to be done. If I don't I shall just continue to fritter my time away ...  and I don't want to do that!

Another thing, I've been meditating and am surprised at how objective I have become. I don't jump in straight away when something goes wrong, I sit and look at it and consider apll possible outcomes before deciding what to do.

The only thing I have still to solve are my somewhat negative feelings about a long distance but close family member with whom I used to chat. Last year, she ignored two separate invitations to a chat session and then, on the third request (here's 4 months between each of these contacts), she virtually said she didn't have time and would see what she could do. I haven't spoken to her since late OCtober 2022 and, quite frankly, don't really care any more. She messaged me recently to tell me she's going on a long trip and might want to visit afterwards. I still have a bit of thinking to do about this.

Pretty good. Working on myself. Getting my kid's college stuff in order and thinking of planning a solo trip this summer. 

I've learned to love January as a relief from the holiday sttess so yes, this is a good time for me.  Its a time to clean, sort, organize, reflect, I love it.

I feel good, I'm still going to Silver Sneakers.  Everything is quiet in my relationships, all is good.

I appreciate these posts because I tend to focus on my misery and these posts remind me to look at what I'm grateful for.

I'm happy. DD23 is in Calgary working on a project with kids she went to uni with. She's doing really well and I'm really happy about that.

My bully at work got exposed and I realized that I actually like the work I do and am grateful that I have my position. It's nice to realize that for the first time in 12 years.

The snowdrops and crocusses are out and I'm starting to see daffodils come up. We're having a ton of rain and I've been having great sleeps from hearing the rain pelt down onto our skylight. 

I'm working from home today and tomorrow and am enjoying all the birds landing on my bird feeder outside my window. I just had a stellar jay land and we don't often see those on Vancouver Island. It made me think of my late mom because she was from Toronto and was a die-hard Blue Jays fan. 

I'm planning my garden, but am not very good at it, so I might come here to ask for tips. I find that I use Steptalk for advice on way more than step-parenting. LOL 

I'm grateful for the Eff Off Friday/Forn posts because I'm searching through them for fish recipes. LOL We have beautiful seafood available to us on VI and I was given some lovely fresh white fish. I'm grateful for living on VI because of all the fresh seafood we can get here. Hiking is great as well. I might book a goat yoga session for next weekend, so I'm grateful for that. 

I've been narrowing in and honing my observation skills- it's really interesting how I give so many others a pass but I am really hard on myself. I am working on being kinder and more gentle towards ME. By doing this I am hoping to take less of the burden of what other people - DH, steps, other family members place on me and realize that there is shared responsibilty, more importantly - if someone else does something to attack me and then feign "victimhood", I am releasing myself of feeling guilty, bad, etc. And rather than do a deep dive into "how I can be better." I am learning to see that I am on the recieving end of the attacks and I am simply defending myself. By realizing that, I've learned to stop defending or trying to respond when this happens just watch and observe it. That's really hard to do but I am doing it. And little by little my strength is gathering. I still need to work on my mind- these SKIDs are running rent free in there and they really don't deserve it. I've got to release the anger and sadness and fill it with hope and abundance- I keep working on visualizing them on a raft with the current scooting them further and further from shore everytime these negative thoughts ransack my mind. Work in progress, getting better!

Heading to help my parents after my dad's hip replacement tomorrow. Sitting at airport with a glass of bubbles right now.

Waiting to see if my new IUD will help with my uterine fibroid issues. Crossing fingers, I'll know in about a week. Trying to avoid surgery if possible.

Working on losing about ten perimenopause pounds,  so hard to do! I cannot increase exercise (work out a lot already, including weights) so it's now about food and how to change/reduce an already healthy eating plan.

This is so thoughtful.

I'm really good. Didn't see the skids over the holidays, and SD is still not talking to DH. And he still doesn't know why. And I don't ask.

I am settling in to retirement. I don't hate it. I am so glad to be out from under the drama of supervising 25 people. Hoping to nab a consulting gig periodically.

Working through mountains of paperwork for various things, including updating wills. The  attorney uses a 37-page intake questionnaire--it's a good organizational tool for me too so I can leave reasonable info for anybody that has to clean up after DH and/or I are gone. It will be good to have that done but it's not a fun task.

To balance the drudge work. DH and I both play piano, and our house is frequently filled with music. Makes me happy to play, makes me happy to hear him play. 

Life, in general, is good here. Today was awesome.

I've mentioned here before...I was part of a SM group on CafeMom YEARS back. 15 years to be exact. There was a group of women who watched the site for SMs in toxic situations.....like me...and brought us to a safe place to vent and seek advice. From that group, six of us have stayed close and have visited with each other over the years. We try to get together once a year. We had to miss last year. Today, I booked my flight for our April gathering!!!! So pumped to see these beautiful women God brought to my life; women who have invested in me, set me straight, been my source of comfort in StepHell, etc. These days, we have had to comfort each other on losses of spouses to death, children growing up and moving into adulthood, menopause, etc. 

I AM HAPPY!!!!!! 

Excited and nervous.  I had a fly out last week and just got back from another this week.  Both interviews went well.  The one yesterday is the one I truly want.

Hopefully I get an offer from them.

Not logical, but I am nervous that they have not reache dout yet.  I got home at 11PM last night and it is a bit over 12hr later......  time is crawling, anxiety is pumping.  Not anywhere usual for me.

Good things are happening. An incredible woman in love with me, life is good, health is good, family is good, .....  no proof of life from the kid in a month, but.... that will eventually be rectified.

Now for a chap my ass moment.  The airlines (AA) has started lying as an official repeat policy.  If you are beyond bording group 4... they claim that there is no overhead baggage space and push you to check carry on bags.  Low and behold, I checked my larger carry on, boarded, and ..... more than a dozen completely empty overhead baggage sections.  I was group 6 and when I checked my bag they boarded me at group 4.  Drop your bag at the "end of the boarding ramp".

They did this on the next flight as well.   

Going forward when I fly that airlines, I will gate check my bag, go down the boarding ramp, and use the magicly appearing overhead baggage space that is officially annonced as ... full.  If in fact there is no overhead space, highly unlikely as indicated by the repeat fib about no baggage space on two different flights out of two different airports, they can take the bag and put it in the cargo space.

Why would a busine lie it's ass off to customers who can nearly immediately see the lie.

The last flight I was seated next a wonderful young mom with a very bubbly toddler, if he was even yet at toddler age.   It was a late night arrival flight.  This was  a regular thing for them.  They had their routine down, snack cups, a fan to keep him cook when he fell asleep, they used the empty seat next to mom until another passenger arrived. They shifted their routine to mom's lap.  He got a little fussy, she told him to stop it then rocked him, told him he was Okay, and that she had him.  They warmed my soul.  It is nice to see a mom who guided and comforted rather than not dealing with her child disturbing others.  I played with him a bit while mom got some cat naps in.    Lying airline aside, it was a good flight.

There may be hope for LOs and parents yet.  At least that LO and that mom.

Date night tonight.  Sashimi and green tea.  With.... my heart and soul.

Now, for the offer!!!!!

Knock on wood.

Thanks for asking. I hope everyon's Feb is ..... romantic,Valentine-ey, and a great month.

I'm ok I guess.  Stressed a bit about money but it will be ok.  I used to be scared of the dark.  Now every month when I get the power bill I'm scared of the lights. 

I've been nursing one of my guinea pigs back to health.  I call her Queen Twerp on here but should probably refer to her as the Stink Eye Queen for now.  Or Queen Sweet Potato.  Despite her seemingly being grumpy, she is really sweet.  She had a cyst or an abscess on her cheek and the vet is hoping it's from skin trauma and not a dental issue.  The vet had to play Dr. Pimple Popper and sent us home with pain medicine and an antibiotic.  I had to get a refill on the meds once and she showed me how to flush the abscess out.  It smelled awful.  It is hopefully healing now.  Now Princess Popcorn is acting like she doesn't feel well.  I'm hoping it's an upset stomach that will resolve on its own.  She did perk up a little after some snuggles.  These little creatures run up big vet bills.  

I'm trying to stick to an exercise habit and hoping to lose a few pounds.  I'm not overweight but can't afford to gain any either.  Also hoping to lower my cholesterol numbers.  My doctor said I may need to consider a statin in the future. I told him it would be a fight to get me on anything.  He doesn't see a lot of people my age who are not taking something.  My mother doesn't take anything either at age almost 76.  I told him I want to be at least her age before I get on any meds.  *biggrin*

I decluttered my son's room so I'm happy with that.  I'm currently being entertained by his parakeets with their various chirps and screeching.  One is singing.  He sings beautifully! 

I'm working hard on a few work related genealogy projects, and I've signed up for my first roller derby tournament in the summer. My plan for this year is just not to be afraid of new things as much. Change is good. 

Im getting antsy right now, which means this will be short.

1. Its a rainy weekend and I played hooky Thursday and Friday and husband played hooky with me Friday. With rain comes the rainbows, and all is well this weekend so far.

2. We have a birthday party to go to, a number 1 for husbands nephew, and I "get" to make the guac whilst husband is off fishing for stripers at the river, where the river meets the ocean. His happy place. Im getting motivated to head to the gymn. Ive been working out more and enjoying it I even did a hike last weekend, and it was quite nice.

3. Ive been eating less meat as per the drs orders and cutting out the alcohol, and Im down 2 lbs!

4. I finally put christmas away! 3 rooms and 3 christmas trees.

5. starting to organize my house beginning with my room. Took a bunch of stuff out and its in the kitchen. I love my room. I need to put love on it. Get rid of a lot too.

6. Gearing up for taxes. Husband thinks he wants to file separately, but I dont think thats the best, however Ill run the numbers and see how it goes. Then I can do some planning for this year, and defer more for my retirement nest egg.

7. Husband wants to buy us tickets for Melissa Etheridge and Jewel! He must be feeling something about the $$$ he gave Feral Forger. LOL>good.

8. Ive been reading and researching about osteroperosis and prevention. My mother has it, so shes been warning me to watch my calcium. And Ive got 3 bags of grapefruits given to me by someone who has a tree, and guess who has a lot of calcium? And guess who loves fresh grapefruit?  A primarily plant based diet will be tough because husband is quite the carnivor, but it will be worth it when I get to my goal size (what I was prior to meeting husband, actually)

I dont want to bring anyone down but I am struggling with my mental health since xmas so definitely not doing well but hiding it behind a fake smile and being busy

I now can only sleep with sleep aid/sleeping pills and I have taken two jobs to avoid being at home or available. Nevertheless my only day off (Friday) somehow gets hijacked by my husband asking me to do his parental duties while he goes off to do his hobby with friends in a neighboring town...

I was thinking....I am helping him and his BM by keeping YSS15 on a friday night while both get to enjoy their lives....I literally cant recall a friday that I went out or dedicated time for a hobby to...I am feeling a mix of resentment, anger and resignation to the fact that they will never see me as more than a tool/means to an end