Labor day plans a bust
Has anyone ever make plans for a weekend thinking you wont have the SD/SD and then have BM change her mind at the last minute?? We made plans to go to a friends house for the weekend for a small party because BM "said" she would take SD7. Well, she called today and left a message saying she "forgot" she made other plans and she will be out of town. Well, guess what?? We both have tried calling her back and its going straight to voice mail!! Now, we will probably have to cancel because we thought it would be just us and 1, there isnt anywhere for her to sleep other then the couch (which I wont allow because she STILL wets (floods) the bed and still has problems staying dry during the day as well (laziness big time) and 2, I really dont want to subject my friends with her behavior. Everything out of her mouth is whining or pouting and its like nails on a chalkboard. Did I mention she is 7??? Yes, we are talking about a 7 year old here that still acts like she is 2!! I am SOO upset right now omg. It would of been our first weekend in a LONG time to ourselves and now we might not be able to go! Thanks for letting me vent.
Katie
UGH... how annoying. Yes, I
UGH... how annoying. Yes, I have had family plans ruined at the last minute because BM is late or a no-show either with picking up or dropping off.
As a side note, a 7 year old who still wets herself?? That kid needs counseling, stat!
Do this IGNORE!!! Yep you did
Do this IGNORE!!! Yep you did not get that mess. Um what mess bm we were not home we had plans so sorry. }:) }:)
Bubble butt tried that one time and dh said nope we have plans should have planned better! See the thing is that she is used to being able to do what she wants and changing things at the last min. b/c your dh LETS her! HE HAS to tell her no or best of all do what I said in the beginning he never got that mess. That will stop that crap, might be a fight for a while but if your dh sticks to it she will stop.
Plans?? Somebody is allowed
Plans?? Somebody is allowed to make plans?? We have CO parenting time in place and we STILL cannot make plans. BM is always changing things. Last year I was trying to get tickets to a Christmas play for me, DH and the two skids, as well as another family we are friends with. Everybody finally agreed on a date...oops, skids can't go that day because it is BM's bday (on DH's weekend) and they're going to a movie with her. Apparently her bday is a national holiday. So I took myself and a friend to the play, with the other family. We had a wonderful, skid free day! Last month we had to reschedule our vacation...I cannot even count the number of times plans were ruined or we were unable to make plans because of BM. It's very frustrating...I feel your pain!
I would LOVE to still go
I would LOVE to still go but...we cannot reach her and we have been trying for hours and I think her phone is turned off because she knows we are going to call her. I totally agree, 7 is way too old to still be wetting herself and she does need some sort of help because she could care less that she does it and wont even tell us after she does have an "accident". I end up sitting on the couch in a wet spot a few times from where she sat and didnt tell anyone! I actually have a bottle of febreeze right next to the couch for that reason alone.
Katie
We're surprised when BM
We're surprised when BM actually shows up when she's supposed to! On the rare occasions it happens, we wonder what to do with ourselves. We've given up on making plans expecting to not have the kids with us. It's very frustrating to say the very least. I keep a calendar and highlight all the days she's a no show...it's very compelling and has come in handy more than once. Not that it alleviates the frustration of a ruined plans...
You are SOO right calgon!
You are SOO right calgon! Everything we do, or want to do, revolves around SD. Even when it doesnt involve the BM, we have to make sure we bring extra clothes for her and very rarely do we get the opportunity to spend the night anywhere because of her still wetting the bed. Its more embarrassing for me then her. Even a simple trip to the grocery store (granted its about a 30-45 minute drive depending on traffic and time of day) I STILL have to make sure there is a change of clothes for her! There is NOTHING wrong with her at all, she just doesnt stop what she is doing to go and or wont tell us she has to go when in the car until its too late.
Katie
Have you considered putting
Have you considered putting her on a bathroom schedule? Make her go in and sit down at certain intervals during the day, whether she has to go or not. Make her sit there for five minutes. Maybe do it every two hours and see how that works. Either she'll go when she's there and not wet herself or get sick of doing that and start going when she has to go (hopefully). Maybe start taking away privileges when she does it. Just a thought...good luck!
Every 2 hrs? Heck, I'd do it
Every 2 hrs? Heck, I'd do it every 30 min or 1 hr, max! Make it miserable for her to constantly have to stop what she is doing becuase she can't make good choices! And don't use pull ups. They will only seek to delay the uncomfortableness of being wet. My BS wet the bed every night until the age of 9... until I took his pull-ups away
This is what I don't get
This is what I don't get about all the DHs... when their kid has something so CLEARLY wrong with them. Do they not see it??? Does he think it's ok that his child is wetting herself? Is he the one cleaning up the messes or are you? Maybe if he had to deal with it he would be more motivated.
Calgon's idea sounds like a good one. Both ideas actually. "Oh you wet yourself? Well, no TV for the rest of the night" or whatever.
BTDT...Its somewhat difficult
BTDT...Its somewhat difficult putting a 7 year old on a bathroom schedule. Its hard enough just to get her in there to try in the first place. Last time I put my foot down, I was in the bathroom with her for almost an hour and a half with her refusing to even try. I am not about to go through that again. After that episode, I needed a stiff drink! The one thing I cant stand is that BM excuse is "oh..she is still only 7, lots of kids do that!" Well, I know none of her friends do it so I dont know where she is getting it from.
Katie
Erin, he is frustrated as I
Erin, he is frustrated as I am but, he doesnt put forth the effort to get her to stop as I am. I am the one that does the laundry and I have left it up to him to wash her things but, when it comes to her sitting on the furniture in wet clothes, thats when I usually take care of it because no one usually knows till after they sit on it. I cant leave it until DH gets home from work or wherever...it needs to be cleaned right then and there. And...if I make her do it, she does a half ass job so I end up doing it anyways.
Katie
Ugh. I can imagine that being
Ugh. I can imagine that being so difficult. I just hope your DH will see the light and PUT forth the extra effort, or get creative, because it really sounds intolerable.
Hell, can you tell the kid she is not allowed to sit on the furniture until she is potty trained? Or is that the kind of thing that gets us labeled "evil stepmother"...
I was going to suggest the
I was going to suggest the same thing. Don't let her on the furniture. There has to be some consequences. Do you have to stay in the bathroom with her? Just make her go in and leave. Kind of like a time out. If she comes out without trying, she loses a privilege. Have you taken her to a counselor?
One other idea might be positive reinforcement. Make a "Potty Chart". Every time she goes, give her a star. After a certain amount of stars, she gets a reward. Give extra stars if she goes a whole day or night without wetting herself.
I hope you find something that works...there's always plastic for the furniture!
7? That's nothing. MY ss is
7? That's nothing. MY ss is 13 and still wets himself.
*shudder* You guys are all
*shudder* You guys are all making me feel very lucky.
Try 16! Yup - my SS16 still
Try 16! Yup - my SS16 still wets the bed. Pathetic.
WOW...I pray she isn't still
WOW...I pray she isn't still wetting her pants/bed at 16!! I probably already know the answer but, does he help with the laundry in the morning and is he embarrassed at all? I am guessing BM still thinks he will grow out of it on his own right?
Katie
Yes, I am positive that there
Yes, I am positive that there is nothing wrong with her, its pure laziness on her (and BM's) part. Its rare that she has an "accident" at school simply because she doesnt want her friends to know. I just wish DH would take a more tough love approach with this rather then taking a laid back approach and not taking it serious. We pretty much have full custody aside from 1 weekend a month and special occasions that we allow her to have her. I dont have a "bad" relationship with BM. We dont argue or fight or anything like that...I rarely see her. She doesnt say anything bad about me and visa-versa but, I do have a problem with her parenting skills, or there lack of. When she does make plans to take SD for a weekend thats not hers, its been twice now that she changed her mind at the last minute. The last time we didnt have plans thank god and was able to reach her but this time, I was really looking forward to have a weekend to oursleves (adult time). I never thought I would be embarrassed to be around a child and even more peeved that I have to make travel arrangements when it involves her being there (overnights, vacations etc). I love her but I HATE the way she behaves and acts if that makes sense. She isnt mean to me or anything like cursing or hitting but its the constant whining, pouting and potty mishaps at 7 years old that make me think to myself...how in the world can BM think its OK or normal at her age and why isnt she trying to do anything about it??
Katie
How about putting the kid
How about putting the kid back in pull-ups if she keeps pissing on your furniture?? I mean seriously. If she is that lazy that she can't even go to the bathroom like a normal human being, I can imagine what kind of trouble you have getting her to do anything else?! At that age she is knowingly peeing in her pants and she is fine with that..not ok.
Seriously, I would not allow
Seriously, I would not allow this child to sit on my furniture. I would try not to belittle. I would be very factual. "You must sit on this plastic sheet ALWAYS until you are able to potty in the toilet". If she sits on furniture and pees... there are consequences. If she sits on plastic and pees, well, she cleans it. But at least nothing is ruined.
Yes I am all too familiar
Yes I am all too familiar with plans being ruined at the last minute due to the BM. And of course she won't answer her phone for you now. She doesn't want to give your DH an opportunity to force HER CHILD on her for the weekend. I understand not wanting to bring your SD to the party. I wouldn't either. I don't like subjecting my friends to an annoying kid. I wouldn't like it if the shoe were on the other foot. Sorry your weekend is spoiled!
Yep, its SOO embarrassing
Yep, its SOO embarrassing when she does this in front of my friends and family. I have had friends come up with excuses after we have made plans after they found out that my SD would be tagging along and I dont blame them one bit. When I do get the opportunity to visit friends, I usually can only stay for an hour or 2 to avoid any forseeable (is that a word? lol) problems. Its not if she will its when! I can pretty much garantee she will!
Katie
Ah, the old "last minute
Ah, the old "last minute change of plans." I can't tell you how many times we have had to deal with my SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy pulling this. Usually it is in connection with his summer and holiday visitation - he ALWAYS sends her bace early. We have just started planning on the early returns, because we got very frustrated with all of the "dumping" by bio-dad.
OH yeah. FLASHBACKS!! Of
OH yeah. FLASHBACKS!! Of course the BM wants to dump off her children on a three day holiday!!!
So I'd get from GG:
"I don't THINK the skids will be with us this labour day"
Then at the last minute at least one of them would "show up" so I NEVER made any plans in advance. Of course GG was tickled pink to have any one of his peccories over.
Well I never made plans b/c we were usually TOO BROKE after GG pays almost all of his salary in CS to go anywhere, but I digress. (whereas the Behemoth was and still is always taking off to exotic locations with the Snuffleupagus)
For the wetting thing, the first time she wets b/c she was watching TV or doing something "distracting," take that "distracting" thing away from her. No TV, vid games etc. until she learns to re-tune in to her body.
Hopefully DH is on the same page with you. Chances are he's not. If he's not make HIM clean up her messes!! Do not lift a finger.
"Hon, SD has wet the sofa again, would you go ahead and teach her how to clean it?" He'll probably do it himself for awhile b/c he doesn't want to upset poopsiekins. If that doesn't work, be sure to put one of DH's shirts, etc down for her to sit on. Or have her sit in "his" chair exclusively. Then if she wets that just put it back into the drawer (i know nasty, but its to prove a point) and when he smells it, just say, "oh SD must have wet on it by accident"
You have to force guilty daddy's hand a lot in this "game." I've found that ONLY when something negative PERSONALLY affects guilty daddy, will he start to step up to the parenting plate.
Thanks Auteur, I have taken
Thanks Auteur, I have taken many things away from her including the TV but DH usually lets her off the hook and allows her to have them back again, especially the TV because she will complain, complain, complain till he gives in. She doesnt like going outside to occupy her time like most kids did my age. I remember going to my friends house everyday during the summer but now, its all facebook and texting sheesh. She doesnt see that its not only affecting her (which it really doesnt) but it affects others in the house as well. I have been trying for the longest time to simply ignore it but, when its forcing me not to have MY friends over because of the smell and or ruined furniture, I have to do something. I am not going to be a prisoner in my own house because of her.
Katie
Yep, the thwarted plans
Yep, the thwarted plans because of an ex. Except usually it's my ex that does it. Usually though it's because he has to work supr early the next day and BS cannot stay overnight and he has to bring him home in the evening when he's supposed to be staying overnight. During the week this isn't a big deal because we have SS so it's not like we are giving up alone time. It's the Friday night's EOW that he is supposed to stay at dads and SS is at BMs that this happens and we lose a weekend night and possible weekend away somewhere that stinks. But it's my BS and I'm fine with it but DH... not so happy about it sometimes.
I finally got a chance to sit
I finally got a chance to sit down and update everyone, I have been sick the last week and a half with the flu but feel alot better today. We ended up having a small bonfire and barbequed hamburgers so the weekend wasnt a complete bust but I am still upset that I had to change MY plans. We did find out that BM is thinking about moving out of state but not sure yet. I dont know if thats a good or bad thing. It would mean we would have SD7 ALL the time and I am not looking forward to that at all. On the otherhand, it would be better on SD because BM babies her to no end and she constanly pulls the baby, I cant do anything for myself, wetting pants and bed, wanting attention all the time crap all the time and it gets to the point where I have to get out of the house to get away from it! The whole house smells like pee and febreeze and the like only cover it up so much. Do you think SD cares?? HELL NO!! BM thinks its normal because she is ONLY 7 so SD thinks its OK as well! Hmmm she doesnt do it at school or in front of her friends so that tells me she knows that she shouldnt be doing it in the first place right?? Right now, she has NO toys in her room because of her behavior lately and the whining and pouting and baby talk is getting unbearable to listen to. I know its not ALL dads fault because he does try to help to get her to stop but I feel he can do more. Thanks for listening and I wish everyone has a great weekend.
Katie
Hi Katie..good to see you
Hi Katie..good to see you again! Glad to hear that weekend wasn't a total bust! Sorry you've been sick.
So if BM moves out of state, she wouldn't take SD with her? I just can't wrap my head around a child wetting themselves because they're too lazy. If her mom moves away, she may start acting out more...it could make the situation worse. Hopefully not...it would be great if you could get a handle on it. If she can control herself during school and with her friends, she should be able to at home as well. You have a great (dry) weekend too! 
Thanks calgon! We have
Thanks calgon! We have pretty much full custody other then 1 weekend a month so if she decides to move, then she would have to pay for traveling expenses etc if and when there is visitation. I am dreading her leaving might make the problem worse so I have to keep telling myself it would be the best for everyone in the long run. Your right, if she can control it at school and in front of her friends, she should be able to at home as well. Would I like SD to go with her? HELL YEA! But I know thats not going to happen and dad would NEVER allow it to happen either. You have a great weekend too!
Katie
I forgot to ask, how was
I forgot to ask, how was everyones Labor Day weekend? I hope it was better then mine.
Katie
I say the same exact thing
I say the same exact thing toughas but dad says that would be too embarrassing for her (which is true) and it would scar her for a long time! I feel a little peer pressure, aside from family will definately help the situation. I know some kids can be pretty mean now a days and I would feel bad if it got around school or something you know? Thanks
Katie